Where to Start (Long)

I’m not sure where to start, or how to start, or even if this will be read or responded to but, I feel I need to write about this.

Life has been difficult for me lately, not only because of my grandfather passing but for other reasons as well.

As most people know, I recently graduated from college a year or so ago. Since then, I went to graduate school for a while, and that didn’t work out. Destroyed my sense of confidence in myself.

Lately things have not been good.

1) Currently I am on a bad health insurance, courtesy of my father. It doesn’t pay for my prescription food that I need to live. I am prescribed food because I have a feeding tube you see. So, my father orders food at half price through a medical website. Asking him to send food though feels like begging, and any attempts at trying to persuade him to put me on a better plan have been met with resistance and anger. He is required via court to provide me health insurance but the court said nothing about the quality of the health insurance he must provide.

Been watching the medical bills mount up, and my credit become destroyed for some time now because my father didn’t care.

Looking at the bills, makes me hopeless that I can ever be independent and live a life that is self-sustaining. It makes me not want to live at all. 1k for food a month, 80 dollars for a doc appointment…thousands here, and there….every month.

At least the bills are getting sent to my father now instead of me, so it’s his credit rating at risk.

2) I do not own a car so I have to stay at home most of the time while mom goes and does her thing wherever. It’s difficult because I wish I had one so that I could go get a job. I am feeling unfulfilled at the moment.

Trying to save money for one, but I can’t have money if I am to go back to being on SSI, and having medical benefits through that. I need the extra benefits right now.

3) After my grandfather’s death my mother has been emotionally unavailable. Attempts to talk with her about how I feel about my Papou dying have been met with “I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.” Or…her not paying attention to what I am saying at all, looking at her phone, and forcing me to repeat myself 5 or 6 times because she’s not listening. It doesn’t even have to be about my grandfather, any sort of conversation is like this. Yesterday’s attempt at talking to her left me feeling degraded and tearful. It’s not like I have anyone else to talk to in real life right now.

4) Possible home foreclosure. While I was at my grandparent’s house, I stepped up and told my grandmother about the situation we were having. With the mortgage being over 5k a month, we’ve been struggling to try and keep the house. She gave us some money, but it’ll only last a few months.
Mom still refuses to put the house on the market and becomes angry at me whenever I ask her to call the realtor. I put money into the mortgage to try and help my mother. Money I should have kept for myself, used on a car, or saved for medical expenses.

My grandmother, in exchange for the money, has forbade me and mom to speak up against her. So basically, it feels as if rope has been tied around my wrists and I am at my father’s house now when I visit her.

All of this has been making me feel…well…be very hopeless about my future being bright. It feels like all my cousins and even my brother have bright futures, but mine has been drug down into the mud, stalled, and frozen for an indefinite period of time.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to help my mother, but being met with resistance isn’t good. Her drinking has gone up since her father’s death, I cannot talk to her…I cannot stop her drinking...

I’ve been considering that maybe I should just not exist if I have no viable future.


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5k mortage? That sounds like way too much. I agree with you that you and your mother should look into selling it. Just a shame she's resisting.

Could you convince your mother to go to some kind of grief counselling? That might be a good first step.

Are YOU able to go to a support group? If there is one, you might be able to get a ride to it by some volunteer service. It would get you out, and around others. A grief support group might be good, for finding people who are of different sorts coming together.

Hi I am so sorry you are feeling like this, and what you are going through. You are bound to feel like that with everything going on. Please don t knock yourself for leaving Graduate school, it just isn't right for you, you should feel proud you made the right decision instead of being miserable, if you really want it, i t can be done again, sometimes there is a way you haven't seen yet. Some of this sounds like a vicious circle, so what can be done to break it? Just a few questions/thoughts, I am so tired so forgive me my mistakes.

1. Is there anyway (free) you could take your Dad back to court to make him provide better insurance. Even like a civil case or Judge Judy lol jk.
2. Sounds like your Mum is depressed as well. I know from other posts you can both clash, but maybe that's because you see a lot of each other with your arrangements. Is it worth mentioning her going to see Dr, if she starts counselling she might address her drinking.
2a. Be kind to yourself and your Mum however hard it is. She has lost her Dad and from what you wrote about him, he sounded a very fine man. I know I would be utterly devastated at losing mine and feel like a lost child myself again. She also has to deal with her Mother too. This and her depression might be why she is not dealing with things like the house. If she is depressed that is a common thing to do.
3. Someone suggested grief counselling for you both, sounds excellent.
4. Are there any charities for what is causing you to need to feeding tube, because they might be able help on multiple levels.
5. When you are looking at bills etc is there anything you could put to the current insurance to upgrade?
6. Maybe accepting ssi (sorry not sure what is as from UK) if it offers extra benefits for your health, which I know can be rough accepting help this way, but might be good thing for now.
7. Is there anyway you can take over the house business? If you are upto it, she might be relieved at someone else taking the burden and might make you feel great at sorting the situation out. If she hasn't spoken to the bank/mortgage company already please urge her, they might be more help than what's known.
8. Just wondered about work for you? If there was a job that provided a decent health insurance you could be self sufficient and not need to rely on your Dad to sort those bills out. I have no idea of your health situation so no idea if this is an option at all.
9. Also what about writing to the powers that be? Would that be a Senator or a Govenor and explaining they might know of other avenues for you and your family.

I know it is so hard watching other people getting on with their lives while you feel stuck. I have been their honestly for about 5 years nothing I could do, but looking back I wish I had used that time now to look after myself and prepare for a time when opportunities arose and able to grasp whole heartedly.

You should very much exist, you have a wonderful way with people here in the forum and an excellent contributor here. Please don't think there is no viable way, there will be. I am here if you need to talk.

Lastly I am so sorry if this has come across in any way offensive or belittling in was not my intention. I just needed to offer help in anyway I can think.

Good luck, keep us informed please.