feeling hopelessly shy

Hello,

I've been quiet/shy/introverted ever since I can remember. I was always the one that sat alone and played by myself at school. I'm 23 now and beginning to find the loneliness unbearable, up to the point i'd rather not be here anymore. I live alone with no company and no one to talk to. My family lives in different countries and I haven't seen them in years.

When I'm around people I feel extremely shy, anxious, self conscious. It's difficult for me to say anything at all most of the time, and when I don't talk I feel like I must come across as 'boring' or 'uninteresting', then I feel guilty when the other person has to carry the conversation to avoid the awkward silence. I wish more than anything I could just be myself, as I don't feel like anyone has ever seen the real me. In all, I feel as though my life is just one big empty void that I'm incapable of filling...

Can anyone relate?

Yes. I can relate to every single word you said because I feel the exact same way. Please consider yourself not alone now.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

Think I can relate in some ways to you because in real life I'm quite shy and retiring. Part of this has been the chronic fatigue syndrome that struck a few weeks ago after I'd had some viral infections, and I started experiencing anxiety on top. Except since Dad died a few years ago when I was a young teenager, I've found it difficult to relate to even some of my family since losing Dad, and even bereavement counselling hasn't helped. When he was around I felt as if I could take on the world, but since his passing from cancer, even my being centre of the family among my kids and partner, I have had to come to terms that I am an alone sort of woman.

All I can suggest is your join an outdoor club like I did a few years ago. lol perhaps not abseiling which was my choice to tackle a particular fear, but joining a club can take you out of your personal circumstances to put you among other people. And the beauty of this is, they just might be experiencing similar, which was their whole point of joining in the first place. You could even join a book reading club where getting together with other bookworm enthusiasts you discuss the book you are reading. Being a reader and a writer at the time, I found this hobbyst club a good way of getting out and meeting likeminded people.

I don't know if that has helped. I'm a bit younger than you. But I believe that we have to keep trying because there is always hope. And we have to embrace that hope by trying to be active instead of moping around at home feeling helpless and self-pitying. Good luck, and keep on trying.

Anna Mouse

I can relate to you as well.
And I agree with the advice given by Mouse. A book group can be helpful as you know what you are there to talk about. And other shared interest groups can also be beneficial.
If you do find yourself again with someone who has to carry the conversation, you could tell them you are shy so that they don't think that you find them boring. And maybe they will also be feeling nervous and shy, so you could then talk a bit about that.

I was the same at your age, extremely shy and must have seemed awkward to a lot of people. I'm not so shy anymore, now some twenty years later, I'm the one making conversation mostly. Gradually through the years I have lost the fear of other peoples judgement and stopped holding myself back because of it. I thought of myself as the same 'ant-like' creature as the rest of society, a mere speck in this world, less even, not even a blip on the timetable. So who cares whatever I say to who and who would remember me for it, in the end it doesnt matter really, others will be just as forgotten as I am gonna be so I dont hold back anymore for anyone

Awkward silences are just that by the way but if the company has the right amount of empathy and/or enough affinity with the person you are it shouldnt matter much, it is as much a matter of human compatibility as it is a matter of the (right) things one can/could/have to say.

I used to be like that, too, back in school. I mostly got out of it somewhere around High School, though.
I'm still the quiet one, as always, and will always be, but I've dropped the massive anxiety and inability to talk or be myself. (Mostly.)

Honestly I just figured that if I was going to be 'invisible', then I might as well be myself when I was invisible. Or see how invisible I really was.
I started doing stuff for attention, and sure enough people noticed. I was 'weird', but I figure they probably thought I was 'interesting' because I was 'weird'.
Over time the massive anxiety slipped away as a grew accustomed to having a few friends and occasionally talking to people. I drew people out of their shells, I think, because I was withdrawing from my own. I was making myself vulnerable, so I guess some people felt they could allow themselves to be vulnerable around me.

So basically, I just pushed myself. I went WAY out of my comfort zone, and I did some things that some would consider social-suicide. But that's what was great about it. I could do all that stuff and get away with it. It took courage but I what did I have left to lose? I felt I had absolutely nothing to lose, so I went all-in. I put all my chips on the table and bluffed it. And you know, sometimes you win sometimes you lose... I could always just get more chips.

Did I get bad looks and stares? Sure did.
Did some people avoid talking to me? Yep, but they seemed to do that anyway!
More importantly I got to know myself and the more interesting people around me. I might have been considered 'weird', but then I got to know some other 'weird' people and I really enjoyed knowing them. They were far, far more interesting than any of the 'normal' people.

And even though I had a rather 'boring life' and didn't do much of anything, and even though I still didn't talk that much to people, and I still had a lot of anxiety issues for a long time (and still have some occasionally), at least I was able to learn how to be myself and started accepting myself for who I was. At least I was able to finally realize that I was so worried about being rejected for who I was that I was actually the one doing most of that rejection to myself.

Moral of the story: Just be yourself. Put your fears aside and just take a step out of your comfort zone. Even when the worst happens, you know what? It's not really that bad. You get over it and you move on. It's part of life... Time to start living it!

I used to be like that myself, start little by little by joining maybe a club of interest? maybe even going to places like starbucks or any coffee place and start a conversation with someone? It's little steps like these that help overcome shyness.

Can anyone relate?


Yup...I can definitely relate to that...in my younger days, I was living in my imaginary world. Over the years, I realized that I was a sensitive person and I pick up vibes from others. Science has also now proven that our physical body responds to external human emotions. Also, from divine sources, I realized that part my life's lesson was to boost my courage and raise my self-esteem. Through synchronicity I met a gifted clairvoyant and she gave me a spiritual reminder that all I ever need lies within myself. The same applies to others.

So...if you are indeed a sensitive person like myself, you could try something that I had learnt from a Life Coach by saying "I now release all emotions/energies that are not mine and that do not serve me for my highest good. I release...I release..I release." As you exhale, you can also continue to say "I release".

As for the building up of courage, one could also use positive affirmations, like "I'm confident...I'm have a good self-esteem... I'm strong." while practicing acupressure/tapping. This technique is called Emotional Freedom Technique, and there are many YouTube videos. I have tried it, and it changes my mood for the better. Also, epigenetics has also proven that our own cells are listening for signals all the time. In other words, our DNAs respond to our own consciousness. What we affirm , we become.

Hope this helps. May your blessings be many.

It sounds like one of those sad things that feeds on itself. You start off being afraid that you're boring and uninteresting, so you're afraid to talk, which makes you feel like you've got nothing to say, which makes you feel boring and uninteresting, which...you get the idea.

The thing to do about that is try to break the cycle. Look for things about yourself that YOU find interesting, because chances are there are people out there who'll find them interesting too--maybe not all people, but certainly some. None of us is so different from everyone else that we have nothing in common with absolutely anyone. There IS something you have in common with some people, somewhere, and all you have to do is find those people and let them know what it is. But to do that you have to start letting people know what it is first, even if the people you talk to aren't always the right people. The right people will come along.

I'm not a qualified therapist, but how about this: once every couple of hours, stand in front of a mirror, look into the eyes of your own reflection, and say something nice about yourself. Actually SAY it so you hear it. And force your face to look happy while you're saying it, because research has shown that forcing yourself to look a certain way can help you start really feeling that way. Ignore the fact that at first it's gonna look and sound fake. Over time it could get less and less fake. After a while maybe start practising conversations with your reflection in the mirror where you don't praise yourself but discuss the things that interest you. It could help form the habits of looking people in the eye and actively talking to them. Think about trying it, even if it's hard at first.

Hope this helps.

I can relate. Although I wasn't always this way. You're still pretty young. Have you thought about getting some help with your anxiety? I've read about programs where they teach people how to socialize.

I know the feeling. A lady and I locked eyes a few times at the gym tonight. She even smiled as I was walking by.

I went to the locker room and as I was leaving, looked back at her treadmill and saw her looking over her shoulder at me. What did I do? Walk out of the **** gym.

LonelyInAtl said:

I went to the locker room and as I was leaving, looked back at her treadmill and saw her looking over her shoulder at me. What did I do? Walk out of the **** gym.

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Sorry to tell you but that is going to haunt you for a long time. This has happened to me before too. Exchanging glances with a girl, a smile or two, and then at the last minute I got out of there. I relive what I did over and over and I keep kicking myself.

BeyondShy said:

LonelyInAtl said:

I went to the locker room and as I was leaving, looked back at her treadmill and saw her looking over her shoulder at me. What did I do? Walk out of the **** gym.

Click to expand...

Sorry to tell you but that is going to haunt you for a long time. This has happened to me before too. Exchanging glances with a girl, a smile or two, and then at the last minute I got out of there. I relive what I did over and over and I keep kicking myself.

Click to expand...

Oh, I know. Not the first time it's happened, won't be the last. A five year old has more "game" in their pinky tip than I do in my whole body.

LonelyInAtl said:

A five year old has more "game" in their pinky tip than I do in my whole body.

Click to expand...

Little kids are fearless. I admire that. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

BeyondShy said:

LonelyInAtl said:

A five year old has more "game" in their pinky tip than I do in my whole body.

Click to expand...

Little kids are fearless. I admire that. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

Click to expand...

You may have a second chance. You may see her again. It could happen.

Sometimes said:

BeyondShy said:

LonelyInAtl said:

A five year old has more "game" in their pinky tip than I do in my whole body.

Click to expand...

Little kids are fearless. I admire that. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

Click to expand...

You may have a second chance. You may see her again. It could happen.

Click to expand...

Still wouldn't know how to approach her or what to say...

LonelyInAtl said:

Sometimes said:

BeyondShy said:

LonelyInAtl said:

A five year old has more "game" in their pinky tip than I do in my whole body.

Click to expand...

Little kids are fearless. I admire that. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

Click to expand...

You may have a second chance. You may see her again. It could happen.

Click to expand...

Still wouldn't know how to approach her or what to say...

Click to expand...

You could try repeating to yourself: "Don't be attached to the outcome" over and over. Then try something, anything, and see how it goes?

Sometimes said:

You could try repeating to yourself: "Don't be attached to the outcome" over and over. Then try something, anything, and see how it goes?

Click to expand...

I still just have this preconceived notion that I'm unattractive and no woman would be interested in me. So, I'd just be making a fool out of myself and would be met with certain rejection.

That's the essence of "don't be attached to the outcome". Rejection or acceptance does not matter. If it doesn't matter, it's not an issue. Another way of thinking it, is "don't decide ahead of time how it will go". Because I suspect that alot of whether you are accepted or rejected has to do with how relaxed you are, or not relaxed. Make a trial run, totally not attached to the outcome. I'm not saying in a global sense, just once.