Things I'll never do if I get better

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Xpendable

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If my life gets better, I'll never:

- Forget about people that are struggling in life in the same way I am.

- I will try to give genuine advice instead of just saying "Everything's gonna be alright"

- I won't start any speech with "I used to be like you"

- I won't spend money in things I don't need just because I can.

- I won't hug or kiss my SO in public just to show off. I'll do it only because I'll love her.

- I won't post how great my GF or my kids are on facebook every week knowing there's people out there that can't have that.

- I will only talk about how good I'm doing at work or how happy I feel when I get asked first.

- I won't try to presume how I know the solution to loneliness just because I recover from it. Every person has different backgrounds.

- I will try to listen to every person's complaints no matter how petty the may sound to others. There's always a bigger picture behind a sad face.

- I'll always concentrate in the awkward person on the group and try to make them feel comfortable.

- I'll never complaint if someone isn't having a good time or "ruining the mood" around me.

- I will never call another person "bitter" or "jealous", no matter what they say.

- I will never exclude a person from a social gathering just because they may no fit in, and never invite them to an event when I know they will feel uncomfortable.

- I'll never brag about what I have around people that doesn't have the same. I can feel happy with what I got just by reflecting on it.

- I won't think I'm better than others because I got better, I'll by thankful I was lucky enough.

- I won't get mad when someone doesn't accept my advice. I was there too.

- I'll never ignore anyone who feels lonely, doesn't matter what I'm doing at the moment.

- I'll never forget I was lonely in a point of my life and that it could come back in any moment.


Feel free to go on...
 
- I will never tell someone to "suck it up". I believe that it is one of the rudest things a person can say and doesn't help anything. It implies a total unwillingness to listen or relate, and suggests that a person should just give up and accept their crappy circumstances. Never.

- I will never call anyone "entitled". I hate that word with a passion.

- I will never tell someone to get a job in that non-helpful, condescending tone. Even if I start making a good income someday and find myself on the other side of the fence. I'll remember that people's situations are not always that cut-and-dry and that it's not always easy to know what you are good at and what you want to do and what is worth your time and where you fit in to this world that often doesn't make any sense.

- I won't forget what it was like to not have a girlfriend and never know when that was going to change or if there was anything I could even do about it, so I'll never call guys who don't have a girlfriend a loser.
 
I won't worry myself with the thoughts of others, and do what makes me happy without worrying about stepping on toes of those who aren't directly involved in my life to begin with.
 
It'd be pretty selfish of a depressed person to expect you to avoid talking about happy things for their own miserable comfort.

You'll probably be fine.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I won't worry myself with the thoughts of others, and do what makes me happy without worrying about stepping on toes of those who are directly involved in my life to begin with.

Incompatible.


Doubt The Rabbit said:
It'd be pretty selfish of a depressed person to expect you to avoid talking about happy things for their own miserable comfort.

I didn't say I'll avoid them, I just won't do it to show off.
 
Xpendable said:
- I won't start any speech with "I used to be like you"
There's nothing wrong with starting a "speech" like that. I would be more concerned about not making speeches and just talking to the person. The fact that you WERE like that only shows them that they can get better.

Xpendable said:
- I won't spend money in things I don't need just because I can.
You don't know what you will do in a situation you haven't been in. Maybe you have been in that situation and did it differently the first time, but you can never know precisely what you will do in the future.

Xpendable said:
- I won't post how great my GF or my kids are on facebook every week knowing there's people out there that can't have that.
There are people out there who CAN'T have girlfriends or kids? Since when? They DON"T have them, not can't. Yeah, some may not be able to have biological children, but there is other avenues people can take to have a child.

Xpendable said:
- I'll always concentrate in the awkward person on the group and try to make them feel comfortable.
Singling out one person just because they are having trouble? It's one thing to help them along, but to CONCENTRATE on them? Sounds like pity to me and likely would to them too.


Xpendable said:
- I'll never brag about what I have around people that doesn't have the same. I can feel happy with what I got just by reflecting on it.
There is a different between bragging and being thankful and proud of what you've accomplished. Not everyone will ever have the same, but there's no reason you should hide what you have or who you are.



As for the rest, you never know what you will never do. You can strive for it yes, but you can't know you won't do those things. Your perspective could also change when you get better.

They are nice thoughts, but they are what you hope you will do, not what you will never do. Be yourself and be proud of who you are and how far you've come, whether you are better or still working on getting better.
 
TheRealCallie said:
You never know what you will never do. You can strive for it yes, but you can't know you won't do those things. Your perspective could also change when you get better.

They are nice thoughts, but they are what you hope you will do, not what you will never do. Be yourself and be proud of who you are and how far you've come, whether you are better or still working on getting better.

Everything callie said but especially this, several times over.

Also what doubt the rabbit said.
 
I see OP's point.

People are ignorant of people who struggle. They might see a person as a boring twat, while this person's problem could be a health issue. People who never experienced tough times themselves tend to be very judgmental, and this post is about getting away from that.

And learning that there are more important things in this world than feeling better than others, and showing off.
 
Oldyoung said:
People are ignorant of people who struggle.

Works both ways though. Ignorance isn't only designated to being who are doing well. Those struggling can also be ignorant of another person's intentions and what they are actually doing.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Oldyoung said:
People are ignorant of people who struggle.

Works both ways though. Ignorance isn't only designated to being who are doing well. Those struggling can also be ignorant of another person's intentions and what they are actually doing.

For what it's worth, anything that creates less ignorance is better. Even if it only changes things from one perspective, and not the other.
 
Oldyoung said:
I see OP's point.

People are ignorant of people who struggle. They might see a person as a boring twat, while this person's problem could be a health issue. People who never experienced tough times themselves tend to be very judgmental, and this post is about getting away from that.

And learning that there are more important things in this world than feeling better than others, and showing off.

Who is to judge who has been through tough times and who hasn't? Just because one came through to the other side and finally gets some happiness doesn't automatically make them ignorant of the struggle other people may also be going through, nor does it make them a show off if they aren't guilty for their happiness. Clearly people going through tough times can themselves be very judgmental as can be evidenced by many posts on here..

Judge and be judged in turn.
 
TheRealCallie said:
There's nothing wrong with starting a "speech" like that.

It wrongly assumes that my experiences are comparable and compatible with that person without knowing them fully. The old "if I did it you can too" is not enough.

TheRealCallie said:
I would be more concerned about not making speeches and just talking to the person.

Speech, rant, advice, meandering; I just meant communication.

TheRealCallie said:
The fact that you WERE like that only shows them that they can get better.

But I wasn't like that, I was me and their were them. That doesn't mean I can't try to help from a different perspective. Guiding people is not always about comparing yourself to them.

TheRealCallie said:
You don't know what you will do in a situation you haven't been in. Maybe you have been in that situation and did it differently the first time, but you can never know precisely what you will do in the future.

Not to be disrespectful, but I'm certain I know myself better. No, I can't know what I would do, but I can take the decision now that I will act according to my promises. I can't predict, but I can predispose myself.

TheRealCallie said:
There are people out there who CAN'T have girlfriends or kids? Since when?

I wish I was as optimistic as you.

TheRealCallie said:
They DON"T have them, not can't.

They can't because different factors in life have made them undesirable to others. I know is hard to grasp, but there's people out there who will never find anyone. It has happened and It will keep happening. There's people in this same forum who haven't been kissed until over their 30'. It has little to do with how they feel about themselves, or how positive or negative their attitudes are. Sometimes the opposite sex doesn't like you, it doesn't matter what you do or how you think.

TheRealCallie said:
Singling out one person just because they are having trouble? It's one thing to help them along, but to CONCENTRATE on them? Sounds like pity to me and likely would to them too.

You don't imagine how many people wished someone came close to them and try to look at them deeply. Besides, they get singled out all the time by society, just in the opposite way. You can inject semantic meaning into my words all you want, but you can't distort my intentions to fit your beliefs.

TheRealCallie said:
There is a different between bragging and being thankful and proud of what you've accomplished. Not everyone will ever have the same, but there's no reason you should hide what you have or who you are.

Yes, the difference is in reading the posts carefully.

TheRealCallie said:
As for the rest, you never know what you will never do. You can strive for it yes, but you can't know you won't do those things.

C'mon, why you have to be so negative? All I have to do is believe in myself.

TheRealCallie said:
Your perspective could also change when you get better.

I'm changing my perspective now to be better later.

TheRealCallie said:
They are nice thoughts, but they are what you hope you will do, not what you will never do.

They are what I hope I'll never do.

TheRealCallie said:
Be yourself and be proud of who you are and how far you've come, whether you are better or still working on getting better.

Please tell me where you got the idea I was striving for the opposite of this.
 
Just to take some of the things that was listed:

- I won't post how great my GF or my kids are on facebook every week knowing there's people out there that can't have that.
- I won't spend money in things I don't need just because I can.
- I won't hug or kiss my SO in public just to show off. I'll do it only because I'll love her.
- I won't think I'm better than others because I got better, I'll by thankful I was lucky enough.
- I will only talk about how good I'm doing at work or how happy I feel when I get asked first.

All these boil down too: I won't be a f-in monkey fighting for social status. Cause that is a source for conflict and segregates communities. (IMO)
You can still spend money. You can still show appreciation for family. Can still kiss your SO.

For the rest, just swap "never" and "always" with some more neutral terms and they'll be fine.
 
Oldyoung said:
I see OP's point.

People are ignorant of people who struggle. They might see a person as a boring twat, while this person's problem could be a health issue. People who never experienced tough times themselves tend to be very judgmental, and this post is about getting away from that.

And learning that there are more important things in this world than feeling better than others, and showing off.

Seriously, It was this so difficult?
 
Oldyoung said:
You can still spend money. You can still show appreciation for family. Can still kiss your SO.

Yes, I'll sure do. I will just try to do it wisely and with sincerity. I want to be able to enjoy it for what it will be, not for how great it looks to others.

Oldyoung said:
For the rest, just swap "never" and "always" with some more neutral terms and they'll be fine.

Sorry, I'm not a native speaker so sometimes I won't be too concise with syntaxis.


Oldyoung said:
So I didn't get your point either?

On the contrary.
 
Xpendable said:
Oldyoung said:
I see OP's point.

People are ignorant of people who struggle. They might see a person as a boring twat, while this person's problem could be a health issue. People who never experienced tough times themselves tend to be very judgmental, and this post is about getting away from that.

And learning that there are more important things in this world than feeling better than others, and showing off.

Seriously, It was this so difficult?

But what if you don't know people are struggling? Like, if I post on Facebook that I got a new job. I'm not being smug or throwing it into the faces of people that are struggling to find work. I am posting because I want my family and friends to hear the news. I don't have time to call up all of my 12 cousins on one side of the family and tell them. But with one simple sentence on social media, they all get the news.

Lots of people who are struggling with things don't often post or make them public, so unless I am a close friend to them, I wouldn't know.
 
Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
There's nothing wrong with starting a "speech" like that.

It wrongly assumes that my experiences are comparable and compatible with that person without knowing them fully. The old "if I did it you can too" is not enough.

Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
The fact that you WERE like that only shows them that they can get better.

But I wasn't like that, I was me and their were them. That doesn't mean I can't try to help from a different perspective. Guiding people is not always about comparing yourself to them.

Of course it's not comparable and what worked for you may not work for them, but when you overcome your obstacles and struggles, it doesn't matter what you go through, what matters is that you made it through. No two people have the same struggles, but tales of overcoming the odds are not worthless, not at all. Nothing will be enough unless the person WANTS to get better.
Whether you are guiding them or patronizing them, you will still use YOUR experiences to communicate to them, because that's all you know.


Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
There are people out there who CAN'T have girlfriends or kids? Since when?

I wish I was as optimistic as you.

TheRealCallie said:
They DON"T have them, not can't.

They can't because different factors in life have made them undesirable to others. I know is hard to grasp, but there's people out there who will never find anyone. It has happened and It will keep happening. There's people in this same forum who haven't been kissed until over their 30'. It has little to do with how they feel about themselves, or how positive or negative their attitudes are. Sometimes the opposite sex doesn't like you, it doesn't matter what you do or how you think.

Ugh, I really dislike the word can't. It's very rarely used correctly.
Yes, some people will be alone forever, but guess what, it's not because they CAN'T get someone, it's because they GIVE UP or don't bother to try in the first place. Or don't try hard enough, or any other number of reasons that things don't work out the way you want them to. That is not CAN'T, that is don't, sometimes even won't.
Yes, there are people in this same forum that haven't been kissed or whatever at an older age, but there are also some people on this forum that refuse to see anything but the negative in everything, some are too optimistic and get upset when they are rejected, some, well, you get my point. It has EVERYTHING to do with how positive or negative they are because that projects outward onto other people. People can SEE that, and yes, it is unappealing. There is someone for EVERYONE. Every single person has at least one person (a lot more than one, if you want my completely honest opinion) out there that will find them attractive. Maybe you aren't looking in the right place, maybe your standards are set at an enormously ridiculous level. Whatever the case may be, this is NOT a can't situation.


Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
Singling out one person just because they are having trouble? It's one thing to help them along, but to CONCENTRATE on them? Sounds like pity to me and likely would to them too.

You don't imagine how many people wished someone came close to them and try to look at them deeply. Besides, they get singled out all the time by society, just in the opposite way. You can inject semantic meaning into my words all you want, but you can't distort my intentions to fit your beliefs.

You don't know what I can imagine and as a matter of fact, I look beyond the surface of every single person I meet. But I use what I see as a way of getting to know someone because I WANT to get to know them, not just because "oh hey, random person over there, let's just go insert myself into their entire space."

I'm not injecting anything into your words. I'm simply telling you how it appears to me.

Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
As for the rest, you never know what you will never do. You can strive for it yes, but you can't know you won't do those things.

C'mon, why you have to be so negative? All I have to do is believe in myself.

That's not being negative, that's being realistic. Unless you are a psychic, in which case, okay, you're right 100%.


Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
Be yourself and be proud of who you are and how far you've come, whether you are better or still working on getting better.

Please tell me where you got the idea I was striving for the opposite of this.

Never said you weren't striving for it, this was more general for anyone than just you specifically. Hiding things about yourself just for the sake of others does nothing. It's almost akin to being ashamed of what you have. No, not everyone will like all that you have, but unless you are honestly bragging about it and shoving it in people's faces, there's nothing wrong with commenting about what you have.
Part of the journey to becoming better is accepting who you are and what you have and not worrying about what other people think. As long as you don't become arrogant about what you have, you're fine.
 

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