Could another person be happy with your life?

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howtobealone

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I wonder how much of happiness is genetic predisposition and how much of it is circumstances. Not to sound too negative, but I couldn't imagine having the lives of at least 75% of the people in the world (presuming I still had my negative mindset), and yet many of these people claim to be happy. I think on paper a lot of people would love to have my life, but I'd probably trade places with an average person if he claimed to be happy. I could picture a lot of people being happy if they had my looks, intelligence, life circumstances, even my physical maladies. But I've always been miserable with the life I was given. I hope one day I can enjoy this life of mine, after all, what's to say I can't adopt the mindset of happier people whose lives aren't as appealing as mine on paper?
 
howtobealone said:
I wonder how much of happiness is genetic predisposition and how much of it is circumstances. I think on paper a lot of people would love to have my life, but I'd probably trade places with an average person if he claimed to be happy. I could picture a lot of people being happy if they had my looks, intelligence, life circumstances, even my physical maladies. But I've always been miserable with the life I was given. I hope one day I can enjoy this life of mine, after all, what's to say I can't adopt the mindset of happier people whose lives aren't as appealing as mine on paper?

I'm always interested when I read or hear of new studies regarding genetic predisposition and resilience. It looks to me like, since the human brain is only partially formed at birth, it starts with responses due to predisposition and slowly develops into patterns formed by experience, and response to experience. I personally believe that skillful handling of child character development can mitigate alot of the problems of predisposition. But I have no proof of this.

I think some people might want some of what they see of my life, but how would they like it if they had to have my head, along with my life? I wouldn't wish my head on anyone.

And yet, when I fall into envy, I tell myself that in order to have that person's life I'd have to be that person. Do I want to be that person? Go to their job, drive their car, think what they think, love what they love? No.

There is only one person who's life I think I might have wanted to have, and that is John Muir.

howtobealone, I'm just wondering, if you could build your ideal life which would make you happy, an actual realistic life, what would you build?
 
howtobealone, I'm just wondering, if you could build your ideal life which would make you happy, an actual realistic life, what would you build?

That depends on how you define realistic. :)
I'd love to have some of my health issues cleared up, insomnia, sinusitis, digestive issues. I feel like my happiness would significantly jump if those issues were resolved. But is that like saying I wish I could be 6'2"?

I guess what I'd like is for my sensitivity to be turned way down, way more than I could do with a reasonable dose of antidepressants. I know people are scared of death but I'm REALLY scared of death. I know people get nervous in social situations but I get REALLY nervous. I know people get hurt when other people neglect them but I get REALLY hurt, to the point where I often blow up the relationship. I've read about Highly Sensitive People (even small doses of caffeine affect me greatly) and I've subscribed to that label.

But since I can't realistically change anything at a molecular level, I'm moving to a new city soon and I plan on trying to make as many new friends as possible, that I won't be as likely to burden one or two close friends with all my emotional weight. I also plan on getting a roommate because it's not good for a person like me to live alone. I tend to turn my friends into my therapists and they get burned out. I know that basically other people don't want to hear about your problems, but I still steer the conversation in that direction because I think that real friends talk about these things.

What about you, Sometimes, what changes would you make?
 
What does this even mean?
If they were you, or you were them, they could not possibly be any more or less happy than you are, or vice versa. Being them would mean being them, seeing things the same way.

I think you're losing the concept of 'You' in there somewhere. What does this even mean? If someone else had your "intelligence" and your life, would they really do anything differently? What would be different about this new you? What parts would you 'keep' and what parts would 'stay'? What is 'you'?

Maybe you just meant theoretical brain-swapping, and mistakenly mentioned intelligence, but if that is true then what would really be the point in discussing this? Would someone else be happier in your body or with your money? Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure most people would be happier with more money, and the ill would probably be happier with a healthy body. Some people may also be happier switching genders, as well. What point does this really have for discussion's-sake, though? It's true that obviously no one chooses their circumstances in life. We are forced to accept who we are born as, and can only do so much, within the rules of the universe, to alter or change those things. Some can believe in a 'soul' but unlike in the movies this 'soul' is not something we can simply just swap into another body, even by extraordinary means with some ancient talisman or whatever else the media likes to concoct. Body alterations are pretty much as far as these sort of things can actually go, but that really isn't even all that far.

So while we might wonder, could we be happier? It's a question we should ask ourselves within our own reference frame, and not someone else's.
In the end this is just another way, a roundabout way, to compare yourself to everyone else. And we all know how that goes around here. It's not healthy to do this to yourself.
 
Isn't happiness or fulfillment or whatever you'd like to call it about accepting the reality of your life for what it is, though? Or am I way off the mark?
 
lifestream said:
Isn't happiness or fulfillment or whatever you'd like to call it about accepting the reality of your life for what it is, though? Or am I way off the mark?

I would say accepting the reality of the current moment of your life. Because otherwise, why strive? I do strive. I strive my ass off!

howtobealone, I think you possess great courage to shift and change the way you are saying, moving to a new city and all that. I think that's so fantastic!

I think I'm so freakin' lucky that I'd be afraid to change anything and jinx it all. If anything I'd really go back in time if I could and change that I was so scared all the time. I didn't enjoy alot of my life, being so scared.
 
Could another person be happy with my life?
I think so. I bet there are a number of slum-dwellers and people who go to bed hungry or live close to violence and death every day who would be quite happy with my life.

I'm not sure about the word "happy" though, that can be a nebulous term. It's possible to have happy moments. I'm happy when I eat chocolate. But a happy life? Meh. Who needs it? I'll take my life with all the joy, disappointments, sadness, beauty and truth that it's given me. How about a satisfying life. That's not quite the same as happy. Those people that appear to be happy are more likely feeling satisfied.

-Teresa
 
Yes on the surface I think most people think my life "should" be great. But I can't really see it that way. Well I think I am lucky to have some things in my life but it is like I see the reality of them and can't keep the rose colored glasses on. But others can.

I also identify as a highly sensitive person.

It relates to my other thread about always knowing you were going to be alone. I felt from a young age I didn't really see things like other people. I personally don't feel it is more negative but more realistic. I don't stick with people. They tend to be superficial and not want to talk. While I want to be deep and go into detail. They tend to want to come home after a long day and get drunk and forget about it.. I tend to want to spend the night complaining about it.

I don't do a lot of things because I feel they won't work, while others just blunder right on in. I think when I was younger I was more able to do that but, even then, I felt other people were irresponsible while I was merely optimistic.
 
I don't know if someone else could be happy with my life. I know that I am not.
 
I don't know if someone else could be happy in my life. I suppose it depends on how strong that someone else is and how much they can handle. But, no one else lives my life and I don't know if I would want another person living my life or even me living another person's life. I mean, yeah, other people have less problems than me and others have more problems than me, but my life is my own and I don't honestly believe I would ever give it up or pass it on to someone else. For all the ups and downs, my life is okay for the most part and no matter who is living what life, you will always have some problems. It's better to just learn to handle them well and accept what you can't change.

The expression about not judging until you've walked a mile in a person's shoes is a good one here. You don't know what people go through, so you can't know what their life is like....even if they are your best friend.
 
The Real Callie-I agree with you 100% about not judging till you have walked a mile in someone's shoes. None of us know what it is really like to be someone else, inside their head, living their life. We only see the bits of them which they present to the outside world. It doesn't stop many of us from judging though, which is sad.
 
there is nobody else. the only person living your life is you. if it were anyone else's life, it wouldn't be your own.

nice try
 
I wouldn't subject my life onto anyone else. It'd be cruel of me.

And Callie's right, no one could possibly know another person's life unless they've lived it themselves. Which is entirely impossible cos everyone is different and think differently and brought up differently under different circumstances mostly.
 
I have a feeling that if someone had my life they would do a better job than what I have been doing.
 
Many people would be happy with mine. I'm happy with mine. What has happened, has happened. I can't change the negatives and the losses. I can only change my own attitude when it comes to how I deal with them.

Despicable Me, I enjoyed your post and pondering your existential questioning. But I don't think the OP meant for it to go to that particular depth. I agree with your last statement. It is a way to compare yourself, and it certainly isn't healthy.
 
I don't know about you, but I am the only person capable of living my life. I would have to assume that the same can be said of a lot more people than you may think.
 
I think a person is a mixture between experience and genetics, so i dont think another person could live your life like you do, since they would have made other choices or reacted differently to some situations and even the smallest changes can have big impact later in your life. That is why i dont think 2 people could have the same life. If another person were put in your place they might act differently with the input you have and make it Something completly different.
In my case many people don't seem to realise that i hate myself, they see me as a weird negative person but they don't seem to understand the reasons, but to my point of view my life sucks and it is obvious, however i'am sure someone else would do great with what i have, that is a reason why i'am trying to modify who i'am actually and change my personality as well as parts of my identiy.
 
howtobealone said:
I wonder how much of happiness is genetic predisposition and how much of it is circumstances. Not to sound too negative, but I couldn't imagine having the lives of at least 75% of the people in the world (presuming I still had my negative mindset), and yet many of these people claim to be happy. I think on paper a lot of people would love to have my life, but I'd probably trade places with an average person if he claimed to be happy. I could picture a lot of people being happy if they had my looks, intelligence, life circumstances, even my physical maladies. But I've always been miserable with the life I was given. I hope one day I can enjoy this life of mine, after all, what's to say I can't adopt the mindset of happier people whose lives aren't as appealing as mine on paper?

Wow, this is a very interesting question indeed. I guess a lot of people would or could be happy with my life. Yet I am not. 
If I were to enumerate things that people would find positive and how for me are negative maybe you could tell me if you agree or if I am the one that just sees the bad thing. 

I still have my mom and my dad          My mom and I are not close at all, my dad doesnt get involved as my mom is the dominant one
we have a house                                For monetary reasons I still live with my parents, but at least I have a place to live
I had clothing                                    All my clothes were hand me downs from my older sister, and i got yelled at when I said kids made fun of me and if i could have something that was actually new and my size (sister is 8 years older)
Have no job                                     I was happier when I had a job, nobody likes their job, but still it was better than doing nothing
Have some medical conditions            Here it gets tricky, I have EDS, you might see me and see nothing wrong, i look at me and see everything that is wrong. I have some other issues with health but i believe EDS, is responsible for most. 

For me my main issue is I grew up alone, my mom would not let me touch her, talk to her, or be around her, and my dad traveled a lot and was mostly gone, all I remember wanting since I was about 8 was to sleep with someone hugging me, that is all I really want, someone to hug, but not a compromise hug or a void hug, no, someone that loves and cares about you and comes and hugs you really tight, someone that walks with you and out of the blue gives you a kiss. Love and companionship I guess is all I want. 
Funny I started cutting myself at about 5 years old, started to dream about having someone to hug at 8. Forgot, maybe someone that understands me. 

More than likely, someone who still haves their parents, lives with them, has food and clothes nothing fancy but still, would be happy even with no job, and sick. Oh and single. and a bit old. But still they could be happy, why cant I?
 

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