I wish the pain would stop

I know I don't want to die but everyday it's becoming harder and harder to keep pushing, to keep hoping that things will turnaround for me. I'm just a pathetic piece of honeysuckle I have so much self-hatred for being, for being unable to fix my life, for being a coward and just ending it.

Hey, you're not a pathetic piece of honeysuckle. Try to go easy on yourself.. no one else would otherwise. I hope you'll feel better soon. Or you can always talk about what's bothering you here if it'd make you feel better.

I hope you are getting some help. I feel that way but I have a fearing of dying so I will never go through with it. I try to keep busy, talk to my family, my therapist or come to various sites just to have someone to talk to. It's hard but you need to find something good, however small and grab on to it. If it makes you happy, do it. But don't think you are a pathetic piece of honeysuckle. Seems like we would be quite a pair if we hung around together...lol. If you want to talk, PM me, I'm looking to make new friends anywhere. Anyone who knows what it's like to feel this way.

hi, welcome to the forum...
you will feel the way you say most days but at some point you will not feel like that anymore. Then, for a moment, you will see yourself like you really are, someone who is pretty cool after all, or fundamentally a decent person, or with some really great quality - it will be only a second, a sparkle, but it's there. I hope that you remember that you can look for those sparkles like lighthouses in the darkness, that's where your true self is, your self hatred might be an accumulation of circumstances, and when you self-hate, that rarely brings to better decisions or positivity.
I hope that you hang on to that sparkle long enough to breath again and to just let your true self expand out of the pain and the confusion, and feel that everything you might have done or not done is not quite relevant, that you can start again at any given day, any given minute.
I wish I knew the words to express what I mean - what you describe, the unable coward piece of honeysuckle, it's not you.

I've tried therapy and even anti-depression medication neither one of these treatments are for me. The sad thing is that in my work I deal with a lot of mental health patience and seeing what they go through made me realize a lot of doctors counsellors actually seem to make their patients worse. Besides no medication or doctor in the world can remove my loneliness.

Besides no medication or doctor in the world can remove my loneliness.

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It might not remove the loneliness but it will help your frame of mind. If you get your brain chemistry to a respectable level and talk to someone, you can find ways to combat the loneliness. I felt this way last week. But talking to someone and taking certain meds helped me out tremendously.

You came here and isn't that helping you with the loneliness? To know that you aren't the only one who feels this way.

Hey, overtime, you will recover, don't give up!

I cry myself to sleep nearly everyday and I've stopped believing a long-time ago things will get better.

Everydaystruggle33 said:

I cry myself to sleep nearly everyday and I've stopped believing a long-time ago things will get better.

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*hug*

Different people get good things going for them at different times in their lives. Maybe your time isn't there yet. Life isn't over though, you just have to keep going and eventually you'll meet some happiness along the way - only if you want to and open yourself to it. If you shut yourself out and only see negative in everything in life, you'll never find yourself feeling better. As much as it may seem otherwise at the moment, you are in control of how you perceive things in your life.

Things can actually be better if you wish to see it that way and see positive in even the simplest thing in your life. Rather than believing things won't ever get better for you, why not believe that things can (not saying that it will), but that it can get better. There are so many unpredictable possibilities you can't possibly know right now of your future.

Again, that is only if you want to see it that way - it's your choice. Ultimately, you get to decide how you want to feel about your life, honestly.