Empty/worthless - Update - Advice needed

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Legato

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Hello again ALL,

I hope all of you beautiful people are doing good.

I tend to drop in now and then to see how people are doing, help people out, an often give updates on how my situation is going. Anyway, let the rant begin...

Each year i tell myself "this will be my year". I've done this since i was in my teens. The year i make a go of things, the year I enjoy everything in my life and have fun for once. However, each year brings more bullshit.

Now, I don't want to come off negative. I don't blame those that do as some people have no choice too, I know my situation isn't as bad as some peoples which is the usual reason I keep things bottled up.

When i joined this site I was at a very low point. I had no job, relationship, friends, and even lost my flat/apartment. I ended up in debt and felt I was in no shape to continue in life. Like all of us have probably experienced, I came to that ******* brick wall (**** THE WALL!!).

I'd been single most of my life up to this point. A short while earlier I had a very good job, had moved out on my own for the first time, had the greatest set of friends. Those friends slowly became distant..until the point they were no more...I tried to go further in my career by getting a better paid, better position job. Well...this job wasn't exactly how it was advertised. Everything I was promised was a lie, and after arguing the case with my new boss, I ended up unemployed. With no job meant no money. The only form of money I had was a credit card which i wasted to no end. I was forced to move back home feeling empty, worthless etc. Some of you might of spoke to me during that time and know how bad I was.

It took two years after this for things to pick up again. I ended up in touch with some of the friends, I got a girlfriend, a job. Things were on the up. The job was going great, even gained a few promotions in the short space of being there. I still felt nervous though. I could still sense that ******* of a wall around the corner coming back.

My relationship has been on and off for a while. I can't fault the girl at all really. She does care deeply for me. However, due to her being out of work it's rare we can afford to see each other most days. Limited to once..twice a week even. Because of this the spark seems to have gone. We split for this reason a short while back, but then decided to give it another go. At first it was great, then it's getting to the point were I feel nothing. Different matter when together, apart it's nothing. Some days we don't even talk.

I survived a redundancy in my new job. Others in my department weren't so lucky. They were eventually brought back, and have pretty much taken my place in the department. I've kinda been moved away from the team, to be sat on my own. No reason at all.

I know some will read this and think i shouldn't be down due to what I have in life, people are less fortunate as me etc. But i do. I feel trapped, alone, and want out. Not in the suicidal sense. Any friendship i do tend to get into, I push them away. But then i hate myself for doing so.

Just away from everything and everyone.

---

Apologies for that going on so long, some parts probably not making sense. Thank those who have read it. What I want to know from you guys is what would you do in my situations?

The relationship saga?
How to solve my job issue?
Is it wrong to want to be on your own, but hate feeling lonely?

Any advise or similar stories would be great (although not great if you're actually dealing with this honeysuckle).

Again, much love for reading through this.

Hopefully this doesn't go under the radar.
 
In your situation I'd keep on keeping on in the same direction you have been doing. But I wouldn't be expecting any sudden breakthrough, I wouldn't anticipate that some year is going to "be my year". If that did happen, super! But I'd personally expect that the brick wall to always be lurking, just waiting for me to be a little slack.

Long live the struggle.
 
Like you I always think 'this might be my year' every New Year, but it never turns out to be so.
The job issue-could you go to night school to retrain or for more qualifications and then look around for something else? Or maybe start looking for something else anyway? Or is there anyone in your workplace you could trust enough to ask why you have been moved away from the others?
The relationship issue-as your girlfriend is unable to afford to meet you more than once or twice a week, could you go to her place one or two other days a week so that you would be together more? Maybe this would reignite the spark. Or maybe you and she are not right for each other.
It isn't wrong to want to be alone but to feel lonely when you are alone. Many people feel this way especially if they find little in common with those they meet. And when they are worried about things and find that they don't have the energy to socialise on top of this.
 
Well, your situation matters not, If you're feeling lonely or having something you want to discuss, it doesn't have to be the end of the world for you to bring up. All problems are welcome here. So...the wall. I think the main problem personally is that you give too much attention to the existence of this so called "wall". If you're confident that it's in the corner lurking for you, you're more likely to end up this way. Also, if you really want to change something in your life, what you need is not a good suggestion or pla n, but the discipline and will to follow a new plan. You're not always going to like it initially, and it's not going to seem like a satisfying or good change initially, but you have to keep it there against your doubt or laziness.

Atleast that's what I think..
Cheers!
 
First I want to hit on the relationship. It's like.. 99% true for relationships (whether they stay together or not) to lose that spark (for those that think otherwise, keep reading), I'll explain why. In the beginning stages of the relationship, our priority is the other person - because everything is new. We sacrifice our regular responsibilities to spend more time with the other person, give them our attention. We might not spend the time to make our food (buy take out or order deliveries), we might not do our chores, we might not run our errands, we might even take time off work, and we spend money that we otherwise wouldn't have spent. But there comes a point where you now know all the basic things about the other person and quite a bit of personal things as well. So now it's the phase of... Do I really like them enough to spend everyday with them? This takes time. Since it takes time, you can't afford to keep sacrificing your responsibilities anymore (let's face it, at the end of the day... we have to pay rent and feed ourselves). So we go back to our normal routine and "wait." Now, this could very well be the relationship is lost (depending on how long the spark lasted), or it could just be because real life needs to be attended to. So you need to assess your own feelings. Do you want to be with her or do you just want someone to be with you?

Jobs will feel redundant, all of them, there is no helping that. You know puzzles or games that claim "has over 10,000 ways to play"? Well, yes it's true, but it's still the same puzzle or the same game. Jobs are the same. If you had a job where "everyday you solve different problems" in reality.. it's still the same job. The question you should be asking yourself is - Do you feel fulfilled doing your job? Do you feel like you accomplished something?

Lastly, no, it's perfectly normal to want to be on your own and want to have company. Often it's not actually wanting someone to do something with, but rather that there is someone there ready to do something with you. Just remember that you should be providing that for someone else too. Which also means that sometimes they will say no to your requests and sometimes you will say no to their requests. It's absolutely normal.
 
Just to reiterate on what Regumika stated, all relationships 'lose the spark' at some point in time. I'm married and I don't even talk to my wife at all on some days, lol. It's just, you know.. part of life. We have kids so most of our time goes to them now. When you're with someone for that long you just don't need the 'daily romance' that you feel you need in the beginning of a relationship. It's always good to have once in a while, but not all the time.
But obviously there are some ways that 'spark' dies that really are just the end of a relationship. When there is no chemistry and there is no real love. When the relationship becomes more of an obligation than a desire. It's not just the loss of a spark, it's the loss of the whole flame that creates all those sparks. The flame will always die down, but whether the flame still burns hot or not is the question. When that flame goes out it's very difficult to get it back. If it isn't still burning hot after the sparks fade then it's probably not meant to be.

No one can really give you anymore advice on that relationship or your job without knowing more about what's going on there. You didn't really provide much info. You just said you lost the spark and that you were displaced in your job.
Okay then, but how and why? You say there is no reason you were moved in your job, but that's wrong. There is a reason, you're just either overlooking it or don't want to admit it. As for the relationship, that's for your to decide whether the flame is gone or not.
 

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