Complicated relationship with parents

Hi, my name is mark and I am 13 years old. I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. 2 years ago, my dad passed away. It was a very sad time for my mum. To be honest, I have never really gotten to know my parents that well... My dad passed away when I was 11 years old. He was always working. He leaves the house at 9 o'clock and comes back at 6-9 pm. After my dad passed away, my mum had to run my dad's business. So she became busy. She never seems to really talk to me that much. We fight everyday. When I try to talk to her normally/nicely, she doesn't reply to me. Even when she isn't working, she plays candy crush saga. Her eyes are always on the phone. She never seemed to really care about me. I see all the parents at my school, I see all the parents on tv, their all very caring and close to their kids. I just want to be like them. Sometimes, I just want to stab myself on purpose so I can get her attention. I really don't know what to do now... I mean, she is my mother, it is a direct relationship. I'll still be with her at least until I'm 18. I just want a normal relationship with her without fights, arguments or sadness.

I'm sorry to hear about your father dying. That can't be easy for you to handle. Especially with it seemingly like your mom is too busy for you now.
I think your father not being there anymore could be part of the reason she's so distant and busy. Please don't cut yourself to get her attention, there has to be another way. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel, that you basically feel abandoned and alone? If that didn't work or you don't want to try that, I would try talking to a someone else, I'm sure you have someone at school you could talk to or maybe an aunt/uncle, grandparent, cousin? Someone that might be able to intervene for you and try to get through to your mom.

I hope you find something that gets through to her. Oh and Welcome to the forum

TheRealCallie said:

I'm sorry to hear about your father dying. That can't be easy for you to handle. Especially with it seemingly like your mom is too busy for you now.
I think your father not being there anymore could be part of the reason she's so distant and busy. Please don't cut yourself to get her attention, there has to be another way. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel, that you basically feel abandoned and alone? If that didn't work or you don't want to try that, I would try talking to a someone else, I'm sure you have someone at school you could talk to or maybe an aunt/uncle, grandparent, cousin? Someone that might be able to intervene for you and try to get through to your mom.

I hope you find something that gets through to her. Oh and Welcome to the forum

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Hi TheRealCallie, the problem is not that she is busy... The problem is that I don't know why she is ignoring me. In her spare time she plays candy crush. I tried to delete the game from her phone and even tried to hide her phone from her. The the problem would get worse. We would go into a fight.

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TheRealCallie said:

I'm sorry to hear about your father dying. That can't be easy for you to handle. Especially with it seemingly like your mom is too busy for you now.
I think your father not being there anymore could be part of the reason she's so distant and busy. Please don't cut yourself to get her attention, there has to be another way. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel, that you basically feel abandoned and alone? If that didn't work or you don't want to try that, I would try talking to a someone else, I'm sure you have someone at school you could talk to or maybe an aunt/uncle, grandparent, cousin? Someone that might be able to intervene for you and try to get through to your mom.

I hope you find something that gets through to her. Oh and Welcome to the forum

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I have tried to talk to her about it. I said that I want her to communicate more with me. She says that I'm lucky enough to be wealthy enough to eat and have a bed to sleep on. That is true... But I don't care how wealthy I am... If you understand. I just want to have family time. I rather be poor than have my parents not talk to me. I would be more lucky if I have an actual caring mother that knows about me, that knows what my favourite colour is, that knows what my favourite vegitable is.

It sounds like she's depressed to me. Without knowing more about her, I can't be sure, but she's found herself alone and she doesn't know how to deal with it, so she's retreating into herself and not actually living life. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, how you feel ignored and you just want to be close to her.
Of course she'll get mad when you go into her phone and try to prevent her from doing what she does. That will never work. You need to find a way to get through to her. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone else. A family member or a counselor at school. Maybe they can help you figure out how to make her see what she's doing.

TheRealCallie said:

It sounds like she's depressed to me. Without knowing more about her, I can't be sure, but she's found herself alone and she doesn't know how to deal with it, so she's retreating into herself and not actually living life. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, how you feel ignored and you just want to be close to her.
Of course she'll get mad when you go into her phone and try to prevent her from doing what she does. That will never work. You need to find a way to get through to her. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone else. A family member or a counselor at school. Maybe they can help you figure out how to make her see what she's doing.

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No she is not depressed. She's just very quiet. She was actually like this before my dad passed away.

mark_is_lonely said:

TheRealCallie said:

It sounds like she's depressed to me. Without knowing more about her, I can't be sure, but she's found herself alone and she doesn't know how to deal with it, so she's retreating into herself and not actually living life. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, how you feel ignored and you just want to be close to her.
Of course she'll get mad when you go into her phone and try to prevent her from doing what she does. That will never work. You need to find a way to get through to her. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone else. A family member or a counselor at school. Maybe they can help you figure out how to make her see what she's doing.

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No she is not depressed. She's just very quiet. She was actually like this before my dad passed away.

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Try talking to her, Mark. If that doesn't work, talk to a school counselor. This is a tough time for you right now.

mark_is_lonely said:

TheRealCallie said:

It sounds like she's depressed to me. Without knowing more about her, I can't be sure, but she's found herself alone and she doesn't know how to deal with it, so she's retreating into herself and not actually living life. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, how you feel ignored and you just want to be close to her.
Of course she'll get mad when you go into her phone and try to prevent her from doing what she does. That will never work. You need to find a way to get through to her. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone else. A family member or a counselor at school. Maybe they can help you figure out how to make her see what she's doing.

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No she is not depressed. She's just very quiet. She was actually like this before my dad passed away.

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I've never posted here before, but your situation worries me and it just seems wrong that 13 year-old doesn't have his mother (or any other parental figure) to talk to. With respect, depression looks like a lot of different things, so I don't think you can say for sure whether it is or not. Maybe when your dad was alive, he helped her get a handle on it and she was able to pass as "normal," or maybe you were younger then and just didn't notice. Is there anyone else in the family you can talk to? Or a counselor at your school? Social services?

Mark, I can relate to your situation. My mom passed away when I was 11 also. My dad was always working and not there for me. Talking to my dad was hard...I was afraid he would get mad if I asked for more time with him and for him to pay attention to me.

I finally decided to talk to my favorite teacher at school. She was really awesome and really listened to me. We had a meeting with my dad...I was so nervous thinking that I might get in trouble for talking about my dad to someone else. But I didn't get in trouble! Not at all!

My dad did his best to pay more attention to me....it took a lot of work and understanding from both of us but we made it work.

Mark, talk to your mom AND talk to someone at school. ...it will be the best thing you ever did!

Well this is a complicated question to answer. I think that TV and the media glorify what a child means in a relationship. We often times forget that if one spouse dies the other spouse lost a mate. That can be extremely trying on the individual even if they have reproduced. To be honest your situation does not come as much of a surprise to me. The stress and difficulty of the situation is compounded by the fact that your mom runs a business now. There is a whole new level of stress there because that is your and her lively hood as well as the lively hood of her employees. There is a lot to be done.

So, while I understand your feelings, try and understand your mother's. Try and understand that there are times when we want to get away from everything and relax. Also make sure to never stop trying. If you stop trying to be a part of her life then she might drift away.

I think your mother is the one that needs some professional counselling. As the "RealCallie" advised, you should take help of someone from your school or relatives that can help you. There must be some friend or relative whom she really respects or listen to. This will be a great help for her on your behalf. I think she is suffering herself and that is the reason of her behavior.