Extroverted loner experience

Good morning everyone. I hope everyone is doing ok. Although I usually lurk these types of things but I was never the one to hold back my thoughts so here I decided to share my story and experiences so far. I apologize for the possibility of being a bit raw ahead of time.

I am a 30 year old Ukrainian guy born and raised and have been living in the states for over 20 years. We migrated here for a better life (won't get into the politics there) and my immediate family is small. Just me, mom, dad and aunt. I decided to assimilate myself as quick as possible, learn English quick, the whole 9 yards but didn't have too many friends and was told to go back to my own country and get out of this one and hearing slurs against my mom on a daily basis by my peers all the way from 5th to 11th grade. This sadly made me realize that Americans aren't as intelligent as I thought but hey kids will be kids and at least I didn't get into any physical altercations but words did hurt a lot. I did make 1 friend who was my best friend but sadly Leukemia did its job to the fullest and I lost him being left of my own again but I still talk to his mom any chance I can and keep the memory going. I decided not to take anymore mouth bashing and for my 12th grade and switched schools to go to a more closer one which also had a bit more Russian/Ukrainian community and even though I was ok with every race and style I still ended up doing my own thing and eventually graduated and that part was complete.

I did get a somewhat of a decent streak going around the ages of I'd say 15-18. I got a girlfriend around 15 and it was really amazing but it didn't last long and she was messing with other guys as well and eventually moved without saying a word around when I was 16 but from 16-18 I was pretty cool with a lot of people and always had plans and people were happy to see me and everyone was in sync. I guess your normal teen years. Around 18 I started to feel a decline do to perhaps me growing up and not wanting to do stupid things like drugs or getting in trouble and everyone around was growing up as well also starting colleges and such. I understood how the American system worked so I decided to try college even though it wasn't for me but I got constant bashing from my Russian community and friends how I am wrong which led me to continue to pursue being me even stronger. I started to get left out and even if I would get invited to a Russian party (Europeans party differently) I would be told to sit in the back and nobody would pay attention to me and $50 bucks adds up at every event you know. I was invited to a Russian restaurant one night I got told to sit in the back as usual and something triggered and I suddenly lost all of my energy, got up and simply left. It was a surreal feeling that I couldn't explain but it intensified that same new year eve when I was completely left out by my one last remaining close friend. I wasn't angry because I knew this was going to the start of something.

20-29, I graduated from technical school and I do IT spanning across various states in Eastern Pennsylvania for Verizon, bought a condo, have 2 cars to my name, probably buy a sports bike, condo is full of awesome tech even though I think IT is lame, tattoos, ww2 and modern guns, amazing hobbies and learned major solo activities and how to properly be a lone wolf but I am lonely and here is the twist. I am identified as en extrovert and not because of that Meyers Briggs test which I took because someone asked me too. I am a very outgoing, touchy feeling person who actually does cold approach girls in public if I find them attractive, I have been rejected so many times its actually quite an amazing experience. I just simply don't care and if I think you are cute I will approach. I don't online date because I think its for losers and while some say I am either creepy or intimidating I still cold approach because I can and I usually make the girls day by doing so and I figured someone will eventually say yes.

I am 30 now. I was out at a birthday party yesterday. Now I don't like standard generic American bars. I don't find standing around loud music over talking each other a fun Saturday activity but it was a birthday so I went. I sat down yesterday and I started people watching and needless to say I wasn't impressed as usual. I was around people but I felt alone and extremely disconnected and the funny thing is I had people talking to me but it wasn't enough. I'd much rather go out dancing as I am a very good dancer and again Europeans do it differently but I realized something yesterday. Even though the bar scene is the highest point of an standard American person its totally cool, its how they spend their night they are completely entitled to it and who am I to judge because it's not my cup of tea. So that's that really.

Moral of the story. Extroverts and people who aren't afraid to socialize be active are really lonely as well. Forced or not its not the easiest thing to deal with but takes a very strong individual to endure it.

It's funny I am reading this now, because last night my boyfriend and I were talking about the same thing with me.

Welcome to the forum! It's good to get a story like this once in a while. I think sometimes to the introverts and extroverts don't understand each others views of life.

Absolutely. I wanted to shed some light here because I noticed a lot of loneliness threads are mainly stemmed from introverts (if I lurked correctly) and I wanted to show that it is very possible and extremely true for people that may seem like they have everything down to having balls of steel and extreme outgoing personality to get very lonely as well. I am not going to big man anybody on here or especially the Internet for that matter but I do have just about everything as previously stated in my introduction thread and even more and others are envious of me for being set and not having to worry about mortgage or credit while I envy them for being able to come home to somebody or having something to do on weekends. My favorite is when people in relationships tell me how wonderful I must have to be single and have all this alone time and while its true at times their logic is a flawed and I'll explain why and its very simple:

Wanting "alone time" away from your significant other is very different than being "lonely". Those in relationships still have that luxury to go to their half when their alone time is fulfilled. Lonely people do not have that luxury so I just find it funny when people get jealous of my flying solo activities and hobbies and sadly I label their argument as null at that point.

I had to learn how to live like this and I am still learning everyday. Even my parents agreed that not a lot of people can endure this type of feeling. If I was an introvert I think it would be different but I am 1000% extroverted with some introverted traits that I've learned over the years by being casted out, left behind and not following the generic norm of living. In fact I try to do the opposite of what people like and never been a big fan of social media even though I do IT for a living, or love food like everyone else, in fact I try not to taste food anymore. I mean big deal if my sandwich is not well done, who cares there is no need to write a bad yelp review haha.

Like I said, its possible and I want to give a enormous shout out to all of people here. I am telling you right now don't think ill of this. When it sucks it really does suck but we won't break as easy. I promise.

I have never heard of an extroverted loner and almost have a hard time accepting that this can happen. Interesting to say the least.

As far as being an introvert that's not me either. An introvert doesn’t feel the need to seek out social interaction. A shy person, like myself, wants to but does not know how.

I hear ya. A lot of people do find it odd to hear about lonely outgoing people and while it may seem rather rare its true and it's happening to even the most social butterfly out there. I just look at it being another way of living for certain individuals.

The most damaging part for being lonely when you are outgoing is not being to able to connect with everyone else around you because that's where you draw all of your energy from and when a disconnect happens it causes a loss of energy so said individual goes searching for other crowds as outgoing people often do but if the disconnecting pattern continues the balance breaks and a once outgoing person is left on his own, often clueless. I was lucky to be able to find solitude with my hobbies and activities which kept me at bay for the most part but sadly drew me away from the current generation completely because of my evolving solo interests and hobbies that normal crowd does not understand. People are generally okay with my presence but aren't interested in my world at all and sadly I find them less intelligent to even invite them into it so I draw away to my own but I really do feel the biggest need to be out and about. I am bored and need to be out but I just don't connect with anything anymore. It stinks but again it's living for some people.

For your case of being shy and not know how to approach I totally understand but with my personality I'd be the 1st to come knocking on your door and inviting you out. That's how we work.

Wow.. so much courage to express urself.. proud of you... ☺