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Sorry if this sounds a bit like a rant. So.Today I did it. I felt confident at first but then as I was about to approach her my anxiety subconsciously drove my body backwards. But then I said 'I'm going to do this'. So as I approached her I was so nervous. Pulled up a chair next to her. She looked at me, I said Hi and she said Hi, then I froze as I struggled to control my rapid heavy breathing. I told her "sorry I'm just nervous" and then she smiled and said, "Why" but I didn't respond. I asked her her name and then she told me her name before I told her mine... Then I asked "so.. You study English then?". she said yeah. Then I just walked away.. It was awful. I don't know. Am I coward?... I don't know what I feel anymore.. :/
 
TheDiscolouredRose said:
Sorry if this sounds a bit like a rant. So.Today I did it. I felt confident at first but then as I was about to approach her my anxiety subconsciously drove my body backwards. But then I said 'I'm going to do this'. So as I approached her I was so nervous. Pulled up a chair next to her. She looked at me, I said Hi and she said Hi, then I froze as I struggled to control my rapid heavy breathing. I told her "sorry I'm just nervous" and then she smiled and said, "Why" but I didn't respond. I asked her her name and then she told me her name before I told her mine... Then I asked "so.. You study English then?". she said yeah. Then I just walked away.. It was awful. I don't know. Am I coward?... I don't know what I feel anymore.. :/

Sounds like you did okay, next time talk a bit more, ask her some more questions.
 
You made a start despite your anxieties. There are lot of people on this forum who wouldn't even get that far without chewing their own faces off, due to anxiety, so I reckon you should congratulate yourself.

And next time, you will do better.
 
That is awful... But you shouldn't let this get to you. Learn from the experience and just do better next time.
Maybe you should pretend it's a dream, or pretend you're an actor or something. Just go up to her, forget your worries (it is okay to be nervous, just don't ignore her questions and walk away), and just blurt things out. Tell her she has beautiful eyes and ask if she would like to get together sometime so you can get to know her better. You don't have to really be courageous, just pretend to be. Eventually you'll actually develop that courage and you won't have to pretend anymore.

Just tell yourself not to walk away, not to ignore questions. That only makes things awkward. So would you rather say the wrong thing and sound a little silly and she might think you're cute, or would you rather look awkward and she not really understand you? Try it again but this time make it count!

As others said, at least you built the courage up to take that first step. Most people would never even dare! You just need a little bit more experience to follow through with it.
 
Despicable Me said:
That is awful... But you shouldn't let this get to you. Learn from the experience and just do better next time.
Maybe you should pretend it's a dream, or pretend you're an actor or something. Just go up to her, forget your worries (it is okay to be nervous, just don't ignore her questions and walk away), and just blurt things out. Tell her she has beautiful eyes and ask if she would like to get together sometime so you can get to know her better. You don't have to really be courageous, just pretend to be. Eventually you'll actually develop that courage and you won't have to pretend anymore.

Just tell yourself not to walk away, not to ignore questions. That only makes things awkward. So would you rather say the wrong thing and sound a little silly and she might think you're cute, or would you rather look awkward and she not really understand you? Try it again but this time make it count!

As others said, at least you built the courage up to take that first step. Most people would never even dare! You just need a little bit more experience to follow through with it.

Thanks, that means allot. I did approach her again today, and although I didn't feel half as nervous as before, I did managed to feel more confident. I may have probably messed up again though. I basically said "Hi" to her and then she said "Hi" back and smiled. Then I said in a quite tone as I slurred my speech, "I don't know what happened yesterday, it was kinda weird and I'm sorry about that again". I think she only heard the "I'm sorry about that again" part which she said "it's ok" before smiling at me... I'm very confused. I then asked her something a bit stupid. I asked her "did I make you feel uncomfortable?". She turned to me, smiled and said "no". And then I told her "sorry, sometimes I forget names, what's your name again?" She told me her name and I told her mine and then I walked away but not out of nervousness but because I didn't know what else to say in that moment. Yeah :/

I have few ideas in my head. I think perhaps she may have been trying to pacify my anxiety by simply saying 'no' as she probably thought it would have been cruel to tell me 'yes, a bit'. Or maybe I really didn't make her feel uncomfortable yesterday, I don't know anymore.... :/
 
So a little backstory here... Who is this girl you're speaking to? I assume it's a crush, right?
Go back one more time and, speaking clearly, tell her that you're sorry for being so nervous before and that you were only nervous because you have always wanted to ask her out.
Yeah, that's a hard one to say... If you don't want to ask her out, then just go up to her and tell her you were only nervous because you wanted to get to know her better and that you're just not used to being social. If you do that then you can ask her out after you get to know her a little better.

If she said you're not making her feel uncomfortable after you walking away like that then I think you've found a good one. Even if she was lying that still means she is a nice girl and wanted to spare your feeling. You just need to open up more. Like I said before, just pretend to have some courage. No quiet tones or slurred speech! And no more walking away! lol

It's a silly thing to walk away once, but twice? Please, do yourself a favor and just don't do it a third time. You can do it. Just talk to her. Talk, talk, talk! Say something, anything. If you can't think of what to say just blurt out how you feel. Take a chance. Or just ask her how her day was. Ask her what kind of music she likes. Ask her what she likes to do. Anything, just stop walking away!
Remember, three strikes and you're out. :p No pressure, though.
 
Despicable Me said:
So a little backstory here... Who is this girl you're speaking to? I assume it's a crush, right?
Go back one more time and, speaking clearly, tell her that you're sorry for being so nervous before and that you were only nervous because you have always wanted to ask her out.
Yeah, that's a hard one to say... If you don't want to ask her out, then just go up to her and tell her you were only nervous because you wanted to get to know her better and that you're just not used to being social. If you do that then you can ask her out after you get to know her a little better.

If she said you're not making her feel uncomfortable after you walking away like that then I think you've found a good one. Even if she was lying that still means she is a nice girl and wanted to spare your feeling. You just need to open up more. Like I said before, just pretend to have some courage. No quiet tones or slurred speech! And no more walking away! lol

It's a silly thing to walk away once, but twice? Please, do yourself a favor and just don't do it a third time. You can do it. Just talk to her. Talk, talk, talk! Say something, anything. If you can't think of what to say just blurt out how you feel. Take a chance. Or just ask her how her day was. Ask her what kind of music she likes. Ask her what she likes to do. Anything, just stop walking away!
Remember, three strikes and you're out. :p No pressure, though.

She's this girl from my college who is basically always in the library. Last year was when I first was saw her and I never took much interest at all until a couple of months later. It's odd how I gradually became more and more attracted to her. Anyway, the one thing I worry about is approaching her while she is with her friends, especially male friends, that's an absolute no no. But she is often on her own, it's just that I don't want to be talking to her and then all of a sudden one of her friends comes along. The first time I approached her she was alone, it was late and the library was almost empty. And the second time, she was just waiting for the computer to start-up. So again, I don't want to disturb her when she is busy doing work :/ So it's about timing, I need enough time to talk to her for at least 5 minutes without us being disturbed or me disturbing her..
 
Have something you have to do, or somewhere you have to go, that way you don't make the mistake of having alone time but linger too long. For your own sake, kind of be on the run. It might help make it more casual, like hey, real quick, how you doing with your classes sort of thing? Maybe ask her if she knows something about the school, like where something is. Get her talking and then ask her about her. Something. Tell me about your paper.

Be careful of the Hi, oh Hi; okay bye conversations. I've done it! You can easily fall into that trap because you both don't know each other yet. You're also nervous, blah blah blah. It turns into a nightmare and you walk away.

It's not full proof by any means, but it seem like a lot of times if you have the guts to approach and she hasn't turned and ignored you, you just need to ask her something to get her talking and your nervousness will lessen because she is now chewing the time up. You can just hit her with a couple of one line questions and potentially get 10-15 minutes of conversation out of her.

I once asked a girl about her Microsoft Surface 3 computer (because I was interested) and she talked for 30 minutes. It wasn't awkward either, it was an exchange. I probably asked 6-7 questions looking back, hardly talking at all. In the end she asked me my name and we talk through email.

People (not just women) want others to show interest. Unless they're ********, many want to connect. Even if it's just superficially for 30 minutes.

GOOD LUCK! Functionally, what you need to do is easy. In reality, it's not, but just use some of the tricks people have given you here to kind of trick yourself into relaxing a bit and having a purpose.
 
TheDiscolouredRose said:
She's this girl from my college who is basically always in the library. Last year was when I first was saw her and I never took much interest at all until a couple of months later. It's odd how I gradually became more and more attracted to her. Anyway, the one thing I worry about is approaching her while she is with her friends, especially male friends, that's an absolute no no. But she is often on her own, it's just that I don't want to be talking to her and then all of a sudden one of her friends comes along. The first time I approached her she was alone, it was late and the library was almost empty. And the second time, she was just waiting for the computer to start-up. So again, I don't want to disturb her when she is busy doing work :/ So it's about timing, I need enough time to talk to her for at least 5 minutes without us being disturbed or me disturbing her..
Hmm, that's a little tougher since you say she's already got friends (and many guy friends). But inevitably it's the same thing as any girl.

Since you see her at the library, you should just go ask what she is reading and likes to read. If she is at the computer, go sit at the computer next to her, and just chit-chat about whatever. You can still ask her what she likes to read and why she hangs around the library so much. Tell her you see her there a lot and thought she must really love reading. Stuff like that.
If the computer is starting up - then she's not really busy, talk! And even if she is on the computer it is pretty easy to stop what you're doing and have a conversation. A lot of people like to take a break from staring at and reading on screens anyway. If she looks too deep into reading something you could wait until it looks like she's taking a break to say something (just don't stare at her the whole time). Worth a shot, at least.

Like always_lonely said, try showing an interest in something she is doing or reading. At least that will get the conversation started.

You're right to talk to her without friends around. It's hard to get to know someone when someone else they know comes along and talks about something else. Makes it rather awkward. But if you got there first you could certainly still try talking to her about stuff (as long as you're not interrupting), and if she seems too busy with her friends, after talking to her, you could ask if there is a way to "Continue the conversation later", maybe ask for her email or facebook account to do that, or maybe, if you can work up the courage, ask if she'd like to have a drink with you somewhere, like a coffee shop or wherever the people at your college tend to like to hang out.
 

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