I think I'll never have my own family

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hppnssseeker

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Hi. I'm a pretty 35-yr-old woman. I've never been lucky in love but my friends don't get it, they think just because of my looks I can have any guy I want. Unfortunately I haven't been in love in a really long time and I feel terribly lonely. The problem is that I can't find someone who's compatible with me and the more men I meet the more I'm convinced I never will. I'm honest, I have strong moral values, I try to respect people and be a good person and as a result I feel like an alien because I realize most people aren't like me. They lie and cheat and don't care about anything except getting what they want. I just got disappointed one more time. I met a guy online who seemed very promising but I just found out that he's been feeding me nothing but lies. Honestly I'm so disgusted and so tired of getting my hopes crashed time after time that I feel like giving up, but I'm not ready to give up on the idea of becoming a mother. When I was younger I always thought that as an adult I would have a loving husband and kids and I'm terribly sad to realize that I'm running out of time and that might not happen for me. I feel it's such a waste because I have so much love to give and I know I could be a really good wife and mother. There’s also the fact that all my friends are in a relationship and they make it seem easy to find the right person, so I wonder if there's something wrong with me since I can't.
I already lost my mother and my father isn't getting any younger, I worry about what I'll do when he passes too, then I'll truly be alone with no family.
 
I've been truly alone for years and have just learned to live with it. My parents passed 20 years ago, and I have no siblings. My will distributes my (significant) assets between various animal rescue groups since I have no one to leave anything to. It was embarassing asking HR how to designate my beneficiary to be a charity. :(
 
hppnssseeker said:
then I'll truly be alone with no family.

Welcome to the party pal. As a member of the club, I think I feel it isn't that bad. I haven't tackled my beneficiary forms yet but at least I do have a nephew that is getting all my stuff. Gosh what has happened to society. I don't want to be negative but when I was your age I was the same way and so many of my friends are (who are younger than me). None got married.

I plan on getting long term care insurance and accepting living in the old age home.
 
hppnssseeker said:
Hi. I'm a pretty 35-yr-old woman. I've never been lucky in love but my friends don't get it, they think just because of my looks I can have any guy I want. Unfortunately I haven't been in love in a really long time and I feel terribly lonely. The problem is that I can't find someone who's compatible with me and the more men I meet the more I'm convinced I never will. I'm honest, I have strong moral values, I try to respect people and be a good person and as a result I feel like an alien because I realize most people aren't like me. They lie and cheat and don't care about anything except getting what they want. I just got disappointed one more time. I met a guy online who seemed very promising but I just found out that he's been feeding me nothing but lies. Honestly I'm so disgusted and so tired of getting my hopes crashed time after time that I feel like giving up, but I'm not ready to give up on the idea of becoming a mother. When I was younger I always thought that as an adult I would have a loving husband and kids and I'm terribly sad to realize that I'm running out of time and that might not happen for me. I feel it's such a waste because I have so much love to give and I know I could be a really good wife and mother. There’s also the fact that all my friends are in a relationship and they make it seem easy to find the right person, so I wonder if there's something wrong with me since I can't.
I already lost my mother and my father isn't getting any younger, I worry about what I'll do when he passes too, then I'll truly be alone with no family.

Your post just made me feel like you're speaking for how I used to think before I've changed. I used to think the exact same things (except for the pretty part, I.. don't think that way about myself) and have always wanted to have a family, be a wife and bring up good children. I love kids, I still do so it was something that I felt would've made my life complete.

But hey, I hear ya. The disappointments, the lies and deceit and cheating and everything along those lines... I know. It's partially why I've changed and I don't see my future the same way and I don't yearn for the same things anymore. It's sad, but that's life, as we know it now, eh.

LonelyInAtl said:
It was embarassing asking HR how to designate my beneficiary to be a charity. :(

I personally don't think or see that as an embarrassment. If anything, it would humble me to know that people still do give a honeysuckle about others in need and that you bothered to even consider these organisations. So, thank you for even considering them.
 
Hiya hppnssseeker, I saw the title of your post and I feel for you. I'm 38 and by now I would have thought I would be a husband and a father, instead I've got two failed marriages. So I can understand the finding someone who's compatible part too. Please don't give up just yet, my mum had me when she was in her early 40's. You could still have time for your family. There are good men out there, it's just unfortunate you have to sift through the rubbish to find the gold nugget. My friends have been telling me that miss right will come along, some days I think so, other days I have to make a effort with positive thinking. I don't plan on giving up just yet, looking back it's my experience that life throws random things at us, bad things yes but also good things too. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

My heart goes out to everyone on here who feels they have to give up on their dreams of family, marriage, relationship. I use to think I was the only one. I find that loneliness had a way of making me feel like I alone was going through this and everyone else's life was made and happy. I've only been here a very short time but I see a lot of people here who deserve a lot more that what they got out of life. Don't give up, where there's life there's hope.
 
The one advantage to being alone? I can travel on a whim, can make outrageous purchases with no feedback from anyone, and can live my life so that in the end I'm sliding into my grave head first, tattered, town, and thoroughly used up yelling "Wow, what a ride".
 
To Gamerball77, I'm really sorry about your situation too and thank you for being so encouraging. I'm not ready to give up yet but I feel so frustrated and disappointed! As a man at 38 you still have a lot of time to become a father, but as a woman I know that at my age the chances of getting pregnant start decreasing and by age 40 I might have trouble conceiving. I've seen it happen to some of my friends, who even went through IVF and still couldn't get pregnant. I'm not the kind of person who could meet a guy and decide to make a baby after a few months of knowing him, it would take at least a few years to make sure we were solid enough for a baby, so that's why I don't think it's going to happen. I wouldn't mind being alone so much if it wasn't for the whole baby thing.
To LonelyInAtl, you're absolutely right, at least I can make my own choices and do whatever I please, but as a person who has traveled alone her whole life, I find it can be frustrating too. Besides getting "punished" for being single by having to pay extra for everything, as a woman alone you have to be super careful and sometimes I get lonely. That's why lately I've been going on organized tours and such, at least I can meet people and have someone to talk to.
 
Hay Hppnssseeker, I hear what your saying, I do admire your wisdom for not wanting to rush into having a baby and to make sure the relationship was strong enough. Unfortunately I'm unsure if I can have children, I had cancer when I was a child. I had a tumor in my right butt cheek (pardon my use of words lol). that whole area was blasted with radiotherapy. I'm alive and well but I'm on medication to help my bladder work properly because of side effects (I call it mutation, it sounds cooler). So I can only guess in having children. I have tried in both marriages and nothing. I'm sort of making my peace with it, I was a stepdad in my last marriage so I can do it again should the opportunity arise.

I know it looks like time is running out (and me sounding like a broken record) but don't give up till the last second has gone, until then it's still a possibility. I hope the right guy for you hurry himself up and walks into your life soon. :)
 
I'm so sorry about that!!! And no, I'm not going to give up. I'm usually good at looking at the bright side of things but with the latest disappointment I've been feeling a bit down.
 
Yeah a few years back I had a series of disappointments with relationships (before the second marriage). It dose wear you down emotionally. When I was a kid I use to think dating was all fun and excitement. Then I found out it's all nerves, stress and hard work.
 
I think you've been meeting the wrong people. Although you can't expect everything to be perfect in any human.

I'd try changing your arena for meeting people. And remember, be pushy yourself. In my experience, the "naturally pushy" people are the least reliable. (Though they have some good sides too)

Good luck. 35 is somewhat late, but not too late the way I see it.
 
I'd say don't give up, just take a break when you need it! As for other people's relationships, I'm sure they have their problems -- they just might not be telling you. And I'm sure you could have a relationship with someone if you wanted to, but you're looking for the right person to have one with and that's always hard to find.

I'm a lot like you. The last guy I had chemistry with was at times hot and cold. I really cared for him, but he was really distrustful with women and my instinct was telling me I should be treated better.

As for having children, remember adoption is always an option. I'm worried about the biological clock too, but don't settle into a relationship just so you can have children on time.
 

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