Strangers who feel the need to tell you you're shy

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lei

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Does anyone ever get tired of hearing strangers tell you "you're shy"? It's as if they assume you never heard it already from the 200 people who told you before. As if a person who's 5'0" tall wants to hear "you're short" all the time... We get it, we know already.

The older I get, the less shy I feel. I am just quiet. Not a scared quiet, I just talk when I actually have something I want to say, and if the person is actually listening. It's to the point where I don't even defend myself or explain it to them because their minds are made up to put you in that corner. And I don't care what they think anymore, I find it exhausting to bother.

It's not really a problem to solve...just a rant. Am I the only one who feels this way? :)
 
Well, I'm not shy I talk a lot but I know few who are indeed very shy and It is very annoying when people keep telling them thing same thing again and again. It's personality, we have to accept what there is. This used to happen a lot when I was a kid you know the shy type kid. People kept telling me "he is shy" "he is shy" but I couldn't do anything. That was me back then.

But it is under harassment category If they keep telling you again and again and again just to piss you off. Ignore them that is what needed.
 
I get people remarking on the fact that I am quiet, which does get to me.
 
I used to hear that stuff all the time. Being told I'm very shy, very quiet, very something or other.

People don't really mean anything by it. They are just remarking on the fact they want you to open up, but don't know how to get you to do that. It's a natural reaction for them to say things like that. Some might even just want to get to know you, and that just comes out because they aren't sure what else to say because you're not really giving them much to talk about. Another reason for the response may be that they feel you're being too closed off or possibly defensive. As in, they feel they have tried to talk to you but got nothing out of you so they are remarking on the stress of this situation. In both of these cases it's basically a sign of frustration on their part.
Sometimes it's just someone thinking out loud, but I've found that is actually a lot less common.

So I used to have that problem.... Then I opened up. I learned to talk to people. Just talk about stuff.
I'm still a quiet person and I don't talk much (and don't have anyone to talk to), but I don't hear that anymore because when people talk to me I actually talk to them, too. Even when I have nothing to talk about.
 
Know the feeling. Was asked in a party: "Why are you so quiet?" I answered: "Why not?"
 
Despicable Me said:
People don't really mean anything by it. They are just remarking on the fact they want you to open up, but don't know how to get you to do that. It's a natural reaction for them to say things like that. Some might even just want to get to know you, and that just comes out because they aren't sure what else to say because you're not really giving them much to talk about. Another reason for the response may be that they feel you're being too closed off or possibly defensive. As in, they feel they have tried to talk to you but got nothing out of you so they are remarking on the stress of this situation. In both of these cases it's basically a sign of frustration on their part.
Sometimes it's just someone thinking out loud, but I've found that is actually a lot less common.

I have had people tell me the exact same thing.

Despicable Me said:
So I used to have that problem.... Then I opened up. I learned to talk to people. Just talk about stuff.
I'm still a quiet person and I don't talk much (and don't have anyone to talk to), but I don't hear that anymore because when people talk to me I actually talk to them, too. Even when I have nothing to talk about.

I wouldn't mind being like this.
 
I get this quite a bit,I am a shy person until someone gets to know me and then I allow the barriers to break down and then once they do they wonder what happened. I don't mind people saying i'm shy so much but I did have someone say that when they first got to know me they thought that I wasn't very intelligent because I had kept myself to myself and not contributed much to the conversation,I think that bothered me more.
 
Strangers tell me that I'm shy when I just prefer to be quiet. I don't care if it's awkward or anything, if I don't feel like talking, I won't talk and won't have an issue about it. Plus like you say, sometimes there isn't anything to add on our side, so nothing needs to be said. Nothing wrong with that at all I feel.
 
ladyforsaken said:
Strangers tell me that I'm shy when I just prefer to be quiet. I don't care if it's awkward or anything, if I don't feel like talking, I won't talk and won't have an issue about it. Plus like you say, sometimes there isn't anything to add on our side, so nothing needs to be said. Nothing wrong with that at all I feel.


It says more about them than it does about you anyways.
 
I should call myself lucky that people don't tell this to me. Not anymore at least. Probably because I also made the transition from shy to quiet - or even reclusive by now. Took me a couple of years though.

Nobody at work remarks on it, so I guess I manage to give a pretty convincing illusion of being conversational there.
 
A lot of people can't refrain from drawing conclusions if somebody isn't immediately an open book. Add to this the fact that so many people are uncomfortable with silence and you have a lot of headaches for 'shy' people.
 
I absolutely HATE when people do this. I don't know your situation, but almost every time it happens it's when a random stranger tries to hit on me and I don't act interested. "Oh, you're so shy." Yes, I am shy, but I will talk if I feel the need to or if I feel invested in the conversation. Usually when I'm out, I don't feel like being bothered. It has nothing to do with being shy.
 
No one ever tells me I'm shy. They tell me I'm miserable. Or that I look miserable. Really, I'm just shy :p
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
No one ever tells me I'm shy. They tell me I'm miserable. Or that I look miserable. Really, I'm just shy :p

I actually hate that more that being called shy. Or when they say smile! I really don't want to be around all these people...I really wanna just be at home...so shush!
 
Nicolelt said:
I actually hate that more that being called shy. Or when they say smile! I really don't want to be around all these people...I really wanna just be at home...so shush!

Why must "smile" be some code for happy. I mean, babies smile when they have gas. Maybe it is a good thing I'm not smiling :club:
 
Nicolelt said:
AmytheTemperamental said:
No one ever tells me I'm shy. They tell me I'm miserable. Or that I look miserable. Really, I'm just shy :p

I actually hate that more that being called shy. Or when they say smile! I really don't want to be around all these people...I really wanna just be at home...so shush!

Lol, that happens to me too.
 
"You don't talk much, do you?". Well, I haven't said more than two words all day, so obviously not.
 
Punisher said:
"You don't talk much, do you?". Well, I haven't said more than two words all day, so obviously not.

Wow, I've heard that a time or two or a thousand.
 
I was always being told I'm quiet, and many people do make the assumption you must be shy if you don't talk much. I tend to be more of a listener than a talker. You are right not to let their judgement affect you as it can be very easy to take offence or get upset by what others think
 

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