"becoming institutionalized"

I just read about William Macdonald, who operated as a serial killer in Australia in the 1950s, killing and mutilating six people before he was arrested and locked up for the rest of his life. He died a few days ago at age 90. About 20 years ago he was interviewed and said that he never wanted to be released because, on the outside, "I wouldn't last five minutes." The article described him as "institutionalized"--not in the sense of being confined to an institution, but in the sense of having been habituated to a life devoid of freedom and therefore no longer capable of being free.

Although I'm not a serial killer, and am not formally institutionalized, I have been stuck in my father's apartment for the better part of the last 40 years. My family has always denigrated me and treated me as incompetent and worthless. As a result, I really HAVE become incompetent and worthless, and could no longer survive if I lived on my own.

Has anyone else had this happen to them or know of someone else it has happened to?

I knew a lady whose father was controlling and nasty to her all her life and she never had the confidence to break away and make a life for herself somewhere else free from his nastiness. We met on a German course at college in the early 1980's-she was retired and I was in my twenties. I remember that her German was really good but that she never took the exam as she was too afraid of what her father would say if she took it and failed. She had always lived with him. He died in his nineties but she was mid sixties by then and only outlived him by a few years. It was so sad.
I have also had people treat me like rubbish and it is very, very hard to feel a sense of self worth after it all.
You say you couldn't survive on your own. Maybe you could try and maybe you would surprise yourself. Is there anyone in your life who is supportive towards you and who could encourage you to break away from your family?

I've read many of your posts on here, and I don't believe for a minute that you're incompetent and worthless. I believe that you *think* you are, though.

Are there any factors preventing you from moving out of your father's apartment? I don't believe that Virginia Woolf's "A Room Of One's Own" applies only to women, or to writing fiction. I bet that taking that first step would give you breathing space and help you feel much better about yourself.

You seem like you could be on your own without much trouble. Other than the anxiety of it all.

Ditto what StormChild said. You don't give the impression of being either incompetent or worthless.

I've personally only known one person who was truly no longer competent, and she had severe alcohol issues. She was impaired beyond recovery, but even then was not worthless. She was a very valuable friend to someone throughout.

Not to derail the discussion, but what does it really mean to be without worth? What has worth and what does not, in a person?

This might seem irrelevant at first, but I think it's interesting to know this:
Did you know that if domesticated pigs return to the wild they have been known to once again become wild boars, becoming aggressive and even growing hair and tusks, in the matter of only a few months?

Mickey, maybe all you really need is to escape.

Despicable Me said:

This might seem irrelevant at first, but I think it's interesting to know this:
Did you know that if domesticated pigs return to the wild they have been known to once again become wild boars, becoming aggressive and even growing hair and tusks, in the matter of only a few months?

Click to expand...

It's extremely relevant, but there are certain things missing from what you've just said: the age at which the domesticated pigs become feral, how long they've lived as domesticated pigs before that, their health, their disposition, etc.

As for people not being pigs, no comment.