Hi everyone.
I'm new here & new at online forums too. So here's my story:
I turn 22 soon.I'm from South Africa, anyone else?
Anyway,I don't have friends/boyfriend & my family loves someone else in the family more than me. My mom & dad are close. My 2 older brothers are close & my sister who's the oldest is close to her bestfriend & husband so occasionally I dont have a family either.
So here's the thing, im introverted naturally but i've been so desperate to live, have experiences, hear from people that i've started talking to people, starting conversations, complementing etc.
The worst thing about me is my low self esteem and "care about what people say" attitude I have. I use public transpirt to get to places & everday something will have made me cringe because I get embarresed about almost everything. I get scared that people will judge me or are talking about me. I'm extremelly shy although im getting better.
I am a complete mess. I am just so sad & down. How could all aspects of a person's life fail all at once? How? I don't get it. I get bitter all the time but I am Christian & regain strength to carry on most times, I think this is my only survival.
I was depressed 2 years ago & now the depression is back again, I wake up some days & Im completely sad, I cry all day, sometimes for no apparent reason, I don't want to get out of bed most days.
Worst part, my family don't know anything about depression, & even if they did, they wouldnt take me seriously I know so treatment or theraphy or whatever isnt an option.
And also, I would go to places I love to meet people but I am financially unstable & this is another frustrating thing.
I write quite a lot, I think this is what most lonely people do. This helps with getting my feelings out, & I cry & I feel better.
But you know, I never feel bad for myself or atleast I try not to because i'm fighting this battle on my own & whether I win or lose, no one will know but me.
I'd like to think I'm friendly, kind & considerate. I've had people tell me this a lot. People have said good things about me. When I did have friends, all i've had have told me that I make a good friend, that I'm caring & selfless but they got successful and forgot all about me. Anyway, that doesn't make me bitter, what makes me bitter is the inability for me to make friends. Not one. Everyone I know has friends & coming to this forum I was so shocked that so many of us are going through such. But it is life, & evidently not fair.But we are so, so strong, all of us. Going through such heart ache and still striving, give yourself a pat on the back.
I hope to hear from you, anyone.
So happy to be here & vented so much. It's my first time opening up.
Keep well.
I'm new here & new at online forums too. So here's my story:
I turn 22 soon.I'm from South Africa, anyone else?
Anyway,I don't have friends/boyfriend & my family loves someone else in the family more than me. My mom & dad are close. My 2 older brothers are close & my sister who's the oldest is close to her bestfriend & husband so occasionally I dont have a family either.
So here's the thing, im introverted naturally but i've been so desperate to live, have experiences, hear from people that i've started talking to people, starting conversations, complementing etc.
The worst thing about me is my low self esteem and "care about what people say" attitude I have. I use public transpirt to get to places & everday something will have made me cringe because I get embarresed about almost everything. I get scared that people will judge me or are talking about me. I'm extremelly shy although im getting better.
I am a complete mess. I am just so sad & down. How could all aspects of a person's life fail all at once? How? I don't get it. I get bitter all the time but I am Christian & regain strength to carry on most times, I think this is my only survival.
I was depressed 2 years ago & now the depression is back again, I wake up some days & Im completely sad, I cry all day, sometimes for no apparent reason, I don't want to get out of bed most days.
Worst part, my family don't know anything about depression, & even if they did, they wouldnt take me seriously I know so treatment or theraphy or whatever isnt an option.
And also, I would go to places I love to meet people but I am financially unstable & this is another frustrating thing.
I write quite a lot, I think this is what most lonely people do. This helps with getting my feelings out, & I cry & I feel better.
But you know, I never feel bad for myself or atleast I try not to because i'm fighting this battle on my own & whether I win or lose, no one will know but me.
I'd like to think I'm friendly, kind & considerate. I've had people tell me this a lot. People have said good things about me. When I did have friends, all i've had have told me that I make a good friend, that I'm caring & selfless but they got successful and forgot all about me. Anyway, that doesn't make me bitter, what makes me bitter is the inability for me to make friends. Not one. Everyone I know has friends & coming to this forum I was so shocked that so many of us are going through such. But it is life, & evidently not fair.But we are so, so strong, all of us. Going through such heart ache and still striving, give yourself a pat on the back.
I hope to hear from you, anyone.
So happy to be here & vented so much. It's my first time opening up.Keep well.
