Depressed...skint...lonley...

I've been suffering depression a while now...knowingly...been ongoing for the last 10 years..I think it's due to me being diagnosed with cancer when I was 28...high grade B cell lymphoma..stage 4 and I was given 2 weeks to live when I was told...so immediate chemotherapy....r-chop..rituxan etc for 9 months so beating my 2 week diagnosis and thankfully I'm still here today...still as alive as I am and have been for the years since I've never felt like me..feel like I did before or the chemo etc....after the 9 month chemo...I was released from hospital...suffering from memory loss etc so I was dealt with by the mental health services and given a section 28 6 month stay to help retrain my memory etc help me remember what I had forgotten...you see when I was diagnosed I was in full time work had a partner of 15 years school sweethearts...and two kida..a son who was 4 and a daughter who was 1.....whilst in hospital things were difficult as you could imagine...the shock to my partner etc....as the chemo went on months past by I was a state..very ill...and I missed lost something...my partner...you see when I was released from hospital I was sat in the hospital cafe with my partner who told me I could not come home due to the fact that she had moved on and that we were over..she had started uni whilst I was in hospital and meet a new fella more suited to her current lifestyle..as shocking as it was for me it prompted my memory to blank..hence my section 28..6month stay in mental health institute so I could get my head straight etc..since leaving and getting back on my feet..I had problems seeing my kids as she was making it very difficult for me etc with her way of life now in uni...I decided to fight her in court...a year later I had gained full custody of my 2 kids never to see her again...shame as kids need a mum as much as I can do a mum is something irreplaceable so hopefully one day she will return....my kids are happy and always have been dispite there mum not being around...and I've been single since...ten years now so get lonley....as much as my kids fill my life and keep me occupied I still miss having a partner around..I've devoted my life to my kids before this incident but since being a single dad and now having a second chance at like I belive it was for me to be here for my kids so I could bring them up the way they want...there happy....its me I'nm depressed very..In debt £5000 and feel sick all the time...I cannot settle..relax etc...kids always asking me what's wrong etc..this is an like 10 years of debt...given my kids the best I could all the time but it's built up over time and I feel trapped...as I do not see there mother I cannot get any help that way so feel lost as I'm very limited...I need to shift the debt to be ablle to move on mentally etc..I feel I'm dragging my kids down with me with this depression...the debt and previous medical issues..it was hard enough dealing with the fact I'll never feel right after the chemo so it's a battle every day...which my kids get me through...but this debt on top is killing me...the only thing I've got is a diamond ring I could sell for maybe £2000 but that's it...I need help with this I cant keep getting phone calls letters threats etc...need to sell my sole for £5000..it's dragging mine and my kids lives down...we just want to be happy! Free from debt..

Hey, 2,000 off of a 5,000 pound debt is nothing to sniff at. Start from there, okay?

Yes I know but I'll only sell if I really really have to as its was given to me by a family member who's passed so feel really guilty having to sell it..but yes your a right 2k 0ff 5k is a good start..if I can get 2k...gypsy ring with blue and white diamonds..I need to get a value first then think about selling it. It's a start and would help yes...but kills me to sell it..

What kind of debt do you have?

2.5k credit cards..rest are small loan company's..I just used to get buy but they ended up costing a lot more in interest etc. Missed a payment and that was it spiral time..the credit card I'm trying to pay but interest just leaves me in same place each month same with the other loan company's so I've got to the point were it feels like the only answer to get rid of them is to pay them all in full...clean slate...so I stop loosing so much Monet every month..but it's not that easy when you can't get the funds to pay in full..

When you say 'small loan companies' do you mean them payday loans etc?

Yep...shame I know..I get up and down...mood wise...bi polar after all the rituxan chemo treatment....also suffer with hypogammaglobulimenia...an immunoglobulin..immune system issue..and constant raised b-cell issue. have blanks with memory etc..get vacant minded a lot..very forgetful. Bad memory...so can be spontaneous sometimes when Im worried ESP were kids are concerned..and when I need things for them. I forget when payments are due etc so with all this ive ended up the way I have..I try to keep the cash in bank to pay the direct debits but I'm so limited to what I can do..trying to run a home with 2 kids on benefits and in debt isn't the ideal situation..

I've sent you a PM. Have a look when you can

It's almost as if you need post-it reminders for your due-dates on your bills.