feeling nothing

I was told earlier today that a relative I am close to discovered he has a (big) tumor.

I can't really explain it myself.. but I feel nothing.. absolutely nothing..

What kind of person am I.. I should at least feel something.. be sad or worried..

Could be shock or that it hasn't hit you yet. Like you haven't seen actual evidence of it, so you don't really believe it yet.

I had those same feeling when a friend of mine died in high school. My mom called and told me, but I was just "okay, thanks for telling me." I had just seen her the day before, so my brain couldn't register it. It didn't really hit me until later what actually happened and that I'd never see her again.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you. We all experience situations like this in different ways. Don't be so hard on yourself.

^Yeah, what Callie said.

Our subconscious is pretty slow at getting things. Logically you know what's going on but subconsciously you're not there yet, so maybe that's why you're not feeling or reacting to this news.

I'm really sorry to hear about your relative. Sending my best wishes and hope that something can be done quickly and successfully to get better.

Thanks a lot Callie and lady. You're probably right.

Feelings are unreliable. I don't think you should base all your response on your feelings. Actions are far more important than feelings. And, in action, you can express care and concern for your relative by sending them a card, giving them a call, baking a casserole or any number of ways.

I agree with what delle said. Expecting your feelings to be some fount of infallible wisdom is a mistake. Do what you _think_ is right and let the feelings take care of themselves.

I agree with Callie too. A big shock often switches off our feelings temporarily and makes us feel numb. Don't be hard on yourself as what you are experiencing is totally normal.

Callie is right in that it takes some time for that realization to be processed and surface.
However, I've experienced several events of consequence last year, a couple of which were as significant as the situation you've detailed. I have yet to cry or feel deeply if at all about any of them. I've cried many times, this year and the last, over far more trivial and ridiculous things, including videos of baby animals. =P
Certain things leave you unable to express from without, but there are things that can prevent you from registering emotion within as well. When the childhood best friend of my former fiancé died in a freak accident involving a plane, he said he felt nothing, and couldn't understand why. Over the next few months, he stopped going to university, failed several classes, his weight ballooned out of control, he began sleeping far more than was usual, and he stopped interaction with almost everyone but me. Fortunately, he did eventually seek counselling. But he didn't talk about it, or cry, or express any emotion at all about it, throughout that time or afterwards.
Obviously that may be an extreme example, but all I mean is that feeling nothing doesn't mean you don't care. People react to and deal with things differently. I know I care, and that knowledge has had to suffice me. Sometimes the numbness is lasting. Don't feel that there is anything wrong with you. There isn't. Don't judge yourself based on your feelings or lack of them in a situation. As delledonne said, feelings are unreliable and whether you are able to feel any emotion concerning this or not, actions can make all the difference in your case, in proving to your relative that you do care.

Aisha said:

all I mean is that feeling nothing doesn't mean you don't care.

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No, you're exactly right. Your example demonstrates that they probably care too much and that their brain shut off these emotions from the mind just so that it could endure.
It also goes to show that ignoring your feelings and repressing them can sometimes be quite devastating to your life.

From my experience, 'feeling nothing' is just another way of pretty much just feeling everything, feeling too much that your mind just shuts down. Your mind and body do not know how to deal with that situation so the way we understand it is that, because the pain itself might be too intense, we shut ourselves off and do not really think about it. The problem is that reality is still there waiting for us and time still passes by. I think it is maybe a way of 'freezing time' for ourselves so that we can continue to live in a world before it happened, but I don't know.

Wayfarer, do not be upset at yourself for feeling like this. It is a defense mechanism that your mind uses to protect you. It's just how things work.
But I would suggest that you do not ignore the feelings forever because it can and probably will eat at you. Prepare yourself now to deal with what you need to deal with, before it destroys you. I know what these kind of things do to you when you do not deal with them for a long time, and you do not want that.

Here's a stray thought from me.

There is a reason people go to the morgue. It is to make it dawn on you. Also funerals have the same effect, though not as strongly as when you actually look at the dead body of a loved one.

It was horrible to go through, last time I went. But afterwards it was easier to come to terms with what had happened.

But until that moment I did feel rather numb.

It took me three months to understand that my grandma had died...
I think actually the more sensitive you are, the more your brain refuses to let the "bad stuff" in, so a temporary numbness doesn't mean that you have no feelings

A little over a year ago one of the most important people in my life died. I also took a long slow time moving into my sense of loss. I feel like he is inside me, though. I think he'd like that.