Legato
Well-known member
Hello again ALL,
I hope all of you beautiful people are doing good.
I tend to drop in now and then to see how people are doing, help people out, an often give updates on how my situation is going. Anyway, let the rant begin...
Each year i tell myself "this will be my year". I've done this since i was in my teens. The year i make a go of things, the year I enjoy everything in my life and have fun for once. However, each year brings more bullshit.
Now, I don't want to come off negative. I don't blame those that do as some people have no choice too, I know my situation isn't as bad as some peoples which is the usual reason I keep things bottled up.
When i joined this site I was at a very low point. I had no job, relationship, friends, and even lost my flat/apartment. I ended up in debt and felt I was in no shape to continue in life. Like all of us have probably experienced, I came to that ******* brick wall (**** THE WALL!!).
I'd been single most of my life up to this point. A short while earlier I had a very good job, had moved out on my own for the first time, had the greatest set of friends. Those friends slowly became distant..until the point they were no more...I tried to go further in my career by getting a better paid, better position job. Well...this job wasn't exactly how it was advertised. Everything I was promised was a lie, and after arguing the case with my new boss, I ended up unemployed. With no job meant no money. The only form of money I had was a credit card which i wasted to no end. I was forced to move back home feeling empty, worthless etc. Some of you might of spoke to me during that time and know how bad I was.
It took two years after this for things to pick up again. I ended up in touch with some of the friends, I got a girlfriend, a job. Things were on the up. The job was going great, even gained a few promotions in the short space of being there. I still felt nervous though. I could still sense that ******* of a wall around the corner coming back.
My relationship has been on and off for a while. I can't fault the girl at all really. She does care deeply for me. However, due to her being out of work it's rare we can afford to see each other most days. Limited to once..twice a week even. Because of this the spark seems to have gone. We split for this reason a short while back, but then decided to give it another go. At first it was great, then it's getting to the point were I feel nothing. Different matter when together, apart it's nothing. Some days we don't even talk.
I survived a redundancy in my new job. Others in my department weren't so lucky. They were eventually brought back, and have pretty much taken my place in the department. I've kinda been moved away from the team, to be sat on my own. No reason at all.
I know some will read this and think i shouldn't be down due to what I have in life, people are less fortunate as me etc. But i do. I feel trapped, alone, and want out. Not in the suicidal sense. Any friendship i do tend to get into, I push them away. But then i hate myself for doing so.
Just away from everything and everyone.
---
Apologies for that going on so long, some parts probably not making sense. Thank those who have read it. What I want to know from you guys is what would you do in my situations?
The relationship saga?
How to solve my job issue?
Is it wrong to want to be on your own, but hate feeling lonely?
Any advise or similar stories would be great (although not great if you're actually dealing with this honeysuckle).
Again, much love for reading through this.
Hopefully this doesn't go under the radar.
I hope all of you beautiful people are doing good.
I tend to drop in now and then to see how people are doing, help people out, an often give updates on how my situation is going. Anyway, let the rant begin...
Each year i tell myself "this will be my year". I've done this since i was in my teens. The year i make a go of things, the year I enjoy everything in my life and have fun for once. However, each year brings more bullshit.
Now, I don't want to come off negative. I don't blame those that do as some people have no choice too, I know my situation isn't as bad as some peoples which is the usual reason I keep things bottled up.
When i joined this site I was at a very low point. I had no job, relationship, friends, and even lost my flat/apartment. I ended up in debt and felt I was in no shape to continue in life. Like all of us have probably experienced, I came to that ******* brick wall (**** THE WALL!!).
I'd been single most of my life up to this point. A short while earlier I had a very good job, had moved out on my own for the first time, had the greatest set of friends. Those friends slowly became distant..until the point they were no more...I tried to go further in my career by getting a better paid, better position job. Well...this job wasn't exactly how it was advertised. Everything I was promised was a lie, and after arguing the case with my new boss, I ended up unemployed. With no job meant no money. The only form of money I had was a credit card which i wasted to no end. I was forced to move back home feeling empty, worthless etc. Some of you might of spoke to me during that time and know how bad I was.
It took two years after this for things to pick up again. I ended up in touch with some of the friends, I got a girlfriend, a job. Things were on the up. The job was going great, even gained a few promotions in the short space of being there. I still felt nervous though. I could still sense that ******* of a wall around the corner coming back.
My relationship has been on and off for a while. I can't fault the girl at all really. She does care deeply for me. However, due to her being out of work it's rare we can afford to see each other most days. Limited to once..twice a week even. Because of this the spark seems to have gone. We split for this reason a short while back, but then decided to give it another go. At first it was great, then it's getting to the point were I feel nothing. Different matter when together, apart it's nothing. Some days we don't even talk.
I survived a redundancy in my new job. Others in my department weren't so lucky. They were eventually brought back, and have pretty much taken my place in the department. I've kinda been moved away from the team, to be sat on my own. No reason at all.
I know some will read this and think i shouldn't be down due to what I have in life, people are less fortunate as me etc. But i do. I feel trapped, alone, and want out. Not in the suicidal sense. Any friendship i do tend to get into, I push them away. But then i hate myself for doing so.
Just away from everything and everyone.
---
Apologies for that going on so long, some parts probably not making sense. Thank those who have read it. What I want to know from you guys is what would you do in my situations?
The relationship saga?
How to solve my job issue?
Is it wrong to want to be on your own, but hate feeling lonely?
Any advise or similar stories would be great (although not great if you're actually dealing with this honeysuckle).
Again, much love for reading through this.
Hopefully this doesn't go under the radar.