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Progress being made with a friend!
#1
A friend of mine has been being guilt tripped into staying in his verbally and emotionally abusive home for quite a while now. Whenever he has tried to leave in the past, his family played with his emotions, breaking him down, and convincing him that he was nothing but scum.

Today, my boyfriend and I sat him down for a long talk. We've tried to do this before, but he never seemed convinced. This time both of us went crazy honest on him. Usually I try to show some tact, but today I absolutely unloaded my opinion of these people in a rather explosive manner. I also told him that he shouldn't be torn down by a "family" that's supposed to love him. He really is a sweetheart of a person, and deserves better than his current situation.

He was quiet for a minute after that.

"I'm beginning to view my family differently."

It was so quiet, so solemn, so.... honest. It really did seem as if our words finally struck home for once. One of those moments where it seemed as if he was physically knocked back by what had been spoken.

I'm counting it as a win. Big Grin We went over a game plan to get him out of that household, and into a better living environment. As long as he can keep up that hopeful momentum, we might just have some progress on our hands. Smile[/i]
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#2
Having a family can be like being in a coffin. And it' s not necessarily that family are bad people in and of themselves, but that our natures and personalities are a totally random combination of one out of 60 eggs combined with one out of quadrillions of sperm. The chances of blood relatives being incompatible is far, FAR higher than the chances of them being compatible, and what causes nearly all family friction and mutual hostility is incompatibility. Don't judge his family too harshly, because they could just be reacting in a bad and inexpert way to him being different from them. But, yeah, if his home environment is toxic, as nearly all home environments are for blood relatives, help him see it and get the heck out of there.
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#3
That's great really. I wish you guys all the best and hope that it all works out for your friend.
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#4
(06-01-2015, 12:32 PM)Wolfeh Wrote: Today, my boyfriend and I sat him down for a long talk. We've tried to do this before, but he never seemed convinced. This time both of us went crazy honest on him. Usually I try to show some tact, but today I absolutely unloaded my opinion of these people in a rather explosive manner. I also told him that he shouldn't be torn down by a "family" that's supposed to love him. He really is a sweetheart of a person, and deserves better than his current situation.

While I think it's good of you as a friend to talk to him about it, especially if he felt the need to talk, there's one vital thing that you and your boyfriend should remember. And that's, even if they do treat him like garbage, that is his family. There's no amount of honesty, no amount of talking into leaving, no amount of him being separated from them that will ever change that. For his sake, I hope he finds a happy medium and a good balance. But wishing him good, healthy relationships in life is far from trying to persuade him into doing something he's not comfortable with.

Again, I'm glad you were honest, and I probably would be brutally honest too, but I wouldn't want to make it out like I was also someone in his life trying to make him go somewhere he didn't want to go. To me, that would place me in no better a stance than his family that treats him horribly... even if I were on a total opposite position. You can't force a situation to change when it's not yours to change.
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