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Could another person be happy with your life?
#1
I wonder how much of happiness is genetic predisposition and how much of it is circumstances. Not to sound too negative, but I couldn't imagine having the lives of at least 75% of the people in the world (presuming I still had my negative mindset), and yet many of these people claim to be happy. I think on paper a lot of people would love to have my life, but I'd probably trade places with an average person if he claimed to be happy. I could picture a lot of people being happy if they had my looks, intelligence, life circumstances, even my physical maladies. But I've always been miserable with the life I was given. I hope one day I can enjoy this life of mine, after all, what's to say I can't adopt the mindset of happier people whose lives aren't as appealing as mine on paper?
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#2
(06-04-2015, 04:00 AM)howtobealone Wrote: I wonder how much of happiness is genetic predisposition and how much of it is circumstances. I think on paper a lot of people would love to have my life, but I'd probably trade places with an average person if he claimed to be happy. I could picture a lot of people being happy if they had my looks, intelligence, life circumstances, even my physical maladies. But I've always been miserable with the life I was given. I hope one day I can enjoy this life of mine, after all, what's to say I can't adopt the mindset of happier people whose lives aren't as appealing as mine on paper?

I'm always interested when I read or hear of new studies regarding genetic predisposition and resilience. It looks to me like, since the human brain is only partially formed at birth, it starts with responses due to predisposition and slowly develops into patterns formed by experience, and response to experience. I personally believe that skillful handling of child character development can mitigate alot of the problems of predisposition. But I have no proof of this.

I think some people might want some of what they see of my life, but how would they like it if they had to have my head, along with my life? I wouldn't wish my head on anyone.

And yet, when I fall into envy, I tell myself that in order to have that person's life I'd have to be that person. Do I want to be that person? Go to their job, drive their car, think what they think, love what they love? No.

There is only one person who's life I think I might have wanted to have, and that is John Muir.

howtobealone, I'm just wondering, if you could build your ideal life which would make you happy, an actual realistic life, what would you build?
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#3
Quote:howtobealone, I'm just wondering, if you could build your ideal life which would make you happy, an actual realistic life, what would you build?

That depends on how you define realistic. Smile
I'd love to have some of my health issues cleared up, insomnia, sinusitis, digestive issues. I feel like my happiness would significantly jump if those issues were resolved. But is that like saying I wish I could be 6'2"?

I guess what I'd like is for my sensitivity to be turned way down, way more than I could do with a reasonable dose of antidepressants. I know people are scared of death but I'm REALLY scared of death. I know people get nervous in social situations but I get REALLY nervous. I know people get hurt when other people neglect them but I get REALLY hurt, to the point where I often blow up the relationship. I've read about Highly Sensitive People (even small doses of caffeine affect me greatly) and I've subscribed to that label.

But since I can't realistically change anything at a molecular level, I'm moving to a new city soon and I plan on trying to make as many new friends as possible, that I won't be as likely to burden one or two close friends with all my emotional weight. I also plan on getting a roommate because it's not good for a person like me to live alone. I tend to turn my friends into my therapists and they get burned out. I know that basically other people don't want to hear about your problems, but I still steer the conversation in that direction because I think that real friends talk about these things.

What about you, Sometimes, what changes would you make?
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#4
What does this even mean?
If they were you, or you were them, they could not possibly be any more or less happy than you are, or vice versa. Being them would mean being them, seeing things the same way.

I think you're losing the concept of 'You' in there somewhere. What does this even mean? If someone else had your "intelligence" and your life, would they really do anything differently? What would be different about this new you? What parts would you 'keep' and what parts would 'stay'? What is 'you'?

Maybe you just meant theoretical brain-swapping, and mistakenly mentioned intelligence, but if that is true then what would really be the point in discussing this? Would someone else be happier in your body or with your money? Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure most people would be happier with more money, and the ill would probably be happier with a healthy body. Some people may also be happier switching genders, as well. What point does this really have for discussion's-sake, though? It's true that obviously no one chooses their circumstances in life. We are forced to accept who we are born as, and can only do so much, within the rules of the universe, to alter or change those things. Some can believe in a 'soul' but unlike in the movies this 'soul' is not something we can simply just swap into another body, even by extraordinary means with some ancient talisman or whatever else the media likes to concoct. Body alterations are pretty much as far as these sort of things can actually go, but that really isn't even all that far.

So while we might wonder, could we be happier? It's a question we should ask ourselves within our own reference frame, and not someone else's.
In the end this is just another way, a roundabout way, to compare yourself to everyone else. And we all know how that goes around here. It's not healthy to do this to yourself.
"But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here."
-- Lewis Carrol, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
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#5
Isn't happiness or fulfillment or whatever you'd like to call it about accepting the reality of your life for what it is, though? Or am I way off the mark?
And blood-black nothingness began to spin
A system of cells interlinked within
Cells interlinked within cells interlinked
Within one stem. And dreadfully distinct
Against the dark, a tall white fountain played.
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#6
(06-04-2015, 06:47 AM)lifestream Wrote: Isn't happiness or fulfillment or whatever you'd like to call it about accepting the reality of your life for what it is, though? Or am I way off the mark?

I would say accepting the reality of the current moment of your life. Because otherwise, why strive? I do strive. I strive my ass off!

howtobealone, I think you possess great courage to shift and change the way you are saying, moving to a new city and all that. I think that's so fantastic!

I think I'm so freakin' lucky that I'd be afraid to change anything and jinx it all. If anything I'd really go back in time if I could and change that I was so scared all the time. I didn't enjoy alot of my life, being so scared.
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#7
Could another person be happy with my life?
I think so. I bet there are a number of slum-dwellers and people who go to bed hungry or live close to violence and death every day who would be quite happy with my life.

I'm not sure about the word "happy" though, that can be a nebulous term. It's possible to have happy moments. I'm happy when I eat chocolate. But a happy life? Meh. Who needs it? I'll take my life with all the joy, disappointments, sadness, beauty and truth that it's given me. How about a satisfying life. That's not quite the same as happy. Those people that appear to be happy are more likely feeling satisfied.

-Teresa
En la boca cerrada no entran moscas.
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#8
Yes on the surface I think most people think my life "should" be great. But I can't really see it that way. Well I think I am lucky to have some things in my life but it is like I see the reality of them and can't keep the rose colored glasses on. But others can.

I also identify as a highly sensitive person.

It relates to my other thread about always knowing you were going to be alone. I felt from a young age I didn't really see things like other people. I personally don't feel it is more negative but more realistic. I don't stick with people. They tend to be superficial and not want to talk. While I want to be deep and go into detail. They tend to want to come home after a long day and get drunk and forget about it.. I tend to want to spend the night complaining about it.

I don't do a lot of things because I feel they won't work, while others just blunder right on in. I think when I was younger I was more able to do that but, even then, I felt other people were irresponsible while I was merely optimistic.
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#9
I don't know if someone else could be happy with my life. I know that I am not.
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#10
I'm very happy with my life !
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