Need help with talking to strangers

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I have a difficult time making conversation with strangers...be it cashiers, a person at the bus stop or someone sat next to me. I am just incredibly shy. It's more difficult when I'm with my parents as I let them take over. What can I do about feeling so self-conscious and shy? I also think I have a 'resting ***** face' which I want to do something about.

Thanks! :club:
 
My advice is that you practice taking an interest in them, and forget about yourself, in order to initiate the conversation. If you can be curious about someone else, and ask them some not-too-deep question, you can let them move the conversation and you can be more passive. As you gain more experience with being a focus of attention in a one-on-one conversation, you can start to participate more. And if someone doesn't respond to your attempts to initiate, it will be because of themselves and not because of you.

As regards the "resting ***** face" - I've often thought that it is very unfortunate that our faces often don't tell anything true about ourselves to people around us. I have a hard angular face, but I wish I had a soft friendly one. I'll be interested it what anyone else advises about this.
 
Start slowly by smiling and saying thank you when the cashier hands you your goods. Maybe remark briefly on the weather.
At the bus stop you could ask someone what time the bus is due or has the number ..... gone yet. A remark about the weather would be useful here as well. (I live in the UK so comments about the weather are useful ice breakers here.)
With someone sitting next to you, it will depend on the situation.
Anything you say doesn't have to be serious or particularly interesting. Start small and see how it goes. And try not to stress about it.
The other day at the supermarket I was standing next to a lady in a very slow queue at the checkout and she remarked that we would be there till night time. I said we might well be there till Christmas and we both had a laugh.
 
pancakes_online said:
I have a difficult time making conversation with strangers...be it cashiers, a person at the bus stop or someone sat next to me. I am just incredibly shy. It's more difficult when I'm with my parents as I let them take over. What can I do about feeling so self-conscious and shy? I also think I have a 'resting ***** face' which I want to do something about.

Thanks! :club:

In the shops with the best customer service, the cashiers are told to be polite to customers. You can talk about anything and the cashier will listen and chat back. I always do this. Some people need a chat, or talk about a problem or want to talk about a sporting event. It's part of my job.
 
Triple Bogey said:
pancakes_online said:
I have a difficult time making conversation with strangers...be it cashiers, a person at the bus stop or someone sat next to me. I am just incredibly shy. It's more difficult when I'm with my parents as I let them take over. What can I do about feeling so self-conscious and shy? I also think I have a 'resting ***** face' which I want to do something about.

Thanks! :club:

In the shops with the best customer service, the cashiers are told to be polite to customers. You can talk about anything and the cashier will listen and chat back. I always do this. Some people need a chat, or talk about a problem or want to talk about a sporting event. It's part of my job.
Absolutely. Give it a go. :)
 
^ Cashiers are the easiest people to practice on, IMO. I always have lovely chats with cashiers.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
^ Cashiers are the easiest people to practice on, IMO. I always have lovely chats with cashiers.

I must be going to the wrong stores. :)
 
^ these are all fine examples. I personally would struggle instigating a conversation with people at a bus stop (even if it was an innocent question) but talking to people in shops is an ideal scenario, especially as in chain stores they have mystery shoppers who grade staff on their politeness so they will be extra receptive to conversation.

I'd personally go to huge shop like a DIY store or a supermarket and look for someone who maybe looks a little unusual - dyed/unusual hair is a good one. Then ask them where an item might be. If they smile and offer to show you, accept with a smile and for those few minutes, you have a friend. Then say "Hope you don't mind me saying but I love your hair/tattoo/top" etc. Shop staff are usually treated like utter crap by customers so to have a nice, friendly person who pays them a compliment will make their day. Do this regularly and you will find your confidence improve.

It won't work all the time though, so don't be downheartened if someone gives you a curt reply or doesn't want to engage in conversation - they might be ill or tired.

Finally don't worry about having a "***** resting face" because a "forced smile face" is a million times worse.
 
I just went to a store an hour or so ago and the cashier was very nice to me. I think maybe we even had a connection going and I might go back there soon. I brought all my stuff to be checked out and then after it was all totaled up she looked at me and said "$17.84 please."

Now if that is not an invitation to continue the conversation I don't know what is. :)
 
BeyondShy said:
I just went to a store an hour or so ago and the cashier was very nice to me. I think maybe we even had a connection going and I might go back there soon. I brought all my stuff to be checked out and then after it was all totaled up she looked at me and said "$17.84 please."

Now if that is not an invitation to continue the conversation I don't know what is. :)

How about asking the cashier "how are you?" or commenting on the weather? Or even talking about what you are doing with your purchase? There are many possibilities for conversation, you may be surprised with the results.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
How about asking the cashier "how are you?" or commenting on the weather? Or even talking about what you are doing with your purchase? There are many possibilities for conversation, you may be surprised with the results.

Great, now you tell me. :)

Sorry Amy for my poor excuse at humor here. Truthfully I didn't think of it because she was stunning and someone like that wouldn't have an interest in me. Everything you said made sense. I actually write down some of the good advice I get on here and I will write this one down but to be honest writing it down and actually going out and doing it are two different things with me and that bothers me.
 
BeyondShy said:
AmytheTemperamental said:
How about asking the cashier "how are you?" or commenting on the weather? Or even talking about what you are doing with your purchase? There are many possibilities for conversation, you may be surprised with the results.

Great, now you tell me. :)

Sorry Amy for my poor excuse at humor here. Truthfully I didn't think of it because she was stunning and someone like that wouldn't have an interest in me. Everything you said made sense. I actually write down some of the good advice I get on here and I will write this one down but to be honest writing it down and actually going out and doing it are two different things with me and that bothers me.

Well, but it's not about her being interested in you, it's about her being interested in communicating. That's a good way to start, don't worry yet about anything deeper.
 
I'm convinced serious shyness and social anxiety have their roots in holding oneself to higher expectations than others with a bigger perception of the fall if they can't. To say things that are not stupid, be liked, etc, or else they can never show their face again even where others can lest people recognize the embarrassing moment. In the end they rarely stand out either way and are probably the least obnoxious thing in anyone's day.

People talk to me about the most random things in public. Is that headset a Bluetooth device? How do I put pictures on Facebook? Do you study here? Are you done with classes yet?
 
Tealeaf said:
I'm convinced serious shyness and social anxiety have their roots in holding oneself to higher expectations than others with a bigger perception of the fall if they can't. To say things that are not stupid, be liked, etc, or else they can never show their face again even where others can lest people recognize the embarrassing moment. In the end they rarely stand out either way and are probably the least obnoxious thing in anyone's day.

Maybe you are right but that doesn't make it easier.
 
BeyondShy said:
Tealeaf said:
I'm convinced serious shyness and social anxiety have their roots in holding oneself to higher expectations than others with a bigger perception of the fall if they can't. To say things that are not stupid, be liked, etc, or else they can never show their face again even where others can lest people recognize the embarrassing moment. In the end they rarely stand out either way and are probably the least obnoxious thing in anyone's day.

Maybe you are right but that doesn't make it easier.

No, but I think it's easier to fix a problem if it's seen for what it is--especially in individual cases. All the positive talk in the world did nothing for the anxiety that prevented me from so much as speaking up in a class when I needed help.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
^ Cashiers are the easiest people to practice on, IMO. I always have lovely chats with cashiers.

That's a great idea. There are 2 supermarkets that I like to shop at and I'm sure their staff is told to make eye contact with customers and say something friendly like "do you have any fun plans for the weekend" because it happens every time I go in. Usually I don't feel like making a conversation but I always feel good about having a small if fleeting connection with someone.

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
AmytheTemperamental said:
^ Cashiers are the easiest people to practice on, IMO. I always have lovely chats with cashiers.

That's a great idea. There are 2 supermarkets that I like to shop at and I'm sure their staff is told to make eye contact with customers and say something friendly like "do you have any fun plans for the weekend" because it happens every time I go in. Usually I don't feel like making a conversation but I always feel good about having a small if fleeting connection with someone.

-Teresa

We are told to chat with customers. We have notices and memo's all over our canteen wall. Make the customer feel special etc.
 
I think I'm going to need this thread too... Not fun to have that resting ***** face what makes people think I'm pissed off, LOL.

tumblr_n28t957kdx1tps6uqo1_5002.jpg


About the topic though, people love to talk about weather and such, if they don't know what else to talk about.
 
I'm now trying to meet and talk to new people by going to events although I haven't really had a chance yet to talk to new people yet at events i went.
It's hard being alone trying to start a conversation with someone while most of other people are in a group :-/
 
blazemaster26 said:
I'm now trying to meet and talk to new people by going to events although I haven't really had a chance yet to talk to new people yet at events i went.
It's hard being alone trying to start a conversation with someone while most of other people are in a group :-/

I would find that really hard too. And also, I find it embarrassing to stand alongside a group of other people who are already conversing, trying to join in and not really succeeding. I wonder that people don't notice and welcome a person into a group with a little token, like a glance and moving aside a little, to include. I will try to do that if I ever have opportunity.

I find the cashier more approachable, as I have his/her attention anyway. 'You ever tried this? Is it good?'
 

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