feeling down today...

i just feel really depressed today just reflection on the things i have done or havent been able to accomplish due to all the sicknesses and low self esteem. i keep asking myself why does all this have to happen to me, what did i do to deserve this messed up life? i hardly drink i dont smoke hell im in church at least 3 sundays for the month and i havent seen honeysuckle change. my family just bashes me and overlooks the fact that i push my dying ass to the limit yet praise my sister for petty honeysuckle and kick me down. i feel like im a ******* disappointment anything i do turns into honeysuckle, im stress, balding and skinny like a freakin twig, i have no friends i pretty much talk to myself now when i listen music i ******* break down in tears, i cry at night and i just wonder what the fresia is the point of living? when will this ******* dark phase end? i been trying to pull the pieces together but it just backfires, i tried making new friends but no one wants to talk to the skinny bald guy and well theres a girl i really like but what the fresia am i kidding shes popular shes got tons of good looking guy friends why the fresia would she want to associate herself with a ******* nobody piece of honeysuckle loser like me. i come to terms my education/academics have gone to honeysuckle im starting a new school in september and most likely im not gonna make any friends im gonna be that one loser that sits alone in the cafeteria. ive seen drs, therapists, taken all kinda crap pills and i just feel sad and depressed where is my life going? summer vacation people head off to the beach or to the movies with friends and im in my house all alone just doing house chores like the little bald ***** that i am. i try to be positive but how am i supposed to be positive if positive honeysuckle dont happen? man i dont know where my ******* life is going im 21 now no one gave a fresia about that my birthday was the typical day crappy food and talk to my crazy self my classmates are graduating now and i got kicked out before i even got started, fresia this life i dont even know where the fresia im going with this post i feel like killing myself but i dont wanna die so idk guess i'll never ever be happy....i understand if you read this and think im not worth it its ok i think im not worth it too so we agree on something
-bye

You haven't started your new school yet. Don't you think it's too early to have a negative outlook before the first class has even started? And as for sitting by yourself... well, it's college. By now no one really notices who keeps to themselves and who has a large group of friends. You mentioned knowing one girl. Do you talk to her at all? Maybe she can introduce you to her group of friends? Until then, try to enjoy the rest of your summer. Go out by yourself if you can. It beats staying inside the house and ruminating all day at any rate.

reynard_muldrake said:

You haven't started your new school yet. Don't you think it's too early to have a negative outlook before the first class has even started? And as for sitting by yourself... well, it's college. By now no one really notices who keeps to themselves and who has a large group of friends. You mentioned knowing one girl. Do you talk to her at all? Maybe she can introduce you to her group of friends? Until then, try to enjoy the rest of your summer. Go out by yourself if you can. It beats staying inside the house and ruminating all day at any rate.

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i know its too early to be negative about school but i just know its gonna happen thats why im preparing myself so it doesnt come as a shock to me. That one girl is a girl i have a mad crush on but dont have the nuts to meet her or talk to her. I do go out alone sometimes but when i do the lonliness gets to me and well it makes me feel even more depressed thanks for the reply buddy i'll try to be a little more positive about the new school.

dn560 said:

reynard_muldrake said:

You haven't started your new school yet. Don't you think it's too early to have a negative outlook before the first class has even started? And as for sitting by yourself... well, it's college. By now no one really notices who keeps to themselves and who has a large group of friends. You mentioned knowing one girl. Do you talk to her at all? Maybe she can introduce you to her group of friends? Until then, try to enjoy the rest of your summer. Go out by yourself if you can. It beats staying inside the house and ruminating all day at any rate.

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i know its too early to be negative about school but i just know its gonna happen thats why im preparing myself so it doesnt come as a shock to me. That one girl is a girl i have a mad crush on but dont have the nuts to meet her or talk to her. I do go out alone sometimes but when i do the lonliness gets to me and well it makes me feel even more depressed thanks for the reply buddy i'll try to be a little more positive about the new school.

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Constant disappointments can rob us of optimism. At the same time, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy if you go in thinking you won't succeed. Why do that to yourself when you're already undergoing a bad time? Maybe the other school was just a bad fit for you educationally, socially, etc. At least go in with an open mind. You may be surprised by what happens (in a good way, no less). Regarding the girl, I think a simple "hello" and basic chit-chat should work fine. It's not like you need to rush into anything big right away.

[/quote] Constant disappointments can rob us of optimism. At the same time, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy if you go in thinking you won't succeed. Why do that to yourself when you're already undergoing a bad time? Maybe the other school was just a bad fit for you educationally, socially, etc. At least go in with an open mind. You may be surprised by what happens (in a good way, no less). Regarding the girl, I think a simple "hello" and basic chit-chat should work fine. It's not like you need to rush into anything big right away.
[/quote]

I'll try to keep an open mind when it comes to this new school. The girl that im crazy for tho im just not gonna get myself involved im way out of her league and personally i dont think its possible for us to meet each other, shes all happy and smiling and honeysuckle and im angry and gloomy. Her way of life is colour and mine is total darkness its a total mismatch im just gonna have to accept the fact that "US" will never happen.

I'm feeling really down today myself but my problems are probably relatively trivial. Nevertheless I hate my life and I'm sick and tired of being a caregiver to an ungrateful person who has always made things worse than they were already and is still doing it.

The notion of escape is never far from my mind. I could clean out all the bank accounts and disappear. Then there's always the final escape....

I won't do either of them, it would just make things worse than they already are. But I think about it.

constant stranger said:

I'm feeling really down today myself but my problems are probably relatively trivial. Nevertheless I hate my life and I'm sick and tired of being a caregiver to an ungrateful person who has always made things worse than they were already and is still doing it.

The notion of escape is never far from my mind. I could clean out all the bank accounts and disappear. Then there's always the final escape....

I won't do either of them, it would just make things worse than they already are. But I think about it.

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I know the feeling dude i live it everyday.

When you're feeling depressed, take a nice long nap and your mood may change when you wake up.

Stonely said:

When you're feeling depressed, take a nice long nap and your mood may change when you wake up.

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i wish the insomnia would let me take a long nap lol

Hello dn560,

The way I see this is you got two options....
You can either sit in your self defeat and let the ******** of life win,
Or you can continue to persevere... push on and you can decide how things are going to be and win!

I am not discounting your anguish and how it makes you feel like a loser and it gives you very little or no will to keep going.
I get that! I really, really do! The time has now come, for you to get back in the Driver seat of your own destiny.
No matter how much society may try to tell you.. you are bounded by fate, fresia Them!

Its really really simple... You can either ignores ******** that are not supportive of you or
allow them to continue to push you around emotionally and make you feel like honeysuckle.... You decide!

You are the Master of your own Destiny, you sit upon your throne...and you rule of the nation that is call You.
As King of You; you get to decide how you feel today, you decide what advice you will listen to, and/or
allow to influence in the course of your life. The beautiful thing is you get decide what your wants and needs are!

Sure some needs are dominant that must be met, such as your need to eat, breathe, and etc.
Yes I would even dare say our need for companionship is definitely one of them.
The good news is there are many ways the companionship requirement can be fulfilled without having disastrous elements surrounding your life.

In conclusion... Stay true to yourself, you are who you are.... Now go far!
Only surround yourself with people that support you emotionally, intellectually, whatever...
of course be sure you are willing to do the same for them.
While acquaintanceship are easy to be made and are a dime of a dozen, but that rare gem to be found among them,
an actual friend that is what will take the most time. The real girlfriend is just as difficult to find if not more rarer.

Everyone else will not change for you, so why should you change for them?
Live this life for you...Be happy! No one one else is going to live this life for you.

Peace!

Bob Lee said:

Hello dn560,

The way I see this is you got two options....
You can either sit in your self defeat and let the ******** of life win,
Or you can continue to persevere... push on and you can decide how things are going to be and win!

I am not discounting your anguish and how it makes you feel like a loser and it gives you very little or no will to keep going.
I get that! I really, really do! The time has now come, for you to get back in the Driver seat of your own destiny.
No matter how much society may try to tell you.. you are bounded by fate, fresia Them!

Its really really simple... You can either ignores ******** that are not supportive of you or
allow them to continue to push you around emotionally and make you feel like honeysuckle.... You decide!

You are the Master of your own Destiny, you sit upon your throne...and you rule of the nation that is call You.
As King of You; you get to decide how you feel today, you decide what advice you will listen to, and/or
allow to influence in the course of your life. The beautiful thing is you get decide what your wants and needs are!

Sure some needs are dominant that must be met, such as your need to eat, breathe, and etc.
Yes I would even dare say our need for companionship is definitely one of them.
The good news is there are many ways the companionship requirement can be fulfilled without having disastrous elements surrounding your life.

In conclusion... Stay true to yourself, you are who you are.... Now go far!
Only surround yourself with people that support you emotionally, intellectually, whatever...
of course be sure you are willing to do the same for them.
While acquaintanceship are easy to be made and are a dime of a dozen, but that rare gem to be found among them,
an actual friend that is what will take the most time. The real girlfriend is just as difficult to find if not more rarer.

Everyone else will not change for you, so why should you change for them?
Live this life for you...Be happy! No one one else is going to live this life for you.

Peace!

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Hell yeah man fresia them all.

This was the biggest ******* wake up call ever thanks so much man!

much love!