Single Person Discrimination

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LonelySutton

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I really didn't know where to put this. But for some unknown reason at my workplace it is NOT ok to celebrate the birthdays of the people who actually work there.

But, it is ok to have parties for people who get pregnant OR people that are getting married. I actually don't understand that at all because both things are truly none of the workplaces business and both involve strangers to the workplace.

Everytime someone gets knocked up they have a baby shower where I work. I typically don't go as a statement. I think it is rude. Basically saying if you don't live your life a certain way, we don't value you as much. Not as if society doesn't tell you that all the time. It is horrible I think for the workplace to get involved in these judgments. Today I forgot and came out of my office during the party and this person asked why I wasn't there... ugh it was so frustrating. I pretended I had work but everyone knew that was crud.

I think it would be ok if co workers wanted to have a shower for a co worker OUTSIDE of the workplace. But I think it is beyond inappropriate to do it at work and I resent it. My life choices (or circumstance) is just as important and valuable as everyone elses.

But obviously not.

All the single people or people who think this is inappropriate have to scatter and pretend they are too busy to go.

I guess this is just a rant because it will never change. People just can't stop.
 
Maybe you should actually mention this to HR or the appropriate office/person. That does sound strange to me, to not be able to celebrate birthdays but to be able to celebrate pregnancies and marriages. I could see if it was all of those, or even none of those that were allowed, to make it fair across the board. It does seem strange to single out birthdays as the most disruptive type of celebration and therefore to ban it.

But yeah, you should see whoever is in charge of the rules on that and explain your reasons for your feelings because it makes sense to me.




I know this might not be "single person discrimination" exactly, but what frustrates me is how the world is priced for two. It seems like everything, especially major things, are priced with the idea that two people or more will split the cost - such as rent or a mortgage. When it is only one, the costs of mere existence are insane. I can only imagine how much money I'd have to make to live anywhere without a roommate and still live a normal life with the same things as everyone else and in a safe neighborhood. It would have to be in the upper range of 5 figure salaries at the least.
 
LonelySutton said:
I really didn't know where to put this. But for some unknown reason at my workplace it is NOT ok to celebrate the birthdays of the people who actually work there.

Everytime someone gets knocked up they have a baby shower where I work. I typically don't go as a statement. I think it is rude.

Wait, you were explicitly told that you can't celebrate the birthdays of people at your work? There's a written policy? Have you tried to celebrate a coworker's birthday and you were told "No"? Or you just sort of got a hint or something that you can't celebrate your birthday at work?

Describing a pregnant coworker as "knocked up" is rude, in my opinion. How would you like to be called that? If other people want to celebrate the birth of someone's baby, why do you have to make a statement against it?

PS, Single people have babies too.

-Teresa
 
It is very hurtful when something like this, which excludes a group of people (those who are single without children), takes place in front of you at work on a regular basis. From the sound of it, your other single childless colleagues find it hard as well. Maybe you should have a word with your boss about it? S/he could either say that all celebrations are to be held outside work/say that birthdays are to be celebrated as well/set aside a room for parties so that anyone who doesn't want to go to them knows where to avoid.
 
I think you just need to think about the point of work. Which is to earn a living. And, part of that is schmoozing at work in way that makes you a "team player". I agree, there is a lot of unfairness in life period. And, the culture of every work place is different. I find that wherever I have worked, there are usually a clique of people who kind of control these things.
As for going to HR, I personally would advise against that. You dont' really know how your boss or others in charge might perceive that. It is too easy to come of as petty, or not being focused on your job or whatever. To me, that would not be worth it. If there are people with whom you want to celebrate a birthday, why not invite them out for a drink after work or something? No reason you can't organize a get together outside of work.
As for celebrating babies, I don't think it is wise to "make a statement" by not at least congratulating or chipping in a few bucks or whatever. I just consider these things as part of my business costs to hold down a job. YOu don't have to care. But, you do need to have some perception as a team player.
 
delledonne11 said:
As for going to HR, I personally would advise against that. You dont' really know how your boss or others in charge might perceive that.

Yeh probably why it is a rant. I agree there is almost no way I could really complain. It bothers me that this kind of thing is considered a "team player". Shouldn't that be about work? I mean I am a team player about work, but my persona life, and theirs, is exactly that, personal.

BTW there is an entire movie called "Knocked up" perfectly benign parlance and no, we don't use the conference room to celebrate birthdays, or any room to celebrate those but they are reserved for showers for sure. Oh and no parties for housewarming either.
 
Sounds to me that in the past an incident happened while celebrating someone's birthday at work and an over zealous HR department quickly devised a rule banning such parties. Maybe a large sum of money was handed over which contravened some anti bribery policy (I know some managers at my work are not allowed to accept certain gifts, cash being one). Or maybe it was something as simple as someone getting upset when a more popular staff member received a present bigger and better gift? Or a birthday bet gone wrong. At least with that rule then nobody can claim to be discriminated against and everyone is equal.

And so the rule of no birthdays rumbles on, but baby showers and weddings etc are overlooked - rather than it being a deliberate attempt to discriminate against singles it is a flaky rule that people have just abided by and nobody really knows why.

I personally don't think it's something to raise your head over parapet about but if you do want to celebrate then you could just sound curious and say "why was the birthday ban introduced" might give you a better ideal what it's all about
 
h3donist said:
Sounds to me that in the past an incident happened while celebrating someone's birthday at work and an over zealous HR department quickly devised a rule banning such parties.

That could be the case. We used to get our birthdays off (or if that was impossible we could do another day) but there was a crack down before I joined the place.

I guess I am feeling a little better about it.

Concerning the idea of everything being split for two, yes, that irks me. When the gay marriage stuff was happening I guess my resentment was the super celebration of two people. You are only someone if someone wants to marry you in this society and that is kind of the antithesis of everything this country is supposed to be about. The individual. Your rights aren't given to you because you are with someone, they are with you because you exist. But anyway... I still say when I retire I am going to start a website just to hook up people who don't want to get emotionally or sexually entangled but want to pretend to be to "win" / win economically, socially, etc. Which I still say many people informally do now but just don't say it outloud.

If you haven't seen Murial's (sp) Wedding you have to. That movie is a complete indictment of the "you are only someone if you have someone who wants you."
 
It doesn't make sense that baby showers, and I guess maybe bridal showers as well, are held there... but simple birthday celebrations are forbidden? Bringing someone a cupcake and a balloon is way less energy and effort than throwing a shower for whatever reason. I don't think it's really discrimination against single people, because as SofiasMami pointed out, single people can have babies and kids, and for the simple fact that being single doesn't mean one will disagree with the notion or policy. And not being single wouldn't mean that someone was all for it either. I don't think that has anything to do with being single, really. That's just a matter of personal opinion.
 
I think it's unfair that the swingers clubs discriminate against male singles, and only allow single females and couples. LOL! :)
 
It sounds more like you work in a place that holds [specific] organised parties than an office. It also sounds to me like they're all deluded or best buddies, I cannot understand why you'd want to celebrate such a thing with work colleagues, either. I dunno about you but I like to keep my life separate.
 

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