Hopetracer
Well-known member
My parents are angry and argue because they think I am studying and working too much. They say they can't see me, talk to me and I'm not helping them enough with the work at home anymore. Then if I ever take a break they scold me and say I'm being a lazy not-good-for-anything. I'm stuck between their contradictory ideas. If I talk to them they yell I shouldn't talk back and that I am a disrespecting and ungrateful brat. Since I'm their child and lack the life experience they have, they are always right and I'm always wrong. This is what's going on everyday at home. I wish I could escape them. I don't have any peace of mind anymore. I can't concentrate anymore and I am supposed to study hard. My professors are not satisfied even though I put all my efforts on my studies. They probably think I'm lazing around and don't study well.
I've heard so many times my parents say they wish they didn't have any children. My mom have told me she wish she gave birth to a stone rather than me. I don't know what kind of child I am supposed to be. I don't do drugs. I hate smoking and alcohol. I even don't have any friends to hang out with and cause my parents trouble. Yet I feel as if I am a criminal because of my parents words. I feel guilty that I exist. If they really don't want children I can fulfill their wish. I am tired of my life. I have enough in life to feel depressed and suicidal. I never wanted to be a burden, to have a life of studying day and night and overworking, a life I can't talk about because it's not interesting, a life I'm embarrassed of, a life that causes more harm than good to anyone coming in contact with. I never wanted a lonely life. I wish I could talk with my parents about my interests, about what I study, about university classes and the problems I face there, about loneliness, about how I feel, about repressed emotions, about my values in life, my beliefs, my thoughts and opinions, about my life. There's no emotional support. No affection. I have no friends to confide in. I have no one to feel connected to. I've never had girlfriend. I've never been given a chance to date. I will be a lonely and single person forever. I don't have any attachments in life to keep me alive.
I'm feeling so guilty for writing this post. I know it's annoying and bring everyone down. I wouldn't write it but my head's exploding right now. Things have been worsen at home since six months ago when I started MA course and I've been bearing it but I can't continue this anymore.
I've heard so many times my parents say they wish they didn't have any children. My mom have told me she wish she gave birth to a stone rather than me. I don't know what kind of child I am supposed to be. I don't do drugs. I hate smoking and alcohol. I even don't have any friends to hang out with and cause my parents trouble. Yet I feel as if I am a criminal because of my parents words. I feel guilty that I exist. If they really don't want children I can fulfill their wish. I am tired of my life. I have enough in life to feel depressed and suicidal. I never wanted to be a burden, to have a life of studying day and night and overworking, a life I can't talk about because it's not interesting, a life I'm embarrassed of, a life that causes more harm than good to anyone coming in contact with. I never wanted a lonely life. I wish I could talk with my parents about my interests, about what I study, about university classes and the problems I face there, about loneliness, about how I feel, about repressed emotions, about my values in life, my beliefs, my thoughts and opinions, about my life. There's no emotional support. No affection. I have no friends to confide in. I have no one to feel connected to. I've never had girlfriend. I've never been given a chance to date. I will be a lonely and single person forever. I don't have any attachments in life to keep me alive.
I'm feeling so guilty for writing this post. I know it's annoying and bring everyone down. I wouldn't write it but my head's exploding right now. Things have been worsen at home since six months ago when I started MA course and I've been bearing it but I can't continue this anymore.