Went on a short holiday on my own

Hi guys,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been a sufferer of lonliness and anxiety for a long time. I'm a twenty-something guy from England.

I go on holiday with my parents each year, it's one of the few escapes I get from these four walls. This time I decided to take a leap of faith and stay behind a couple of days longer. I was going to stay in a cheap hostel but they were booked up, so I booked myself into a plush hotel instead For a few days I took in the sights and things were generally OK, even though I was on my own. I had a few moments which I would desribe as a personal success - I went to restaurants (booking a table for one was slightly embarassing) and I even cold approached a girl. I spent about 15 minutes trying to psyche myself up beforehand.

On the penultimate day though I was overcome with lonliness. Sometimes it just hits me like this and there is no getting away from it. My head drops, and seeing everyone with their partners and friends also compounded the feeling. I'm back home now and the feeling persists. There is no one I can go to with these feelings, so I guess that's why I came here. I often wonder to myself if I will walk the lonely road forever - it has been a very long time. I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

This is something that worries me - will I always be alone wherever I go? My thoughts right now are to do some more travelling and perhaps book into hostels - maybe I will meet people that way? Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I wish I had a friend to take along with me, but past friendships have all ended for reasons I'm still unsure of. I have to fight this battle alone. Sometimes the freedom is empowering, and sometimes I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

Anyway, that's my little success story (of sorts).

Best wishes

pancakes_online said:

On the penultimate day though I was overcome with lonliness. Sometimes it just hits me like this and there is no getting away from it. My head drops, and seeing everyone with their partners and friends also compounded the feeling. I'm back home now and the feeling persists.

Click to expand...

First, congrats for getting out there. That was tough, and it is important that you pat yourself on your back for that.

I just wanted to say I can relate. Long time single traveler here. I was insanely brave, I think, when my parents were alive. (been to LA, Florida, drove to New Jersey alone in a snow storm). Even though I knew they were in no position to save me and once I asked and they said no (it was during a blizzard). But since their passing... I feel this sick feeling whenever I think about traveling.

Summer of 2012. I went on a trip to Chicago. I enjoyed a lot of it, had an amazing view. Got to take the hop on hop off buss all over the city. Was a total triumph. Except. It sort of gave me that sick feeling because of two events. (1) my flight, non stop at 10 AM... got diverted. This was a complete fluke. They had a thunderstorm just blow up over Chicago at the exact time we were landing. It was so bad we had to divert. Next thing I know we are in Grand Rapids and not only do they not know when we might get to Chicago, I don't know anyone in Grand Rapids. I could lose my motel reservation.... luckily it all worked out, though I did have to take the subway in a strange town by myself at night. (2) I went on the lake for a cruise by myself and it never occurred to me that I could have a problem. But did, I had this crazy guy from another country just start following me around the boat trying to make time with me. Eventually a nice couple gave me shelter. There was something wrong there. He just wouldn't go away.

Fall of 2012, off to NYC. I had never been to NYC before. I felt that feeling coming at me the entire trip. I got on the subway and nothing bad happened but it occurred to me that this was the NYC subway. THE NYC SUBWAY!! I got off and came up the stairs at World Trade Center... and I was unprepared that I would be that close to Ground Zero. I mean it was across the street. It was only now it occurred to me that the WTC stop was closed by rubble during the attacks. To speed up the story I got put in a room that was amazing. I had a full view of the empire state building and the bridges. And one night, sitting there... looking down at the town, on floor 33, I had a straight up panic attack. It just hit me like a ton of bricks... here I am.. alone, in New York, on the 33rd floor. What if something went wrong? Who would I go to. NYC should be fun but there was no one to tell, there was nothing to do after dark because I was alone.

I did make it home but I really have been uninterested in traveling since. I supposedly am going to North Carolina but I can't bring myself to do it.

But I know that single traveler depression / anxiety.

Congratulations on your success!

I'm in the same boat as you somewhat - just come out of a disasterous marriage and I'm now alone, most of my friends moved on with their lives while I was kept prisoner at home. So I've been looking for ways of getting myself out there despite my shyness and general fear.

An easier way of meeting people rather than cold approaching (I could NEVER do that so bravo for your effort there) is to join a group that shares an interest - I'm a writer so I looked for groups for novellists and found a great one in Birmingham which I go to each week. I've not made any firm friends yet, yet being the key as it's better than me sitting alone at home. So knowing I have that to look forward to each week I don't feel so lonely when I am alone - in fact it's a renewing solitude rather than a yearning for company.

Another thing I've started (and I've just posted an entire thread on this subject) is joined a few social groups on meetup.com. Had my first one on Sunday when I went to the cinema with a group of people who all turned out to be lovely and I had a great time. You should really give it a try.

Finally a few of us are trying to organise a meetup somewhere in the UK this summer so if you'd be interested, see the ALLFEST UK thread up in the Networking section of the site.

good luck dude, you've come to the right place

pancakes_online said:

Hi guys,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been a sufferer of lonliness and anxiety for a long time. I'm a twenty-something guy from England.

I go on holiday with my parents each year, it's one of the few escapes I get from these four walls. This time I decided to take a leap of faith and stay behind a couple of days longer. I was going to stay in a cheap hostel but they were booked up, so I booked myself into a plush hotel instead For a few days I took in the sights and things were generally OK, even though I was on my own. I had a few moments which I would desribe as a personal success - I went to restaurants (booking a table for one was slightly embarassing) and I even cold approached a girl. I spent about 15 minutes trying to psyche myself up beforehand.

On the penultimate day though I was overcome with lonliness. Sometimes it just hits me like this and there is no getting away from it. My head drops, and seeing everyone with their partners and friends also compounded the feeling. I'm back home now and the feeling persists. There is no one I can go to with these feelings, so I guess that's why I came here. I often wonder to myself if I will walk the lonely road forever - it has been a very long time. I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

This is something that worries me - will I always be alone wherever I go? My thoughts right now are to do some more travelling and perhaps book into hostels - maybe I will meet people that way? Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I wish I had a friend to take along with me, but past friendships have all ended for reasons I'm still unsure of. I have to fight this battle alone. Sometimes the freedom is empowering, and sometimes I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

Anyway, that's my little success story (of sorts).

Best wishes

Click to expand...

I think it gets easier the more you do it.
I am the same. I travel by myself taking photographs. I haven't done anything more than a day yet though. I enjoy it and I have got used to it but initially it felt uncomfortable.

Glad you enjoyed it !

pancakes_online said:

Hi guys,

I was going to stay in a cheap hostel but they were booked up, so I booked myself into a plush hotel instead For a few days I took in the sights and things were generally OK, even though I was on my own. I had a few moments which I would desribe as a personal success - I went to restaurants (booking a table for one was slightly embarassing) and I even cold approached a girl. I spent about 15 minutes trying to psyche myself up beforehand.

On the penultimate day though I was overcome with lonliness. Sometimes it just hits me like this and there is no getting away from it. My head drops, and seeing everyone with their partners and friends also compounded the feeling. I'm back home now and the feeling persists. There is no one I can go to with these feelings, so I guess that's why I came here. I often wonder to myself if I will walk the lonely road forever - it has been a very long time. I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

This is something that worries me - will I always be alone wherever I go? My thoughts right now are to do some more travelling and perhaps book into hostels - maybe I will meet people that way? Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I wish I had a friend to take along with me, but past friendships have all ended for reasons I'm still unsure of. I have to fight this battle alone. Sometimes the freedom is empowering, and sometimes I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

Anyway, that's my little success story (of sorts).

Best wishes

Click to expand...

Good for you It's so easy to hide and not experience things if you're traveling in a group. Sometimes it's actually easier to meet people if you're not surrounded by a group of family or friends.
While it can be nice to have a companion when you're out and about, being alone is not necessarily an affliction or disease - no reason to feel that way if you're alone. Also when you're traveling you can do whatever the hell you want - if you want to go to that charming cafe on the corner, there's no one to say they're not hungry or they don't like that type of food.

-Teresa

Triple Bogey said:

...
I am the same. I travel by myself taking photographs. I haven't done anything more than a day yet though. I enjoy it and I have got used to it but initially it felt uncomfortable.

Glad you enjoyed it !

Click to expand...

I also have found that if I attach an ulterior motive to doing something alone, it is much easier. Like you do with taking photographs.

I'm not alone, I'm on my way to a mechanical repair class in Texas that I signed up for, by camping through all the western states to get there. Yay!

I go away for work a few times to different Countries and have actually started to like eating alone in restaurants, but I guess it's different if you're on a business trip rather than a holiday.

I know a few people who have traveled on their own around Asia and one guy that did a round the world trip on his own. They all told me the same thing; that you meet other people along the way all doing the same thing - especially if you go to Thailand as it seems to be a Mecca for single 20 something travelers. And they have all have the best times of their lives.

Maybe you should try going a bit further afield? In my experience, being a British expat, English speakers abroad seem to gravitate towards each other when at home they probably wouldn't even look at you twice.

Go for it.

I havent been on a holiday yet on my own. I wish i could do that some time soon
good that it went well for you ! ;-)

Minty said:

I go away for work a few times to different Countries and have actually started to like eating alone in restaurants, but I guess it's different if you're on a business trip rather than a holiday.

I know a few people who have traveled on their own around Asia and one guy that did a round the world trip on his own. They all told me the same thing; that you meet other people along the way all doing the same thing - especially if you go to Thailand as it seems to be a Mecca for single 20 something travelers. And they have all have the best times of their lives.

Maybe you should try going a bit further afield? In my experience, being a British expat, English speakers abroad seem to gravitate towards each other when at home they probably wouldn't even look at you twice.

Go for it.

Click to expand...

I will go for it at some point, for sure. I'm a bit lost at the moment because I recently graduated and I feel lost in many ways.

Is it really that easy to meet people along the way? Oh how I wish that is true.

That is amazing,and well done to you,there are many places I could probably go on my own if I needed to but I could never pluck up the courage to go on holiday on my own even though I would love more experience of travelling.