Thinking things over

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

BeyondShy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 15, 2015
Messages
2,354
Reaction score
163
Hello everyone.

I took a step back today and was thinking about this forum and particularly the people in it and how I have been interacting with the few people I have been talking with.

I have come across as a very defensive and mistrustful person and I realize it. I'm not used to people trying to reach out to me so instead of reaching out I take a step back. Or in my case I take ten steps back and put up a few more obstacles just to be safe.

So I didn't sleep last night and thought about this. I am not going to say I am not going to all of a sudden stop being defensive and mistrustful from here on out but I will promise you this. I won't take ten steps back anymore and by writing this I am eliminating an obstacle because I am trying to have you better understand me.

It was not hard for me at all to choose my screen name because this is what I really am, someone who is beyond shy. When you are scared to interact with people on the internet because you are afraid of what they will think of you then you know you got it bad. I have a hard time accepting that other people are like me, strange as that may sound.

As I said I was up last night and I came to a conclusion, or a crossroads. I can continue coming in here being apprehensive and questioning the motives of others or try to accept them for what they are and that's a kind ear, a kind hand and a warm heart.

I don't want to be alone. I don't hate people. I'm just afraid to be around them because of my fear of being laughed at and rejected. And I know I have a lot to offer but I want someone out there to give me a chance and I want to give myself a chance too. This is why I am taking this opportunity to tell you how I feel and that I apologize too.

This is a great forum with so much support. And I have to give that a chance too.

Thanks for reading.
 
I am glad to see that you have taken some time to think things through. And I hope that you find what you are looking for here :)
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I am glad to see that you have taken some time to think things through. And I hope that you find what you are looking for here :)

Yes Ma'am. I really hope so. I just need to let it happen and give it a chance.
 
BeyondShy said:
I'm just afraid to be around them because of my fear of being laughed at and rejected. And I know I have a lot to offer but I want someone out there to give me a chance and I want to give myself a chance too.

People aren't going to give you a chance if you let your fear push them away, which is what you are doing. If you let your fear get you so defensive that you only result in being rude, you will never have a chance to let people in. If you don't let people in, you won't have a chance at making friends.

There will always be people that don't like you and some that will laugh at you, but so what. Do they know you? Most likely not, so why do their opinions matter so much? Just try to be yourself and you will find someone that is similar and you'll have the opportunity to strike up a friendship, whether it's online or offline.
 
TheRealCallie said:
People aren't going to give you a chance if you let your fear push them away, which is what you are doing. If you let your fear get you so defensive that you only result in being rude, you will never have a chance to let people in. If you don't let people in, you won't have a chance at making friends.

I have no rebuttal for this. No yeah but...or what if....or what about type of statements that you would sometimes hear.

My fear is so bad that this is what happens. I am so convinced that I am going to be rejected because of something, anything that I pull back out of protection.

This is what I thought about the other night.

You folks in here understand this kind of fear even though you may not have it as bad as I do, which I hope not anyway. What I need to do is take advantage of your knowledge and understanding of this to make a positive change. I am fed up with myself saying that I wished things were different and not doing anything about it. It's like running in place. You go nowhere.

TheRealCallie said:
There will always be people that don't like you and some that will laugh at you, but so what. Do they know you? Most likely not, so why do their opinions matter so much? Just try to be yourself and you will find someone that is similar and you'll have the opportunity to strike up a friendship, whether it's online or offline.

After awhile the opinions of the people that laugh at me or reject me really do not matter. It's when it first happens that it seems like it is the worst thing ever.

Being myself sounds like easy advice and it probably is. Applying it is another thing and this is something I got to try.
 
HoodedMonk said:
Your post made me smile. :)

It did? How so?


Tealeaf said:
Sometimes that's just how life goes. I hope things pick up around here for you.

Thank you. I am going to do my best to make it happen.



I had something positive today that I want to share. I went to the store today to buy some hot tea. One thing about tea is that I don't know what is the best to have because I usually drink Earl Gray tea..

Well, they didn't have that brand but they did have green tea and English breakfast tea. There was a woman in the same aisle as me and I worked up the courage to say excuse me, do you know the difference between these two teas? Well, she did and she told me and we talked a couple of minutes and I then said thank you and got the rest of the things I needed and went home.

It was something that lasted a couple of minutes and she was glad to help me. Chances are I will never see her again but that's ok. I am positive that when I left her she didn't regret talking to me.

I went home and sat down for awhile after that. This was tough!
 
It takes courage to do this, and I thank you for doing it anyway. It really helps. :)
 
Good for you.

The only think that will make your life better (or my life better, or anybody's) is figuring out what we're doing that's hurting us and trying to do something else instead. Crossroads are scary, but they can lead to some great places.

English Breakfast and Kenyan are my favourite blends of tea.
 
That was a great post (the OP that is) and I think this is the start of and a sign of great progress to come. As long as that is something that you want. It will come. :)
 
I can understand where you're coming from cause there were times where I felt like people hated me on here, I worried a lot. However I still manage to make a lot of new friends on here and opened up to a lot of interesting people. Believe you just need to take your time with getting to know people and you'll see that not everyone is going to judge you or laugh at you. I'm glad you thought things through however. =)
 
WallflowerGirl83 said:
I can understand where you're coming from cause there were times where I felt like people hated me on here, I worried a lot. However I still manage to make a lot of new friends on here and opened up to a lot of interesting people. Believe you just need to take your time with getting to know people and you'll see that not everyone is going to judge you or laugh at you. I'm glad you thought things through however. =)

Thank you. I appreciate it. And so far things have been fine. I figure if you get more support than negative comments then you are doing ok.
 
Nice post! It is so hard to be out there when almost everything feels like a trigger to Retreat! Lol I literally have had to tell myself, if I talk to this guy it won't kill me if he rejects me. Like I am not going to implode where a medic needs to give me CPR. That's so not happening... Until I get rejected and feel like I'm imploding. But I am here today, and you really don't die. So I try to live in the present, it makes you a better person. Even for those of us who are shy.
 
BeyondShy said:
Being myself sounds like easy advice and it probably is. Applying it is another thing and this is something I got to try.

From my own experience, it's actually one of the hardest things. But it comes in stages. It's not black and white, which i used to think.

Overall i want to echo what the rest are saying. Great post. As you say you probably won't have a massive mental makeover, but looking at it from this perspective will really help alot. People here really want to help, though everyone has their own personality too, if you're not used to one it might be intimidating. At least that's what it is for me when i meet a new person whose personality is unclear to me. That means i can interpret the things they say or do in a different (often more negative) way than they actually mean it.

In any case, all the best of luck to you. Remember you are not alone, we are with you.
 
Rosebolt said:
People here really want to help, though everyone has their own personality too, if you're not used to one it might be intimidating. At least that's what it is for me when i meet a new person whose personality is unclear to me. That means i can interpret the things they say or do in a different (often more negative) way than they actually mean it.

That's true. And if I have any questions on what someone means I will try and ask them instead of assuming.

Rosebolt said:
In any case, all the best of luck to you. Remember you are not alone, we are with you.

That means more than you can imagine.
 
Kudos to you, BeyondShy, for having some insight into yourself and your experiences on this forum. I admire you for that.

I've often thought that the most meaningful posts here are when a member breaks themselves open and shows their vulnerability. In fact, those are the members that I feel like I care about the most. But it can be very hard to say things about ourselves that open us up to judgment and negative reactions. It's easier sometimes to hold back and not cross too deeply into self-disclosure. Thank you for setting good example for everyone including me :)

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
Kudos to you, BeyondShy, for having some insight into yourself and your experiences on this forum. I admire you for that.

I've often thought that the most meaningful posts here are when a member breaks themselves open and shows their vulnerability. In fact, those are the members that I feel like I care about the most. But it can be very hard to say things about ourselves that open us up to judgment and negative reactions. It's easier sometimes to hold back and not cross too deeply into self-disclosure. Thank you for setting good example for everyone including me :)

-Teresa

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it a lot.
 
This is wonderful. I don't know if this is the first time you have took a step back and looked at yourself, but that is not an easy thing to do. It also takes a big person to admit things, and to post them here for the world to see.

I think this forum is full of people that care about each other and want to see others succeed in life. We all have different personalities, and some are difficult to take, but really, that's the world. I'm glad you are giving this place a chance, it has helped me out a lot, I bet it can help you.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top