Social experiment

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

hitch1983

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
45
Reaction score
1
sick of my luckless love life. i get rejected by every woman i pursue. So much soo ive never had a proper relationship. Closest ive got is 3 months long distance.

Im a nice guy, i workout, but im average to ugly at best.

anyways decided to try a experiment to see what it would be like if i was a hot guy on a dating website. Wasnt planning huge deception, just to see how girls reacted to a guy who was considered attractive and if i could learn anything.

So chose a girl that would at least reply to me. And spent next two days doing my usual, bending over backwards trying to get to know her, with not getting much in return. So much soo, i dont think a single question was asked about me personally.in a deeper way other than how are you.

then chose the same girl with the hot guy, he could get almost any girl i would imagine. and soo much soo, that the emails came thundering in without me even looking.

but what shocked me was how different she was with him compared to me. I was nice, mannered and respectful and went to great lengths to get to know her and keep the conversation interesting.

with the hot guy, i was brass, direct and sexual and plain rude at times.

guess who got her number.....and a chance of a date next week?

so now at the end of it all, im feeling depressed and crushed.

you might come back and say it was only this girl, but im sure i could repeat with loads of others.

internet dating is pretty all i have, and now i feel thats hopeless.

anyone give me any hope at all?

or similar experiences?

ps. the two profie pics attached. no need to tell you whos who
 

Attachments

  • 1.JPG
    1.JPG
    47.2 KB · Views: 108
  • Capture.JPG
    Capture.JPG
    23.2 KB · Views: 108
hitch1983 said:
ps. the two profie pics attached. no need to tell you whos who

I looked at the pictures, I can't tell the difference between the guys. I also can't see the face of the guy who has clothes on very clearly, so that doesn't help. Are they two different people?
 
Solivagant said:
hitch1983 said:
ps. the two profie pics attached. no need to tell you whos who

I looked at the pictures, I can't tell the difference between the guys. I also can't see the face of the guy who has clothes on very clearly, so that doesn't help. Are they two different people?

the clothes guy is me, and there is other pics on both profiles, thats just the main picture for each. theres more clear pics of me, as well as him.
 
hitch1983 said:
the clothes guy is me, and there is other pics on both profiles, thats just the main picture for each. theres more clear pics of me, as well as him.

Oh, I see. Well the two guys look pretty similar, from what I can tell. I would have thought they were the same person. I think you should use a clearer main picture though; not a grainy mirror reflection that doesn't show your face.
 
No offense man, but there is a lot wrong with this topic.
First off, according to the pics you don't look "average to ugly at best". Although the one pic I assume is you doesn't really show your face much, I'm sure there are tons and tons of women that would go for you on looks alone. So I'm not sure why you're beating yourself up so much about that, there are no problems there. There is an obvious self-esteem issue here, though. One that you think might be bleeding out on to the conversations you're having, maybe? It's not like women won't pick up on that sort of thing.
One thing about this self-esteem issue is that if you constantly downplay yourself, which it seems you are (at least here), and you are actually as attractive as the pic indicates, many women will actually think you're just a liar. Not just that, but she might also immediately recognize emotional issues and disregard you for that reason alone.

Second, you may have acted like a jerk to the girl, but oddly enough there actually are women out there who do look for that sort of thing (just as there are some men who do, too). They enjoy being mistreated, because of their own emotional issues, and do not really understand or possibly even want a 'real' relationship. In other terms the arrogance also portrays self-esteem, something you don't have. So while you might have been a jerk, at least the jerk was being who he seemed to be in the pic. (Although ironically both were just an act, but at least it was a consistent act.)
Moral of the story is: Don't be afraid to just be yourself. If you're just playing as the 'nice guy' to get to know people, rather than actually being that nice guy, then you're not really being yourself. Who wants that? You don't need to be a jerk, but you don't need to be this wonderful charming guy every moment, either. If you want a woman to get to know you, you need to know yourself first. Can you really say you know yourself very well when you do things like negatively criticize your own appearance?
And I'm not saying you're completely boring or horribly insecure or anything like that, but if it is as you say and women are completely uninterested in getting to know you, meanwhile I see an obvious esteem issue here, it doesn't take much for me to put two and two together and assume you're probably doing something to turn them off from you. Of course, it could also just be that you're looking in the wrong places. Just something to think about.

Third, it really was just one girl. Everyone is different and will have a different response. There are some women who would not even talk to a guy with a pic like that.
And that's another thing, the fake pic is obviously emphasizing masculinity, arrogance, etc. So when a women sees this in the image she expects that from the personality, too.
Your pic is de-emphasizing your masculinity. You can't see your face well at all, you are standing in a backish manner, you are standing with your hand in your pocket and your phone up in the air (in the general "selfie" manner), all of which make you seem like you're putting yourself off, trying to hide something, and trying to de-emphasize your masculinity. You look less like 'tall dark and mysterious' and more like "I'm a guy with self-esteem issues".

Fourth, I'm not accusing you of anything but this 'social experiment' of yours should make you question something new: Are you like that? Do you get turned on/off from someone simply because of a profile pic? Would you go out of your way to treat a visually appealing woman better than one who seems not so visually appealing? It's worth the look at yourself. Maybe reflect on it so you know whether you fall into that same issue or not.

I apologize if any of the above sounded mean, rude, or condemning. I don't mean it in that way at all. I just mean to hopefully bring up some questions that you can reflect on to possibly discover the real issue here.
 
Despicable Me said:
They enjoy being mistreated, because of their own emotional issues, and do not really understand or possibly even want a 'real' relationship.

Um, hold up a **** minute there, you have no idea what you are talking about. We don't ENJOY being mistreated.
Yes, we have emotional issues, but we don't enjoy getting treated like that, we think we DESERVE to get treated like that because we've basically been brainwashed into thinking we can't have better.
To make the assumption that we ENJOY being treated like that is ignorant. Not calling YOU ignorant, mind you, just the statement.


As to the OP, you aren't average to ugly at best. You're actually pretty good looking. I prefer the guy in the clothes better, TBH, but I don't go by looks. As for how you act, why do you have to "act" at all? If a girl can't accept you as you are, she's not worth having in your life.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Despicable Me said:
They enjoy being mistreated, because of their own emotional issues, and do not really understand or possibly even want a 'real' relationship.

Um, hold up a **** minute there, you have no idea what you are talking about. We don't ENJOY being mistreated.
Yes, we have emotional issues, but we don't enjoy getting treated like that, we think we DESERVE to get treated like that because we've basically been brainwashed into thinking we can't have better.
To make the assumption that we ENJOY being treated like that is ignorant. Not calling YOU ignorant, mind you, just the statement.
The only reason someone stays in an abusive relationship is if they actually enjoy the abuse. It is true that the victims will feel that they can't do better, but ironically that's exactly why they enjoy it - because they have the sense of 'belonging' whereas they feel they cannot have that. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that the way it might sound - it's a truly screwed up situation that absolutely no one should be in and it's absolutely not the victims fault. They are as much a victim of abuse as would be a victim of anything else.
This fits into the way you worded it just as well - the victims are "brainwashed" to believe they enjoy the abuse. It is simply another way of stating it.

It is simply that the emotional state of such a victim is unstable and was unstable prior to the relationship. It was not the relationship itself which 'broke' that person. That affect is the enjoyment of such abuse. How else would you word it?
Perhaps it is a bit politically incorrect and insensitive to suggest that someone might 'enjoy' being a victim - but if we're being realistic here, that is exactly what is happening in many abusive relationships. It is the only reason they stay, why some people even seek it out. As I stated it doesn't just happen to women, either. My definition of 'enjoy' is a bit stretched though. In this case it only means that they favor this situation to other situations, which the only alternative that these victims believe is an option is complete isolation, or worse.

Edit: And I'm sorry to probe, but why do you say "We"?
 
Despicable Me said:
TheRealCallie said:
Despicable Me said:
They enjoy being mistreated, because of their own emotional issues, and do not really understand or possibly even want a 'real' relationship.

Um, hold up a **** minute there, you have no idea what you are talking about. We don't ENJOY being mistreated.
Yes, we have emotional issues, but we don't enjoy getting treated like that, we think we DESERVE to get treated like that because we've basically been brainwashed into thinking we can't have better.
To make the assumption that we ENJOY being treated like that is ignorant. Not calling YOU ignorant, mind you, just the statement.
The only reason someone stays in an abusive relationship is if they actually enjoy the abuse. It is true that the victims will feel that they can't do better, but ironically that's exactly why they enjoy it - because they have the sense of 'belonging' whereas they feel they cannot have that.

Oh yes, the reason I stayed with my ex for as long as I did was because I ENJOYED the abuse immensely. I couldn't ******* get enough of it.

WTF, dude, have you ever been in a relationship like that? My guess would be no. I have, I've been there, I know what it's like and I know how it makes you feel. You feel worthless, you feel like you don't matter, that you will NEVER matter. and NO I most definitely did NOT enjoy that in even the slightest ******* way. It's BULLSHIT.
 
hitch1983 said:
sick of my luckless love life. i get rejected by every woman i pursue. So much soo ive never had a proper relationship. Closest ive got is 3 months long distance.

Im a nice guy, i workout, but im average to ugly at best.

anyways decided to try a experiment to see what it would be like if i was a hot guy on a dating website. Wasnt planning huge deception, just to see how girls reacted to a guy who was considered attractive and if i could learn anything.

So chose a girl that would at least reply to me. And spent next two days doing my usual, bending over backwards trying to get to know her, with not getting much in return. So much soo, i dont think a single question was asked about me personally.in a deeper way other than how are you.

then chose the same girl with the hot guy, he could get almost any girl i would imagine. and soo much soo, that the emails came thundering in without me even looking.

but what shocked me was how different she was with him compared to me. I was nice, mannered and respectful and went to great lengths to get to know her and keep the conversation interesting.

with the hot guy, i was brass, direct and sexual and plain rude at times.

guess who got her number.....and a chance of a date next week?

so now at the end of it all, im feeling depressed and crushed.

you might come back and say it was only this girl, but im sure i could repeat with loads of others.

internet dating is pretty all i have, and now i feel thats hopeless.

anyone give me any hope at all?

or similar experiences?

ps. the two profie pics attached. no need to tell you whos who


I'm not the slightest bit surprized by this. Of course people will deny it happens. It's isn't a gender thing either. I am sure if a woman did the same thing, she would get the same results !
 
ah ive not included enough information i see.

the two photos were just a brief guide, i wasnt expecting to compete with the guy on looks, i knew i would lose.

but in both profiles, there were clear photos of each of us, those were just the main ones. not the only evidence she had to judge us.

the experiment was to first find a girl who would reply to me, without the hot guy profile being involved.

someone who i knew i could have a conversation with regardless.

i acted in the same mannerism with both profiles to begin with. but eventually i knew i could get away with more with the hot guy and went into bad boy mode.

i didnt bother doing that with myself, because i know it would lead to getting ignored or blocked.

i could try it again and prove this fact, but i feel its inevitable regardless.
 
hitch1983 said:
Solivagant said:
hitch1983 said:
ps. the two profie pics attached. no need to tell you whos who

I looked at the pictures, I can't tell the difference between the guys. I also can't see the face of the guy who has clothes on very clearly, so that doesn't help. Are they two different people?

the clothes guy is me, and there is other pics on both profiles, thats just the main picture for each. theres more clear pics of me, as well as him.

One point though. When you start messing about like this then it's time to quit online dating. Surely you have better things to do than this ?
 
TheRealCallie said:
I prefer the guy in the clothes better, TBH, but I don't go by looks.

^ Yes, I was also going to say, I like that you are wearing clothes, lol. To me, the other guy's picture reeks of arrogance and superficiality, which are two things I try to stay far away from. I personally find shirtless pictures off-putting because they leave me with the impression that the guy's main interest is in physical appearance and his priority is going to be sex (which is probably not always true, but that's what it says to me). I'm sure that's fine for some people but I'm not in it to mess around, my interest is in serious long-term relationships. (Or would be if I weren't taken! =] )

Triple Bogey said:
When you start messing about like this then it's time to quit online dating.

^ I agree.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Despicable Me said:
TheRealCallie said:
Despicable Me said:
They enjoy being mistreated, because of their own emotional issues, and do not really understand or possibly even want a 'real' relationship.

Um, hold up a **** minute there, you have no idea what you are talking about. We don't ENJOY being mistreated.
Yes, we have emotional issues, but we don't enjoy getting treated like that, we think we DESERVE to get treated like that because we've basically been brainwashed into thinking we can't have better.
To make the assumption that we ENJOY being treated like that is ignorant. Not calling YOU ignorant, mind you, just the statement.
The only reason someone stays in an abusive relationship is if they actually enjoy the abuse. It is true that the victims will feel that they can't do better, but ironically that's exactly why they enjoy it - because they have the sense of 'belonging' whereas they feel they cannot have that.

Oh yes, the reason I stayed with my ex for as long as I did was because I ENJOYED the abuse immensely. I couldn't ******* get enough of it.

WTF, dude, have you ever been in a relationship like that? My guess would be no. I have, I've been there, I know what it's like and I know how it makes you feel. You feel worthless, you feel like you don't matter, that you will NEVER matter. and NO I most definitely did NOT enjoy that in even the slightest ******* way. It's BULLSHIT.

Nice victim blaming, Despicable.
Why do men always feel the need to degrade or objectify women?!

1 ) It's not because one girl didn't want you that your life is over
2 ) Its not because one girl didn't want you that no one will want you
3 ) You aren't ugly, and do you really want to be with someone that's with you because you look nice? Wouldn't you rather have someone that LOVES you?
4 ) Girls won't give you sex by being nice to them. You should just be nice in general, ffs. Women don't owe you a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. I'm getting tired of all these bitter men talking down on women and saying they're doing this and that whilst they should probably re-evaluate their own behavior.

Gross.
 
This is not a social experiment. Your experience with one single girl does not reflect the socialization habits of all women everywhere. I agree with Despicable in that your lack of self-esteem is perfectly detectable by anyone with two brain cells to rub together. That, to many, is an unattractive trait. Learn to be at peace with yourself and stop chasing down women, and you probably won't come off that way.
 
Doubt The Rabbit said:
This is not a social experiment. Your experience with one single girl does not reflect the socialization habits of all women everywhere. I agree with Despicable in that your lack of self-esteem is perfectly detectable by anyone with two brain cells to rub together. That, to many, is an unattractive trait. Learn to be at peace with yourself and stop chasing down women, and you probably won't come off that way.

how do you explain the differing attitudes.

ok she may not have found me as attractive as the other guy.

but enough to catch her initial attention.

then from acting a perfect gentleman, i got nowhere, where as a brute under his guise, i could have got anything i wanted,

yes i lack self asteem, but that was not tainted by this experiment. otherwise i would have failed with the hot guy persona.

i didnt expect her to fall in love with me either, but to get nowhere just acting as a decent guy

and to get her number and to the point of arranging a date with the loutish behaviour with the hot guy is something else entirely.
 
I find it difficult to believe that a wholly decent guy would create a fake profile to trap a girl, but feel free to disagree with me.

As Despicable also pointed out, arrogance suggests confidence. Comparing the type of guy who loathes himself to the point of pretending to be someone else, and the "guy" who is comfortable with himself to the point of blind arrogance, plenty will find the arrogance to be less unpleasant. Plenty, if not most, would find neither persona to be pleasant. That's why one single girl is not an experiment.
 
LMAO The first pic looks photo shopped. As far as your pic you need to take your hand out of your pocket and look at the camera. Not making eye contact is a sign of weakness.

As far as the ladies, they will never admit it but looks are just as important to them as guys. The reason you got further playing the arrogant guy is because they can't tell the difference between arrogance and confidence. Women like confident men. It's the reason why you'll never meet an ******* who doesn't have a girlfriend. He may be an ******* but he appears to be confident(even if he's really an insecure guy and trying to hide it by being a loud obnoxious tool).

I think maybe you are making yourself too accessible. It's human nature to want what you can't have. So don't put to much effort into wooing women. I've noticed quite a few show more interest in myself when I act aloof. If you're putting tons of effort in it reeks of desperation.

I would probably try to be a little more brash when talking to them as well. The nice well mannered guy isn't exactly what a younger girl will find exciting. Refer back to what I said about ass**les earlier. Women want brash, confident and spontaneous.

I'd say your biggest obstacle is your self esteem. Women can smell an insecure guy and its a turn off for them. I think that is your biggest problem. That and trying to be so nice. People associate nice with being weak. And weakness is not something a woman finds attractive or exciting.

Anyways, this is just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Also, I know how you feel. I went through the same garbage when I was younger.

PS You're not an ugly guy.
 
Doubt The Rabbit said:
I find it difficult to believe that a wholly decent guy would create a fake profile to trap a girl, but feel free to disagree with me.

He didn't do this to "trap" a girl.

Perhaps give him a break, he's not been very lucky, and wanted to experiment for a short time just to see if he could learn anything from it.

I think he CAN learn something from it. Now, some of this may be controversial, apologies in advance. Let us look past just the fact that he used a picture of an overconfident masculine, attractive guy. There's no denying that looking that way innately (and taking a good picture) will improve one's response rate, most people of either gender tend to be visual creatures as it is.

Let's look at the way he disengaged his core self, when he talked very assertively and confidently as the fake guy. As he said, there was a positive response to this as well. This is the part that he *can* do. I don't mean he should, as himself, start saying offensive things or degrading comments.. but that he can take *some* of this swagger, and learn to integrate it into his typical communications.

Acting assertively and being a little bit selfish/edgy will sometimes translate as confidence. Confidence is attractive. You don't have to be a "super hot" guy to do this, though. It's just you have to adjust your own self-image, so it doesn't read as fake or as if you are following some guidebook. Learn to like yourself a bit more. Then you can turn on the swagger (within reason) and I guarantee, you'll become more interesting, that way.
 
Rainbows said:
Nice victim blaming, Despicable.
Nice strawman, Rainbows.

Rainbows said:
Why do men always feel the need to degrade or objectify women?!
If I was trying to do that, would I have pointed out, multiple times, that this is not just something that occurs with women? I've personally seen just as many men do this as women. It's something people do in general, not something only women do. I made that clear already.
I also already explained that I was not blaming any victims. Reading my previous post would have told you that. Try reading a whole topic before you jump in, please.

Why can't some of you just think about what you're saying before you start judging others and jumping to conclusions?
I hate when people jump to conclusions - especially extremely wrong ones. It's problems like this that make me enjoy being alone, away from people.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top