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Minty

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Sep 9, 2014
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Malta
Okay, so I did it. I joined a dating site. I wrote out a whole profile and I got loads of responses but they were all 'Hi' and that's it or a 'flower' from the site saying something really cliched like 'I'd like to get to know you better'...yeah, and? I did respond to a couple of them after reading their profiles but had no response.

I looked up guys and messaged those that were interesting to me and got no response and in the end I posted on their forum. I said, why do guys only ever say 'hi'. Why don't they read my profile and think 'hey, that girl is just like me!, I'd love to talk to her!' Or 'hey, I play Wow too! What realm are you?; But, no! All I got was abuse!

I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)

Really? Seemed ironic to me that I was called a loser for being on a site that other people were on!

I'm not affected about what they said to me because I am a confident person so it washed off but I think, flippin heck! Can't meet a fella in real life, can't meet one online! I guess it's me and Foxy forever....
 
This is why I quit with the online dating when I was single. I would completely read a guy's profile, and send a message related to something I saw on there, and get nothing. Then I would get overwhelmed by the "hi"s. What was I suppose to say? I would just say hi back, and then get something rude or disgusting.
 
Nicolelt said:
This is why I quit with the online dating when I was single. I would completely read a guy's profile, and send a message related to something I saw on there, and get nothing. Then I would get overwhelmed by the "hi"s. What was I suppose to say? I would just say hi back, and then get something rude or disgusting.

Exactly! I have had the same experience!
 
Nicolelt said:
Then I would get overwhelmed by the "hi"s. What was I suppose to say? I would just say hi back, and then get something rude or disgusting.

I am suspicious those "hi"s are from the dating site. (ringer profiles) That used to happen to me. It is just vague enough to encourage you to stay on the service but not get you anyplace with actual conversation.

There was a guy on Match that I know could not be real. Like every three weeks I could get a hi from him and never anything else. Sometimes when I would quit the service and almost immediately get an e-mail. So of course, I would join again for 30 days to read the e-mail and it would be him.
 
LonelySutton said:
Nicolelt said:
Then I would get overwhelmed by the "hi"s. What was I suppose to say? I would just say hi back, and then get something rude or disgusting.

I am suspicious those "hi"s are from the dating site. (ringer profiles) That used to happen to me. It is just vague enough to encourage you to stay on the service but not get you anyplace with actual conversation.

There was a guy on Match that I know could not be real. Like every three weeks I could get a hi from him and never anything else. Sometimes when I would quit the service and almost immediately get an e-mail. So of course, I would join again for 30 days to read the e-mail and it would be him.

I have similar experiences. Or I get "I'm bored". Great, find something to do :club:
 
Maybe it was because it was the early days of webdating before the scammers, passport chasers and "desperate for a shag at all costs" men ruined it for everyone, but I think I did quite well. I was honest and the people who replied were honest too. I didn't like the first girl I met, the second I'm still mates with and the third, well is now ex-wife but we had ten years together so I don't consider that a bad innings.
 
Minty said:
I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)


Ignore those people because they mean nothing. These are the guys who ruin it for the men who are sincere in meeting someone. Like myself. I used to be on a dating site and I had no luck at all.
 
Minty said:
Okay, so I did it. I joined a dating site. I wrote out a whole profile and I got loads of responses but they were all 'Hi' and that's it or a 'flower' from the site saying something really cliched like 'I'd like to get to know you better'...yeah, and? I did respond to a couple of them after reading their profiles but had no response.

I looked up guys and messaged those that were interesting to me and got no response and in the end I posted on their forum. I said, why do guys only ever say 'hi'. Why don't they read my profile and think 'hey, that girl is just like me!, I'd love to talk to her!' Or 'hey, I play Wow too! What realm are you?; But, no! All I got was abuse!

I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)

I'm sorry to hear you were treated so poorly. All I can say is that there are a lot of cruel, vulgar, unintelligent and just low-character people out there. I don't know why they act that way.

But it was brave of you to try. Maybe someday I will as well. I think if I did, I'd ask some of those things like you said, I'd ask questions based on what I read about on their profile. Just sending a message of "hi" or "I'm bored" doesn't at all seem like an effective strategy. Worse yet are the ones who say crude things - I don't know what they are trying to achieve. Maybe I'm not the sexiest man in the world, but surely I have more common sense than that.

I'd want to find someone with similar interests, and that's one thing I actually like about online dating - you can see what someone is interested in ahead of time, unlike real life where all you see is their looks and maybe if they are wearing a shirt of some interest or another. But other than that you have no clue what they are like. All of the girls that I met that I liked were people I knew got to know online first (though not on a dating site), so I knew what kind of people they were and what kinds of things they liked. It helped me know what I could talk about with them to increase the chances of connecting conversationally. I also got to see what their personality was like, based on the way they talked.

Now the problem that I face is that there have been so few women in my area on the major dating sites (POF and OKC) that share any of my interests.
 
Yeah I don't understand why people act that way either. It's exactly the best way to attract someone to act like a tool, but I suppose they get their kicks that way.

I don't like I'll bother again though.
 
BeyondShy said:
Minty said:
I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)


Ignore those people because they mean nothing. These are the guys who ruin it for the men who are sincere in meeting someone. Like myself. I used to be on a dating site and I had no luck at all.

Yes something is wrong here. We seem to have two groups of people joining dating sites. Nice guys who get nowhere and nice women who get plagued by wankers. I say dating sites are not working.


Minty said:
Okay, so I did it. I joined a dating site. I wrote out a whole profile and I got loads of responses but they were all 'Hi' and that's it or a 'flower' from the site saying something really cliched like 'I'd like to get to know you better'...yeah, and? I did respond to a couple of them after reading their profiles but had no response.

I looked up guys and messaged those that were interesting to me and got no response and in the end I posted on their forum. I said, why do guys only ever say 'hi'. Why don't they read my profile and think 'hey, that girl is just like me!, I'd love to talk to her!' Or 'hey, I play Wow too! What realm are you?; But, no! All I got was abuse!

I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)

Really? Seemed ironic to me that I was called a loser for being on a site that other people were on!

I'm not affected about what they said to me because I am a confident person so it washed off but I think, flippin heck! Can't meet a fella in real life, can't meet one online! I guess it's me and Foxy forever....

But apparently dating sites are full of nice guys who just want to be given a chance. People on here who send messages and get ignored and rejected. Something is going wrong. Dating sites don't work ! I say we should all go back to meeting people the old way, in pubs, clubs and at dances etc.
 
Minty said:
I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)

Really? Seemed ironic to me that I was called a loser for being on a site that other people were on!

my god! what kind of site is that, that collects that kind of people? RoughnecksLove.com?
perhaps you are on the wrong website? maybe they don't answer to you because they cannot read or write, or they are too rude and they don't know what to answer?
let me add my feelings: yuck...

When someone writes "hi", I never answer, maybe that is why I don't get as much trashing... or maybe it's just the nerd dating website, people are generally more cultured, although I got last week "heya, oh Booby One" (I don't even have lots of boobs, it must have been some standard message sent to every female, and messages from one whose nickname was MasturBait (!) and Dildo4U77, I was forgetting JustSwallow.
Maybe you need to write a different profile, to encourage more articulated people? But honestly, from what you say it sounds like that website is not a nice environment.
 
Triple Bogey said:
I say we should all go back to meeting people the old way, in pubs, clubs and at dances etc.

But the reason I joined a dating website in the first place is because that tactic didn't work. Not that it was a 'tactic' of course, but I go out most weekends and I have met met and got on with men and had 'brief encounters' with some in my lifetime but I have never gotten a connection with any.

I thought joining a site would let me meet like minded people...someone I could connect with without the need for booze for confidence, etc...


Peaches said:
Minty said:
I was called a fat slag and a whore and loser and told that if I flashed my boobs more, I'd get more attention....(yeah from the wrong kind of man!)

Really? Seemed ironic to me that I was called a loser for being on a site that other people were on!

my god! what kind of site is that, that collects that kind of people? RoughnecksLove.com?
perhaps you are on the wrong website? maybe they don't answer to you because they cannot read or write, or they are too rude and they don't know what to answer?
let me add my feelings: yuck...

When someone writes "hi", I never answer, maybe that is why I don't get as much trashing... or maybe it's just the nerd dating website, people are generally more cultured, although I got last week "heya, oh Booby One" (I don't even have lots of boobs, it must have been some standard message sent to every female, and messages from one whose nickname was MasturBait (!) and Dildo4U77, I was forgetting JustSwallow.
Maybe you need to write a different profile, to encourage more articulated people? But honestly, from what you say it sounds like that website is not a nice environment.

It was connecting singles .com... free site. I feel slightly aggrieved to have to pay for other sites. Silly, yeah.

I would assume that the 'guys' that have those usernames are actually, teenage boys desperate to get laid.

I know what you're saying about the profile. I initially wrote it all 'girly girly' (shame on me) and in the end I thought, 'you know what? That's not me! I'm a gamer, I like star trek, I like books, I love ridiculously misogynistic 19th century poetry and think it's romantic, I like nice guys and think 'bad boys' are arseholes and I laugh when someone falls over, can't help it!'

I figured that if I was honest, I would actually attract someone that was on the same level. I was tired of writing what I thought men wanted to hear.

I can't seem to win.
 
I have the opposite problem, being a man.
I read a girl's profile, if she sparks an intellectual intrigue of me, I message her.
Only to never get a message back. -__-
 
Niantiel said:
I have the opposite problem, being a man.
I read a girl's profile, if she sparks an intellectual intrigue of me, I message her.
Only to never get a message back. -__-

Yeah I have messaged a few myself too and never gotten a reply. *sigh*
 
Sorry to hear it's not worked out yet for you OP.

A word of warning, the free site plenty of fish has lots of scammer profiles, you can easily spot most of them as they don't have a pic, but be careful!
 
Minty said:
But the reason I joined a dating website in the first place is because that tactic didn't work.

Yeah, I hear you. I like meeting people online because I can get a sense of who they are ahead of time. I can see their interests and I can get a sense of how someone would be in real life by the way they talk, or at least type. The words they use, their manner of speech, that kind of stuff. I remember getting to know people on another forum, and I got a sense of their character through their posts.

I actually don't know how people used to do it, before the Internet. If you didn't know anything about a person, all you really had to go on was their looks. I don't really do cold approaches in the real world. I need more information to know if I feel like it's going to be worth it.

Minty said:
I know what you're saying about the profile. I initially wrote it all 'girly girly' (shame on me) and in the end I thought, 'you know what? That's not me! I'm a gamer, I like star trek, I like books, I love ridiculously misogynistic 19th century poetry and think it's romantic, I like nice guys and think 'bad boys' are arseholes and I laugh when someone falls over, can't help it!'

I figured that if I was honest, I would actually attract someone that was on the same level. I was tired of writing what I thought men wanted to hear.

I can't seem to win.

Haha. For what it's worth, I like your interests. And I'm really glad you think "bad boys" are "arseholes" - I'm glad you don't eat up their dumb cliche Hollywood bullcrap.

I think it was smart of you to re-write your profile based on how you really are. It makes me wonder how many other girls are hiding their true selves behind a girly-girly profile because they think that's what guys want to see. In my opinion, it only adds to the confusion of dating. Honestly, I don't know what to say to girls who list interests like hair, nails, and makeup. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with liking those things. It's just that I don't know how I would begin to relate to such a person since I'm not interested in those things myself. I don't know what I would start to talk to them about.

I don't want to discourage you, though. I'm sure there is someone out there who has similar interests to you. It might be a little harder because those interests are a little more rare, but I think it's just got to be worth it to keep trying. Remember don't pay any mind to the jerks, they want attention so don't play their game - it's not worth it. And just keep your eyes on the goal of meeting someone. You seem likeable. You can do it :)
 
TheSkaFish said:
Minty said:
But the reason I joined a dating website in the first place is because that tactic didn't work.

I like meeting people online because I can get a sense of who they are ahead of time. I can see their interests and I can get a sense of how someone would be in real life by the way they talk, or at least type. The words they use, their manner of speech, that kind of stuff.

Exactly what I think. I am a bit of a pedant so seeing how someone conducts themselves in written form means something to me. I'm one of those annoying people that bursts a blood vessel when someone writes 'there' instead of 'their' haha.


TheSkaFish said:
Haha. For what it's worth, I like your interests. And I'm really glad you think "bad boys" are "arseholes" - I'm glad you don't eat up their dumb cliche Hollywood bullcrap.

I think it was smart of you to re-write your profile based on how you really are. It makes me wonder how many other girls are hiding their true selves behind a girly-girly profile because they think that's what guys want to see. In my opinion, it only adds to the confusion of dating. Honestly, I don't know what to say to girls who list interests like hair, nails, and makeup. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with liking those things. It's just that I don't know how I would begin to relate to such a person since I'm not interested in those things myself. I don't know what I would start to talk to them about.

I don't want to discourage you, though. I'm sure there is someone out there who has similar interests to you. It might be a little harder because those interests are a little more rare, but I think it's just got to be worth it to keep trying. Remember don't pay any mind to the jerks, they want attention so don't play their game - it's not worth it. And just keep your eyes on the goal of meeting someone. You seem likeable. You can do it :)

Well I think that girls do it - at least I thought this - because you are initially writing what you think that's what a man wants to hear. My thought was 'what guy wants a girl like me?' So you pretend to be someone else but of course that never works because if you do meet someone then you'll never be happy or comfortable with them in person because they wont satisfy what you are looking for. I think men do this too. And of course it is all down to self confidence.

I love hair, nails and make up! haha but I would only ever discuss those things with my female friends and shop assistants!

Actually, I have recently started communicating with a guy on this site. I had almost given up on it until I got his message. He quoted parts of my profile - in a reference, same interests kind of way not a weird stalker way - and he's witty and laid back.

Only been a couple of messages back and forth but he seems like an interesting kind of guy so far.

Thanks for your kind words though. Much appreciated :)
 
Minty said:
Exactly what I think. I am a bit of a pedant so seeing how someone conducts themselves in written form means something to me. I'm one of those annoying people that bursts a blood vessel when someone writes 'there' instead of 'their' haha.

It's not so much that for me, though I see what you mean - usually, good grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure are indicators of an intelligent person, and vice versa.

But for me, it's how they talk - do they talk like a person who sees things in a unique, larger-than-life, magical way? Is there anything different about them? It gives me an idea of what their personality is like.
 
TheSkaFish said:
Minty said:
Exactly what I think. I am a bit of a pedant so seeing how someone conducts themselves in written form means something to me. I'm one of those annoying people that bursts a blood vessel when someone writes 'there' instead of 'their' haha.

It's not so much that for me, though I see what you mean - usually, good grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure are indicators of an intelligent person, and vice versa.

But for me, it's how they talk - do they talk like a person who sees things in a unique, larger-than-life, magical way? Is there anything different about them? It gives me an idea of what their personality is like.

Indeed. I sort of like that, I mean, I like people who are passionate about something but not too 'away with the fairies' haha.

But for me, it's all about humour and someone who can see beauty in the world.
 
Niantiel said:
I have the opposite problem, being a man.
I read a girl's profile, if she sparks an intellectual intrigue of me, I message her.
Only to never get a message back. -__-

Dealing with this exact situation right now. I'm using a dating site to make some friends but it's still frustrating.
 

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