Love and Destiny.

Love and destiny. If you know and truly believe that the one person you were destined to to be with, what would be the best way to tell them so? Just come straight out and tell them or try and befriend them and hope that they come to feel about you the way as you feel about them?

What if they do not truly believe that the two of you were destined to be together, what would you do?

You should always be as open and honest as possible with people you love. Life is too short to do anything else. If they don't feel the same way about you and don't believe they ever will, it wasn't really destiny. At least you'll know, so you can begin to move on with your life.

As for being friends with someone you're in love with, it's possible, but difficult, and you should still be honest about how you feel. If you told them how you feel and they don't feel the same, it's even harder. Hiding something like love rarely works. Most people can't pull it off. They cry about being stuck in a "friendzone". Which is a completely meaningless term that they use to make themselves look like a good person. But really, the friendzone people are being selfish. They hang around their "friend" because they want something from them, not because they're interested in friendship. They complain endlessly about their "friend's" significant other, claiming that they're a scumbag/bad person. They talk about how they do sooo much for their "friend", but they're not getting the romance they think they deserve in return. It's all very sad. Don't be one of those people...


So, if you're going to be friends with someone you're in love with, you have to follow some rules:

The friendship is always more important than your romantic feelings. Always!

Respect your friend's decisions, including and especially their choice of significant other. If you can't do this, then you can't be their friend. It's as simple as that. It doesn't mean you have to agree with all their decisions, but you have to respect them.

Never, ever do something nice for your friend because you think it'll buy you some kind of love points, or because you think it'll get them to change their minds someday. Chances are, they won't change their mind, and you'll just end up here telling people you've been "friendzoned" Do nice things for your friend because they're you're friend.

Always be honest about how you're feeling, with yourself and with your friend.

Try to move on romance wise: There are other people out there. Hanging around someone you're in love with can be like torture, so you have to resolve these feelings, for your own good and your friend's.

I've seen a lot of people come through here who completely failed at only being friends with someone they have romantic feelings for. Very few of them followed any of those rules, and even the people who followed a few still failed. I don't blame all of them for failing, because it is hard. You have to be careful, and always put the friendship first.

Would it be destiny if only one person felt that way?

Hmm...it's interesting (for me) how you feel destined to be with someone, who may be so oblivious to your feelings to the point of you having to tell them. I would have thought that feelings so strong as these would have been mutual.

Then again I've never had crushes or understood this "friendzone" thing either. If I like someone, it's often because I've got this gut feeling they like me too. Perhaps it sounds selfish but I've never fallen for someone who I know has no interest in me, like a little voice in my head saying "the spark isn't there" while when it comes to a person I like, there is always a vibe of mutual attraction.

So for me, if I felt the two of us were destined to be together then there is a extremely high chance that she's feeling it too which makes it a lot easier. OP if you're feeling it and they aren't, perhaps you aren't coming across enough as being relationship material? I.e. acting like a regular friend rather than someone interested?

I think a few of these friendzone situations develop from someone acting generically interested and expecting the other person to see that as being romantically interested. Like I said though, a lot of this is lost on me and I apologise if my ignorance has come across as being offensive.

None of the women I have liked / been in love with / had a crush on have ever liked me back.
None of them. None were willing to give me a chance. I haven't had a first date with any of them.
Some laughed at me, some reported me, some were nice.

Some of them I thought may be interested. But it was me looking too much into simple, polite smiles or small talk.

But if the other person knew about those feelings, and still did not believe that the two of you were destined to be be together, and still just expected to be just friend's,and they knew that being just friend's hurts the other person who they call a friend,what then?
Surely if they know that you are a great friend, kind, caring, ,considerate, and honest, then something must be wrong that would put them off wanting to be more than friend's?

I'd say that sometimes, despite how you see it, people just don't spark or connect. It's not yours or anyone else's fault, it's just one of those things. No matter how much of a catch you may think you are, you can't expect others to see it like that for whatever reasons.

Perhaps the friend is keeping you as a friend because they enjoy your company on a purly platonic level, again nothing wrong with that in the slightest. If however you feel like you can't continue as just friends then politely bow out and let it go.

There's always the risk that the other person doesn't believe in destiny or soulmates and will be ambivalent if you try to communicate your belief that the two of you are meant to be together.

Raven22 said:

But if the other person knew about those feelings, and still did not believe that the two of you were destined to be be together, and still just expected to be just friend's,and they knew that being just friend's hurts the other person who they call a friend,what then?
Surely if they know that you are a great friend, kind, caring, ,considerate, and honest, then something must be wrong that would put them off wanting to be more than friend's?

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I was wondering the same. Although, I don't think something must be wrong. Sometimes, things just don't happen. Not right or wrong. It just doesn't work out.

Everyone wants to be loved. If you tell someone you love them why do they start liking you less?
If you are so good together what is wrong in making things even better?

Raven22 said:

Everyone wants to be loved. If you tell someone you love them why do they start liking you less?
If you are so good together what is wrong in making things even better?

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Good pairing doesn't mean it has to happen.

But why would they start liking you less if you tell them they mean more to you?

Raven22 said:

But why would they start liking you less if you tell them they mean more to you?

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I guess that's just their reaction. People act differently to different situations. Not everyone does that. It's happened to me, but you get over it. Perhaps realize that it just wasn't meant to be. I would think I don't act any differently to the people that have told me they liked me but I didn't feel the same in return. But everyone's different.

Raven22 said:

But why would they start liking you less if you tell them they mean more to you?

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There could be so many other reasons for that. They could feel like it wasn't going to do both parties good, despite the mutual attraction. Or could be out of guilt. Selflessness. Clash of future life goals. Could be anything.

But if you could convince them that it was meant to be then that would be ok?

Raven22 said:

But if you could convince them that it was meant to be then that would be ok?

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Define "okay"? You can try to convince them but it depends how they wanna take it from there onwards. Whether they'll be convinced or not, and in each case, if they wanna do something about it or not.. it's really hard to say if that's "okay". I think what's okay would be when both come to a mutual agreement how to carry on forward with the relationship - as just friends or more.

Raven22 said:

But if you could convince them that it was meant to be then that would be ok?

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It's been my observation that most people are, unfortunately, not very romantic. They don't really like this sort of destiny, "meant to be", fairy-tale type stuff.

I'm not making fun of you at all, by the way. I think that sounds very sweet and if someone said something like that to me, it would warm my heart.

But, I feel that for most people, it kinda weirds them out. It's like coming on too strong. If it's one thing I've learned it's that you can't rely on fate or any sort of outside force to do your work for you - you simply have to learn how to be attractive. You have to learn how to be attractive in general, and specifically to the person you are trying to attract. That means either figuring out what they want in a partner and trying to match that, or deciding that it would require more change than you are willing to, and quitting.

Personally I don't think you should try to tell someone that you are meant to be with them. I don't think they will respond well to it. I think it would be better to just try to figure out what they want and see if it isn't so far away from your present self.

I meant that ok would mean if they believed that it was meant to be and that would prove that destiny does indeed hold sway.

And yes, Skafish I know you were not making fun. No sweats.

Raven22 said:

But if you could convince them that it was meant to be then that would be ok?

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I don't think there is any convincing. It's not like you're trying to get them to taste a type of muffin or a pizza with different toppings. This is life and love you're talking about. If there's any convincing in someone loving me, then I'm doing it wrong. If you have to try and convince someone that you're meant to be, then perhaps it's not meant to be. There's no changing someone's mind. They can come to the conclusion on their own. But there's no swaying their opinion in the matter. If they don't feel it, then they just don't feel it.

Maybe I won't need to convince them. Nature always finds a way.