Being Positive About Being Alone

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IndigoSpace

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Hi Everyone

I live alone, completely alone, although I do have one relative who lives a 5 minute walk away and a dog. :)

I find some aspects of living alone challenging but at the same time I'm in this situation because I chose it and because of a few circumstances that arose over the last few years that mean I haven't formed connections as well as I might have done (bereavement was a biggie and there were some other issues).

When I look around the internet to find groups of people like myself, I don't find them. So I'm grateful for this forum! I also want to be positive in my life and not down in the dumps about being alone. I think people should be able to talk about how they're feeling, etc, and how much of a challenge it can be, of course, but I also want to feel good about my life, not view it as sad or wrong. I think half of the problem with being alone is thinking that it's a problem. So I'm looking for people, groups of people who, while recognising the challenges and being supportive/sympathetic, also see the upside to being alone.

Does anyone here live alone? What are the downsides and the upsides? I'd love to connect with anyone who wants to aim towards positivity. :cool:
 
You got a good attitude there, I hope you'll find what you're looking for here. There are a lot of nice people around the forum who despite their hardships, they try to keep positive. Everyone's got honeysuckle to deal with, but it's a matter of how you deal with it that's important.

I don't live alone, unfortunately. I have been wanting to though from my teenage years but until now, I haven't got the chance due to many other circumstances. I fear that I may never get a chance.

I believe that for an introvert and loner like me, living alone would give me the space I need from being around people. I tend to also be a little particular with how things are organised or done, so that would also be a plus because I find myself gritting my teeth when I see another family member living with me being messy or using the toothpaste barbarically. I almost always feel like I need to get my own toothpaste but I've tried to keep my OCD in check and not be too.... particular.

Downsides, I guess there would be moments when I'd feel like hanging out with a someone and then there's no one around, that might suck. Then again I could invite over a friend or two for this, but that said, they're not always available. Cost of living is not shared either so you bear the cost of everything in your own place, that can be quite challenging if you don't have enough income or you live very very tightly. Then again, if you can't afford it, you shouldn't get your own place.

Can't think of any other upsides or downsides.
 
The negatives outweigh the positives when you are alone. No way around that. The more you are alone the more you get excluded.
 
This might be off topic and I offer my apologies if it is, but I'm totally accustomed to being seen alone at restaurants, movies and shopping for groceries. People inevitably are going to wonder why I'm alone, why I've never married and why they never see me in a man/woman relationship. So they're gonna draw whatever conclusions they want.

Here's my issue: I've accepted the social price of solitude, but to change, look for relationships, actually function in a web of interconnected sociality is going to cost me a whole other price......feeling like a klutz, an lout with pretty rusty social skills.

So I'm not really looking for friends or dates/rendez-vous, whatever one calls the 'mating game'. I'm unresponsive to ladies giving me 'the look' and don't seek out any friendships. The only people I even know are the neighbors and my colleagues who volunteer in public services.

What's going to become of me? Keep up this social isolation I'm accustomed to or take the risk of being the awkward, gauche buffoon? And hope that someone will see some redeeming character traits behind it?
 
Positives of being alone:
- you can do what you want when you want.
- there is less to do in terms of errands etc.
- there is less "damage" to furniture etc.
- more time to think about you and not spent working for others.

Negatives of being alone
- health -- who will be there for you when you are sick and can't be there for yourself.
- money, things are on average, cheaper for a couple earning two incomes.
- friendship.. someone to talk to ... tell about what you are doing in your life.
- social stigma. In a strange way things have improved since no one seriously can intimate you are gay in a world where gay is kool, but even though they don't know what to call you... they are suspicious of you. And you can be targeted due to that.

Though I am scared for the future when I am alone, I think in a way I am lucky. My parents just assumed they would have a care taker and or die in their sleep at 68. When they were still alive at 78 and no care taker... with no plan... then they were hit with how messed up things were. At least with me I can purchase the appropriate insurance, long term care, write a trust, etc.. to do my best to prepare. And of course, every day of my life I work to make sure I am in my best health and that anything that could be a problem is resolved quickly (knee issues).
 
positives -
not having to report to anyone
not having drama
being able to go where you want to go when you want to go
never having to compromise
your home is always a place of peace and quiet
you can decorate to your own taste, and clean at your own pace.
you dont have to cook dinner or buy groceries
you can vacation any time and place you want without worrying about someone else
you can chase any dreams you want without worrying about someone elses dreams
you can move cities/coutries whenever you want.


negatives -
lack of intimate meaningful sex
Not having anyone concerned of your whereabouts
Nobody to cry to if you have a bad day
Stereotypes of being single people assume you are unloveable.
Nobody to care for you when you are sick
I'ts much easier for two people to survive and prosper financially then it is for one
 
Positives:
"FREEEEEEDOOOOOMM!!!!!!" - Mel Gibson as William Wallace, Braveheart.

Negatives:
Everything everyone else has listed.
 
Positives:
Freedom

Negatives:
What everyone else has already stated as well as...
Lack of intimacy
Shunning of society (the longer you are single or in my case never having had a gf, you are viewed as almost unmatchable)
 

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