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Relationship issues when you have an inheritance
#21
Tell him that he is a tenant until there is a ring on your finger and the rent is 500.00 per month. END
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#22
(05-06-2015, 09:11 AM)kamya Wrote: Pretty sure this is going to end up ending this relationship then. Oh well, if that's how your parents want it to be. Maybe I'm single for a reason. I for sure wouldn't be paying $500 when it costs less than $200 to rent. Can't think of many people I know that would either. You guys all agree yet if it was you paying the $500 all of a sudden "my situation is different". /ok

How do you know it would end the relationship? Maybe the guy agrees he must pay where he lives. My situation is different. Not every relationship is the same. And if someone feels that regardless of the relationship, they should pay rent, then they should do just that. What, because you're dating someone you can mooch? I wouldn't pay 500 because this area down here isn't up to that average. However, as I said, if I were to go back up to Jersey, I'd expect to pay well over 500. $500 in New Jersey could barely get someone a loft, much less anything else. Alonewith2cats even said 500 was reasonable. Would you expect him to pay less only because they're dating?
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#23
(05-06-2015, 10:40 AM)Alonewith2cats Wrote: It's not free housing. My monthly association fee is $290.00. We are not at a relationship level to live together. It's a place to stay until he either finds an apartment or can stay with his friend who currently has bronchitis. We are in the dating phase. I am enjoying our time together but I wouldn't want to live with a man unless the relationship has progressed to the point where I could see myself marrying him. We are not there. The deal I made with him, more than generous. We split the cost of food 50/50 but if he stays with me more than 30 days then I want half the association fee, half the cable bill (he watches a lot of TV), half the electric bill, half the laundry bill and half the cost of food. I think in the expensive city of San Diego with prices comparable to New Jersey it isn't just a bargain, it's a steal!!!

This points exactly to the problem : if you are dating, getting to know each other, but living together is a whole other thing - maybe the focus now is the money, what about putting the focus to him going outside on his feet so that you can get to know him without all the pressure of living together and not knowing what you two really feel for each other (aka, not knowing if he only wants to mooch, but that doesn't need to be told)?
A good guy will be grateful for the opportunity but will also know that it cannot be for such a long time, and will agree that him staying there is cutting off all the "natural" dating period, and throwing you guys into a situation that is to say the least premature.
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#24
(05-07-2015, 12:13 AM)Peaches Wrote: A good guy will be grateful for the opportunity but will also know that it cannot be for such a long time, and will agree that him staying there is cutting off all the "natural" dating period, and throwing you guys into a situation that is to say the least premature.

+1
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#25
(05-07-2015, 12:13 AM)Peaches Wrote:
(05-06-2015, 10:40 AM)Alonewith2cats Wrote: It's not free housing. My monthly association fee is $290.00. We are not at a relationship level to live together. It's a place to stay until he either finds an apartment or can stay with his friend who currently has bronchitis. We are in the dating phase. I am enjoying our time together but I wouldn't want to live with a man unless the relationship has progressed to the point where I could see myself marrying him. We are not there. The deal I made with him, more than generous. We split the cost of food 50/50 but if he stays with me more than 30 days then I want half the association fee, half the cable bill (he watches a lot of TV), half the electric bill, half the laundry bill and half the cost of food. I think in the expensive city of San Diego with prices comparable to New Jersey it isn't just a bargain, it's a steal!!!

This points exactly to the problem : if you are dating, getting to know each other, but living together is a whole other thing - maybe the focus now is the money, what about putting the focus to him going outside on his feet so that you can get to know him without all the pressure of living together and not knowing what you two really feel for each other (aka, not knowing if he only wants to mooch, but that doesn't need to be told)?
A good guy will be grateful for the opportunity but will also know that it cannot be for such a long time, and will agree that him staying there is cutting off all the "natural" dating period, and throwing you guys into a situation that is to say the least premature.

It is premature. I am not ready. I can't even tell you right now whether or not after he moves out if I will be continuing the relationship or not. I am enjoying his company and I like him a lot and will always be his friend. But the romantic and sexual relationship I cannot tell the future of it or whether or not it will last long once I get my me time.

I calculated the average of half the household bills including food. $400.00 per month. He has to give me that if he stays longer than 30 days. He's pretty lucky. Did I mention I live in San Diego? Yes, I did!
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#26
(05-06-2015, 11:52 PM)VanillaCreme Wrote:
(05-06-2015, 09:11 AM)kamya Wrote: Pretty sure this is going to end up ending this relationship then. Oh well, if that's how your parents want it to be. Maybe I'm single for a reason. I for sure wouldn't be paying $500 when it costs less than $200 to rent. Can't think of many people I know that would either. You guys all agree yet if it was you paying the $500 all of a sudden "my situation is different". /ok

How do you know it would end the relationship? Maybe the guy agrees he must pay where he lives.

I was just basing that off of the original post where the guy says he doesn't agree that he should pay that much. If everyone's comfortable with the situation then do whatever.
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#27
I think he is a bit spoiled and bit cheap. I don't want to bash him so first I will say that I am very grateful for the 2 nights he made meatballs and baked sausage and peppers in the oven. He did a great job and I am grateful for the two nights be bought dinner, the family KFC meal deal and Pick Up Stix. He told me that was $50.00, $25.00 for each dinner and it allowed me to take leftovers to work. That's great. But when we went grocery shopping on Saturday and that night I did make a special pork chop dinner, the total for the week's groceries was $120.00. His contribution only a $20.00 bill. Yes, I know he doesn't eat my berries and yogurt and I certainly don't need him to pay for my Omeprazole acid-reflux medicine but I really think $50.00 would have been fair and the reason why is even if KFC and Pick Up Stix does make up for my $100.00 grocery bill he is still enjoying cable TV and able to live at my place for the first 30 days (if he doesn't find another place before then) without having to pay for anything other than food. He likes to watch TV in my living room with the lights off. I want a little light. He says it is to save money on electricity. I think that's ridiculous. He doesn't have to pay a lot anyway. Also when I suggested we eat fried eggs and potatoes for dinner one night he sort of complained about it being vegetarian. I said really you have to have meat with every meal? I don't. And I am a person who will often eat leftovers until they are gone. He doesn't like to eat the same thing twice back to back. I do believe being grateful and less picky when you're in a desperate situation such as relying on the kindness of another when you could otherwise be homeless has its merit. I should probably mention he is in a wheelchair but still works full time. Could the state help him with affordable housing?
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#28
(05-08-2015, 06:53 AM)Alonewith2cats Wrote: I should probably mention he is in a wheelchair but still works full time. Could the state help him with affordable housing?

They could, but usually lists of 6 months all the way up to 5 years exists for housing. If he wanted government assisted housing, he should have been rolling on that ball already. Perhaps, talking to the right person, he could attain emergency housing. But I'm not too sure about something like that.

And he really does sound crabby. That's totally up to you to live with, because you really don't have to.
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#29
I would definitely put my foot down if you don't feel he is giving what he should. It sounds like he might be trying to take advantage of you, to be honest.
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#30
I agree that it sounds as though he's trying to get as much as possible for as little as possible. It isn't a deal-breaker unless you decide you can't live with that (truthfully I couldn't), but it does mean that you need to be firm and clear with him regarding how much he needs to contribute during his stay.

If I could eat different meals each day and no leftovers on $20 a week I'd be a very happy bunny.
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