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Jun 22, 2015
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I feel so lost in life, and in myself. Everyone in their twenties seems to be off doing things but I have almost no idea what I'm doing, either career wise or in my personal life. I just graduated this year (at 27) and I feel very late to the game, I see lots of 18-21 year olds who have their life together. I used to have a few close friends but they have all drifted away over the years, it really sucks. I think if I didn't have my parents to go on days out with I would become cut off from society.

I don't know if it is normal to be this effected by lonliness. A lot of people my age or younger just seem to get on with it. Are some of us born sensitive souls? I still remember instances from years back where I had opportunities with girls, for example, and I still rue all the missed opportunities.

I need to pick up the pieces of my broken life but it seems like the hardest thing ever - after all how do you change the habits of a lifetime? I can see glimpses of how I might change, but it will require time, confidence, money and probably luck. I guess what I do (or don't do) now will effect the rest of my life, so I better get my act together. Someone give me a slap and tell me its no too late, please? :club:
 
pancakes_online said:
Someone give me a slap and tell me its no too late, please?
It's never too late.

I've known people in their 50's and 60's who have changed their lives, sometimes starting all over. I'm sure there are people in their 70's and above out there who have done the same.

Being in your 20's is nothing. You're still very young.

You should stop looking at "everyone else" your age and worrying about what they do or don't do. Everyone has a different pace in life.
Besides, most people in their 20's are in your position even if you don't realize it, so many of them are are just as lost as you are. So maybe you could reach out to some of them? Worth a shot. What do you have to lose?
 
There's a song called "everyone's free to wear sunscreen" that has the lines

"Don't worry if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Some of the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't"

Basically means that the people in the early 20s who "have their lives together" will eventually envy you. You are young and free, life a clean slate. Lots of people who are shackled down in a job they hate to support a wife and kids will dream of having the world at their feet like you have.

So no it's not too late - never too late. You are just at the very beginning. Don't be afraid, be excited, be fascinated by the world! Breathe it all in. Find out what you want to do, getting your dream job, an interest that you thought you've always wanted to take up. I was moderately interested in photography so I bought a second hand camera off ebay and went photographing all sorts of things, now I love it and bore people to tears with my photography exploits lol.

Join meetup.com and find interest groups in your area, and if there isn't one - start your own! Put yourself out there and people will come :)

Don't focus on getting a partner - that will come naturally when you least expect it but you must get yourself out there for people to notice you - whether that's joining a group or a hobby or going on a singles holiday or do what I do - dye your hair and walk round a supermarket! lol It's a great opener for conversation if nothing else.

Just be the best online pancake you can be :)
 
Its Never too late! Never!!!! :)
You can certainly not be lonely while being alone.
Many of us so called loners are this way for a variety of different reasons.
Some of us chose to be loners so we can stay true to what we hold very dear, others simply taking this time to reinvent thereselves.
While others are not willing to conform to certain societal norms and its just taking us a bit longer to find or maintain friends.
Whatever the reason, there is no wrong reason for being alone! You are the captain of your destiny and you can change its
course at any time!

The key is staying true to yourself and doing whatsoever it is that makes you happy! :)

Like everyone has mentioned so far, go out and do things with people that is similar as you
you will find them. Even if you don't right away you will gain good practice networking again
and the skills you have in deciphering the difference between good genuine people versus fake people will
stay ever so sharp!

I realize everyone defines friendship very differently,
we can all agree no one wants to be around people that are fake with you.
Fakes always saying all the right things around you... so you can continue to give them rides somewhere or let them
continue to come over so they can raid your fridge and never offer to be considerate in return.
No one wants moochers and unreliable flakes like that as friends.

Everything will work itself out, I don't even know you and I believe in you. I think you will get exactly what you really desire. Peace!
 
Thanks for the replies guys.

Funny you should mention meetup.com. My sister told me to join that but I feel unprepared. I never feel like I am 'ready' to socialise, yknow? There are things about myself that I want to improve.

Lowering the tone slightly, I'm going to give Tinder a go. I have never had a lack of interest from the opposite sex, but I spend most of my time holed up in my room. Again I have never felt ready to date, so maybe Tinder could be more informal.
 
It's never too late!

Also, there are very few people that actually have "it all together".

Talk to peers your own age, they all feel the same....honestly!

I'm older than you, I totally feel as though I don't have it all together and wonder when its going to happen, and my friends of the same age feel the same way...even married, with kids and houses etc....

We all feel that way, at all different points in life. embrace where you are now, and enjoy the ride!
 
pancakes_online said:
I feel so lost in life, and in myself. Everyone in their twenties seems to be off doing things but I have almost no idea what I'm doing, either career wise or in my personal life. I just graduated this year (at 27) and I feel very late to the game, I see lots of 18-21 year olds who have their life together. I used to have a few close friends but they have all drifted away over the years, it really sucks. I think if I didn't have my parents to go on days out with I would become cut off from society.

I don't know if it is normal to be this effected by lonliness. A lot of people my age or younger just seem to get on with it. Are some of us born sensitive souls? I still remember instances from years back where I had opportunities with girls, for example, and I still rue all the missed opportunities.

I need to pick up the pieces of my broken life but it seems like the hardest thing ever - after all how do you change the habits of a lifetime? I can see glimpses of how I might change, but it will require time, confidence, money and probably luck. I guess what I do (or don't do) now will effect the rest of my life, so I better get my act together. Someone give me a slap and tell me its no too late, please? :club:
A lot of my friends are close to your age and are only about to graduate next year. Plenty of people graduate a little later than the usual 22 and I (and most likely a majority of people) don't really see it as a disadvantage at all. I doubt many 18-21 year olds have their lives in order. I'm nearly 22, coming up to the final year of my degree and I'm far from feeling completely secure about my future but am slowly coming to the realisation that this is normal for quite a few people and it's not necessarily a bad thing to not have all the answers at the present time.

With regards to loneliness I've also struggled with not feeling quite up to the standard compared to other people my age but I think this can be worked on. Friends come and go sometimes and this can't be helped. It's definitely not too late for you! You're young and haven't begun your career yet. I've been told that life only really begins after graduation so you've a lot of time ahead to sort things out, find your perfect career, wife etc. You seem like a nice guy; I think things will fall into place nicely for you if you just keep your head up!
 
I think sometimes life works in reverse, with all the relationships coming later. For me, the "good"-ness of my life really improved in my 4th decade. It is DEFINITELY not too late.

I have had exceedingly good luck, for which I am grateful. But alot of my better life came from getting closer to who I am. The more I am me, the less lost I feel.

You must feel a great hole in your life, now that all that hard work is over, and you've graduated. But don't flail at it. You are right about time, confidence, money and some luck. You will have all of these. But you also need a big portion of patience. And kindness to yourself.
 
At least you went to school for something. I'm in the same boat, but without a degree.

I was the guy that always worked odd but interesting jobs, never really found anything I wanted to do for longer than a few months. Always thought I'd figure something out and find a job I love. I'm now in my second month of being a forklift driver in a very large warehouse and I hate it. I'm beginning to think homeless people are on to something.
 
Excuse the video - it may be a little harsh but the lyrics may fit...

[Video=youtube]
 
I too believe its never too late! I had to change my career and go back to school at 28 and somehow everything worked out. So dont stress too much about that! As long as you work hard, things are likely to fall into place.

As for friends and partners, admittedly it would be difficult to meet anyone if you dont go out and do stuff or put yourself out there so to speak. So yes, do try to get out of your room more often :)

What really helped me was volunteering. I have a new groups of friends now and from there ive met other people. And because we all work towards a good cause, I feel connected and less alone. Worth a shot maybe?

Good luck!!
 

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