Is online dating really that difficult for average guys?

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DaleEvans89

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I keep reading that "fact" on a ton of boards frequented by sexually-frustrated dudes. The refrain goes something like this: " horny dudes VASTLY outnumbers babes on dating sites like POF and OKCupid, to the ratio of 3:1, which means that women have A TON of options on these sites, which means that EVEN average women are going to be swamped with messages from a wide variety of guys, which means that you get a situation where a ton of average to below-average guys are competing with the hunks for the same small group of women. Furthermore, 99% of people on sites like POF and Tinder just go by the pics somebody has posted, so if you don't look hot in your pics, you aren't going to get the time of day from any individual woman who is already receiving a ton of messages/invites from other guys."

^^^I have never been on a dating site with a real pic, but is THAT true? For any of the guys here, has it been your experience that guys vastly outnumber women on dating sites, thereby making it exceedingly difficult for an average guy to get a date off of POF or OkCupid? I would appreciate your input. Thanks.
 
Absolutely true. I used my real pic in a profile, and then created another profile that was EXACTLY the same except with a friend's pic (with his permission).

Me? 0 messages/responses
Him? 10 messages/responses in one day.
 
I got an new phone and decided to give out of interest Tinder a try. Few of my friends have used it and gotten dates out of it. I didn't expect much, maybe few people would be into me. I "liked" everyone basicly who seemed nice enough and I wasn't overly picky about their looks. Basicly the idea was if that person would ask me out/be into me would I say yes for a date was the principle.

The result has been very disappointing. After liking so many women, I have gotten zero matches. Right now I'm contemplating just uninstalling the **** thing, because it kinda makes me feel like honeysuckle. I know I'm definietly not the most attractive guy out there, but I know I'm better than this. Real world where you could show your personality/charm aswell would seem to be the better way to find someone as far as my experiences go.
 
LonelyInAtl said:
Absolutely true. I used my real pic in a profile, and then created another profile that was EXACTLY the same except with a friend's pic (with his permission).

Me? 0 messages/responses
Him? 10 messages/responses in one day.

Typical really. Best to avoid places like that !
 
Frostburn said:
I got an new phone and decided to give out of interest Tinder a try. Few of my friends have used it and gotten dates out of it. I didn't expect much, maybe few people would be into me. I "liked" everyone basicly who seemed nice enough and I wasn't overly picky about their looks. Basicly the idea was if that person would ask me out/be into me would I say yes for a date was the principle.

The result has been very disappointing. After liking so many women, I have gotten zero matches. Right now I'm contemplating just uninstalling the **** thing, because it kinda makes me feel like honeysuckle. I know I'm definietly not the most attractive guy out there, but I know I'm better than this. Real world where you could show your personality/charm aswell would seem to be the better way to find someone as far as my experiences go.
I thought tinder was a casual sex app? Not the best place to find a date really but then again everything I've heard about dating sites has been awful. I'm going to steer clear of dating sites and hope by some miracle that some woman finds me attractive... yep, I'm going to be alone forever
 
Skid Row 89 said:
I thought tinder was a casual sex app? Not the best place to find a date really but then again everything I've heard about dating sites has been awful. I'm going to steer clear of dating sites and hope by some miracle that some woman finds me attractive... yep, I'm going to be alone forever

Get in line and join the club. :(
 
Skid Row 89 said:
Frostburn said:
I got an new phone and decided to give out of interest Tinder a try. Few of my friends have used it and gotten dates out of it. I didn't expect much, maybe few people would be into me. I "liked" everyone basicly who seemed nice enough and I wasn't overly picky about their looks. Basicly the idea was if that person would ask me out/be into me would I say yes for a date was the principle.

The result has been very disappointing. After liking so many women, I have gotten zero matches. Right now I'm contemplating just uninstalling the **** thing, because it kinda makes me feel like honeysuckle. I know I'm definietly not the most attractive guy out there, but I know I'm better than this. Real world where you could show your personality/charm aswell would seem to be the better way to find someone as far as my experiences go.
I thought tinder was a casual sex app? Not the best place to find a date really but then again everything I've heard about dating sites has been awful. I'm going to steer clear of dating sites and hope by some miracle that some woman finds me attractive... yep, I'm going to be alone forever

You never know what's round the corner but yes stay clear of those dating sites !
 
Skid Row 89 said:
I thought tinder was a casual sex app? Not the best place to find a date really but then again everything I've heard about dating sites has been awful. I'm going to steer clear of dating sites and hope by some miracle that some woman finds me attractive... yep, I'm going to be alone forever

It has reputation being that, but there are plenty of people using it for just a way to find dates. Atleast I highly doubt there would be this many people just looking for a booty call. Some people have stated in their profile they want more than just casual sex.
 
If you're an "attractive average guy" who isn't overweight then you will be just fine. Most if not all women on those dating sites are shallow and that's all they want. The whole "what's on the inside that counts" line is bullshit.
 
Tiina63 said:
Online dating is difficult for the average woman as well.

Yeh I don't get any responses at all and my photos are great. I also created a fake profile and put complete fake photos up of a model. I got a few "player" types but not much more than my other one.

I have PMed a few and they typically don't respond.
 
brian36 said:
It's a waste of time. It would be much easier to meet someone in the real world.

Not when you can't go up to a woman because you have no idea how to start a conversation or what do say.

Or when you've had so many rejections you just figure that it's not worth looking like an idiot because she'd blow you off anyway.
 
Jafo said:
If you're an "attractive average guy" who isn't overweight then you will be just fine. Most if not all women on those dating sites are shallow and that's all they want. The whole "what's on the inside that counts" line is bullshit.

If you don't have the good looks like movie actors or models they will crush your spirit.


LonelyInAtl said:
Or when you've had so many rejections you just figure that it's not worth looking like an idiot because she'd blow you off anyway.

I know. And it is hard to describe how discouraging that is.

DaleEvans89 said:

How is that funny?
 
I found little reward in online dating. I've used my best photos in the past and just tried being myself over exaggerating on my profile. For the dozens of times I tried, I actually got two dates. The first lady, I met of an online site was pretty cool. We went on a few dates and even connected well in some areas. However, she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship with her abusive boyfriend and was just starting to get her life back together. She had to work a lot plus, reconnect with her family, so after the first three dates, we both moved on. It was shame too because, she was a great kisser.

The second lady, I met was on Okcupid, and we ended up going on a date and hooking up later on. I didnt want things going down that route but, it just happened. I realized that, while, some people claim they are "looking for a relationship", they really just want sex.

Now, even though it may happen every two to three years, sometimes I do get approached by women. I've gotten more dates by, being indifferent or just being myself in the situation than, I have meeting ladies over the internet. Its harder with women, Im attracted to because, I get anxious and finding myself trying to please them. However, one time a lady came on to me and I already felt there was no chance in hell with her, so I just remained indifferent. Perhaps, she liked the fact there was an "Average guy" who wasent falling for her so easily. We went on a date but, it never went past that.

So, I'd lean towards meeting someone in real life than online. The only real issue I come across in real life, is I always meet women that, are already in long term relationships. I'm not sure if, its because, I live in small county or what not.
 
Blueforge88 said:
I found little reward in online dating. I've used my best photos in the past and just tried being myself over exaggerating on my profile. For the dozens of times I tried, I actually got two dates. The first lady, I met of an online site was pretty cool. We went on a few dates and even connected well in some areas. However, she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship with her abusive boyfriend and was just starting to get her life back together. She had to work a lot plus, reconnect with her family, so after the first three dates, we both moved on. It was shame too because, she was a great kisser.

The second lady, I met was on Okcupid, and we ended up going on a date and hooking up later on. I didnt want things going down that route but, it just happened. I realized that, while, some people claim they are "looking for a relationship", they really just want sex.

Now, even though it may happen every two to three years, sometimes I do get approached by women. I've gotten more dates by, being indifferent or just being myself in the situation than, I have meeting ladies over the internet. Its harder with women, Im attracted to because, I get anxious and finding myself trying to please them. However, one time a lady came on to me and I already felt there was no chance in hell with her, so I just remained indifferent. Perhaps, she liked the fact there was an "Average guy" who wasent falling for her so easily. We went on a date but, it never went past that.

So, I'd lean towards meeting someone in real life than online. The only real issue I come across in real life, is I always meet women that, are already in long term relationships. I'm not sure if, its because, I live in small county or what not.

acting indifferent is an interesting idea.

I have tried everything. Women don't ever approach me.
The only women I talk to is at work when they come to my till to get served. Basically they don't have much choice, they need to pay for their stuff and I am on the till. I think that's why I enjoy it. I get to chat with women, who in other circumstances wouldn't bother to talk to me.

We do have self scans tills though and I have noticed younger women, when they have a choice between me and a self scan, they mostly choose the self scans. It's quite interesting, when they isn't a queue and I am stood there and they approach and in that split second, they choose the self scans till rather than interact with me.

On the plus side, the guys who want to talk about football come to my till and the little old ladies who want a chat. So it isn't all bad !
 
Triple Bogey said:
Blueforge88 said:
I found little reward in online dating. I've used my best photos in the past and just tried being myself over exaggerating on my profile. For the dozens of times I tried, I actually got two dates. The first lady, I met of an online site was pretty cool. We went on a few dates and even connected well in some areas. However, she had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship with her abusive boyfriend and was just starting to get her life back together. She had to work a lot plus, reconnect with her family, so after the first three dates, we both moved on. It was shame too because, she was a great kisser.

The second lady, I met was on Okcupid, and we ended up going on a date and hooking up later on. I didnt want things going down that route but, it just happened. I realized that, while, some people claim they are "looking for a relationship", they really just want sex.

Now, even though it may happen every two to three years, sometimes I do get approached by women. I've gotten more dates by, being indifferent or just being myself in the situation than, I have meeting ladies over the internet. Its harder with women, Im attracted to because, I get anxious and finding myself trying to please them. However, one time a lady came on to me and I already felt there was no chance in hell with her, so I just remained indifferent. Perhaps, she liked the fact there was an "Average guy" who wasent falling for her so easily. We went on a date but, it never went past that.

So, I'd lean towards meeting someone in real life than online. The only real issue I come across in real life, is I always meet women that, are already in long term relationships. I'm not sure if, its because, I live in small county or what not.

acting indifferent is an interesting idea.

I have tried everything. Women don't ever approach me.
The only women I talk to is at work when they come to my till to get served. Basically they don't have much choice, they need to pay for their stuff and I am on the till. I think that's why I enjoy it. I get to chat with women, who in other circumstances wouldn't bother to talk to me.

We do have self scans tills though and I have noticed younger women, when they have a choice between me and a self scan, they mostly choose the self scans. It's quite interesting, when they isn't a queue and I am stood there and they approach and in that split second, they choose the self scans till rather than interact with me.

On the plus side, the guys who want to talk about football come to my till and the little old ladies who want a chat. So it isn't all bad !

I can relate to your situation. I worked at a grocery store and all sorts of women came in day in and day out. It was Japanese grocery store so, some of customers didnt speak english but, luckily for me I took a course in high school and that impressed alot of my customers, Americans and Japanese. More often than not I got overlooked by the "attractive" people regardless of what I spoke and who I was talking to. Alot of my favorite customers, where older people or customers who want to language exchange. I think at the most I got maybe three dates from working there, one lady even paid for the meal while, i went to use the restroom. I got back with my card and she was like "TOO LATE :p"

One day, this girl I was really sweet on came into store. It was love at first site and I didnt care if I was gonna fail or not, I was going to talk to that woman! She came back more often than, and we even went all sorts of places together. I still care for her alot, but, we will never be anything more than friends.

I think its when, I "tried" i failed but, when I made the attempt to get to know people outside of "liking" them I succeeded. So, wouldnt say its "acting" more so, just trying to get to know someone. As for the lady, I met in a previous post, she iniated almost every thing and slowly I grew comfortable with the fact, that I was on a date with a really attractive lady.

Don't give up, even when you think you have no chance, you have to remember that, for however, well your intentions are, nothing is promised and so, you have to keep going. People are not entitled to treat you fair even though, you've treated them fairly. Hope that helps.
 
I always like the bullshit lines women give. Here are my personal favorites.
"Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you" Except the woman you are interested in of course.
"You're a really nice guy"
"You're just a cuddly teddy bear" She's telling you you're fat and have no chance in hell.
Don't women know that most men these days know what these lines mean? I would always call them out on hit. I hope it made them feel like honeysuckle and made them see the shallow person they really are. Just be honest, it won't hurt. Guys like me appreciate brutal honesty.
 

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