Relationship experience = better partner?

Does having more relationship experience make a person a better partner?

If this is the case, it is sad for the people who have had only few relationships or who may have never even had any at all.

I'm wondering what some of you think about this.
Does this even matter?

I think it depends on the person.
But lets say given the same person, could they perhaps be a better partner after been through many relationships rather than having none at all?

Forgive my being pedantic, but I assume "relationship experience" is that of a sexual relationship as my late Dad would have put it. I have story to tell you that may be unique, I don't know, but my children's nanny had a few boyfriends up to her 39th year, only nothing of a sexual nature because she just didn't feel it was right. And then on her 40th birthday, met and fell in love with a man just a few years older. Six months later they married and are still going strong. My nanny? She's had a huge adventure with him and twenty years on to this day is still enjoying the best years of her life!

It is said "Life begins at Forty". I couldn't agree more.

I didn't necessarily mean sexual no, just in general.

About your story, and in relation to my topic.
Do you think because your nanny had those few boyfriends prior, it kind of prepared her when she found that man. So those previous relations were almost like practice, and she got better at knowing things about relationships thus she was then able to find one and make it work.

I don't think so because she told me it was love at first sight. Though the attraction was already there and seemed mutual, she and him went slowly at first, just seeing each other at weekends, and cuddling sweetly on the sofa. Her boyfriends she said were mostly platonic apart from some sweet kissings. One though, for example, had a Morris Minor convertible which he spent more time doting on than her. She said he was a "dashingly hansome guy", but obviously had more love for polishing his car than caressing her.

Personally, I've had a few relationships with women, and one much older than myself in a lover's tryst one memorable afternoon onboard ship; I was fourteen, she was forty with gorgeous sooty eyelashes. Yeah. But, I didn't see that my past dalliances made me what I am today. More like enjoying female company, only without what in the overly-fertile male mind would automatically mean a snog on the sofa with extra fumblings in the hope their advances would lead to the bedroom. Oh, men! Hahaa!

msbxa said:

Does having more relationship experience make a person a better partner?

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I would assume so....you learn things by trial and error, get to practice, get better. But it also has to do with a person's character and willingness to give

Yes, it does matter if you are a guy. I speak from experience.

I would like to say yes. Then again, I'm not sure. I don't know if my ex-bf was just a prick and my current is just a very good boy, or he just knows all the no-do's and do's because of his previous gf. It depends on how you look at it, I guess?

Yes and no.

You certainly learn a lot that can help future relationships (or the current one) while being in one, but you don't absolutely have to have that first-hand experience to be a good partner. Heck just learning from those around you in decent relationships already helps a lot. Although I don't want to downplay it hahaha, like they say, nothing beats experience

Ultimately I think if you can be good friends with the person, and you both feel compatible and willing enough to get romantically involved, then you can have a successful relationship together since you both will have the capacity to forgive and work over each others shortcomings and mistakes and just form a stronger bond as time passes.

Everyone are different so I really don't think so..

ABrokenMan said:

Yes, it does matter if you are a guy. I speak from experience.

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I think this goes for most people, men and women. I also speak from experience. I would enter a relationship with a better head on my shoulders, with less emotional drama and more maturity compared to before. I would also know what to look out for in the guy and at the same time I'd know how to watch out for red flags. These are things I would not know how to identify had I not experienced them.. observations can go to a certain point but experience takes you a long way.

Yes, I know I would be a better partner to someone if I had more experience. At least that's the case for me. It's difficult being stuck in mid-teenage years mentally when it comes to that, rather than late 20s where my age group is.

I don't think you necessarily need to be in a lot of romantic relationships to make one work -- I know people who married their first significant other, but I'd say yes in general. Sometimes we put too many expectations on our partners or mis-communicate. I'd say, be upfront about being inexperienced or having little experience. As someone who falls into that category, I'd probably want my partner to be more experienced just so I can learn to be a better partner from example.

There are also upsides to being inexperienced. It will probably mean you have less baggage from previous relationships. It might be easier to be sincere about your feelings.

I'd say the opposite. If somebody's been in more than 2 or 3 relationships before they're 25, it's probably because they're difficult to be around.

No_Nickname said:

I'd say the opposite. If somebody's been in more than 2 or 3 relationships before they're 25, it's probably because they're difficult to be around.

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Not necessarily. Sometimes it's not them, sometimes it's the incompatibility between the two people. Just because a relationship failed doesn't make each of the person involved bad. That doesn't make sense to me. Maybe in some cases these people can be difficult, but it definitely does not apply for all.

I think it does. My past relationships helped me figure out what I want and don't want.

My ex had kids. He asked me before we were dating if I was okay with that, and I told him "I think so, I never have experienced that."

And after that relationship, I have learned I do not want to be in a relationship with a guy with kids, among lots of other things. This knowledge helped me find a better match for me where I was happier in the relationship.

While I do think experience is helpful in determining what you really want in a relationship and learning from mistakes you might make, I don't think it's always necessary and I don't think it's necessarily going to make it a better relationship.

You know yourself, yes, you will make mistakes, but just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you can't overcome them in your first relationship and make it a lasting one.

Granted, like in Nicole's situation, if there are kids involved and you honestly don't think you will have a problem and then find out you don't want that situation, you can't help situations like that and you should leave the relationship as soon as you discover the fact, so as not to hurt the children.

ladyforsaken said:

Sometimes it's not them, sometimes it's the incompatibility between the two people.

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That's still a red flag. Repeated irreconcilable differences mean the person's stuck in a rut and dates a "type" that's wrong for them. If they're interested in me, it's probably because I'm that type, in which case our relationship will also end badly (it may not, but I wouldn't take the risk... actually, I probably would, because I'm desperate).

Nope... I don't think so. Because being in a relationship or being single aren't changing who you are as a person originally. Surely relationship can change the person for the better or worse, but it won't change who you really are deep down.

I don't think having had few relationships makes you a bad partner, but regardless of your starting point experience brings a lot of opportunities for growth. Breakups force you to confront negative aspects of yourself and problems you didn't expect.

I was thinking about this earlier today on a gaming forum, where a couple people in the past two days have posted about bad breakups with significant others who played with them. That got me thinking about how I've struggled and dealt with loss, romantic or otherwise, over the years and how it's affected my relationships with the people I'm close to now.

I think the secret to loving is to bring the sweetness you develop from seeing others hurt or others hurt by you and becoming sensitive to that, plus the strength you develop through learning to let go of angst and improve the flaws that caused your past failures. That's where I stand on it currently, and how I relate to it.

You can't just bring one or the other. If you only bring the sweetness you're just saccharine. If you only bring the strength you're brittle.

So has anyone answering "no, not necessarily" NOT been in a relationship before?

Of course it's valuable, it would teach someone how to cope with conflict and disappointment like an adult instead of becoming resentful, sabotaging the relationship in the process.

Basic interpersonal skills relationship 101 stuff - most people develop this at an early age having had girlfriends/boyfriends in adolescence.