Modern mores, Tinder etc

This article made me think of ALL, as many of you (also guys) complain that it's difficult to find a relationship with social media and stuff

http://mashable.com/2015/08/24/millennial-sex-online/?utm_cid=mash-com-main-link

After reading it I feel really depressed, and 1000 years old

I mean, no judgement, but it that all there is out there for you people in your 20ies?

what do you think?

Yeah that's pretty much it I think. Other people on here can feel free to disagree with me.

Peaches said:

I mean, no judgement, but it that all there is out there for you people in your 20ies?

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Well, personally I fall into the LTR category:

Of course, many millennial online daters are still looking for an LTR (long-term relationship) even though they feel adrift in the current sea of DTF.
...
For a millennial seeking a serious relationship, this reality becomes increasingly disheartening.

"You can usually pick those guys out pretty quickly," says 31-year-old New Yorker Barbara (a pseudonym) who just moved to the city and describes herself as going from a "romantic at heart" to "well, he hasn't spit in my drink so I guess that makes him a total catch." "At least they're being honest about what they're after. What I have a problem with is the guys who sell themselves as 'looking for something more' but actually just want to [ejaculate] on your face. Sorry, too descriptive?"

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I had to look up 'DTF' and 'NSFW', lol.

I don't want to speak for everyone, but for me it has been very difficult and depressing seeking someone who is not just out to get laid, or doesn't expect it after a date or two. They seem to be one in a million.

Of course, I couldn't possibly say what the reality actually is, only what it has been for me.

Peaches said:

This article made me think of ALL, as many of you (also guys) complain that it's difficult to find a relationship with social media and stuff

http://mashable.com/2015/08/24/millennial-sex-online/?utm_cid=mash-com-main-link

After reading it I feel really depressed, and 1000 years old

I mean, no judgement, but it that all there is out there for you people in your 20ies?

what do you think?

Click to expand...

Totally disgusting. I am on a different planet to those people.

As a guy, I see the problem this way.

Either the women want someone confident for all things akin to a "quick fix". I'm not confident. I know from experience women find me either unattractive, or creepy and stupid (if I get a chance to interact) I just have nothing to offer, and with that there's nowhere to take confidence from.

And when it comes to the LTR type of deal, everyone gets very very picky. You don't want to settle for something mediocre, when you could otherwise have "good things" every once in a while. Someone who might have settled for me if things were still as in the past, now has much much better options.

I think in the future, you will have lots of lonely people with low confidence for whatever reason, that never ever get to have sex or relationships. And you will have people with more confidence that has lots of sex with each other. But very few of them will form old fashioned relationships.

A lot of relationships tear people down, so perhaps people not having to settle for them is a good thing. Or not. We'll just have to see.

Not surprising. I've known for awhile now that people's primary interest in other people is utility-based. It's not the sex that bothers me, really, it's just that it's an extension of the problem where reaching out to others is all about something you want that person to give to you--their body, their sympathy, their money. Grab human, use human, discard human. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I think many people looking for a romantic relationship are doing that, where they're more interested in the feeling of being loved, praised, and validated than they are in who they're getting that from. Before they ever know a person they have an image of who they want them to be that takes priority over the reality. At least honest sex is honest.

Human beings have been commercialized, though. We're all products now, you just may or may not be able to buy us with money.

Tealeaf said:

...
I think many people looking for a romantic relationship are doing that, where they're more interested in the feeling of being loved, praised, and validated than they are in who they're getting that from. Before they ever know a person they have an image of who they want them to be that takes priority over the reality.
...

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Very well said. People wanting validation, more than a partner. And I agree. In this particular case just wanting sex is IMO less egoistical.

Peaches said:

I mean, no judgement, but it that all there is out there for you people in your 20ies?

what do you think?

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I hear you. It is depressing to see that's how a lot of people out there think. I always knew that a lot of guys thought this way, but to see that a lot of women are really like that too, it's sad.

See, I am and have always been someone who has been looking for a relationship, for a lot of reasons.

To start with, the fear of STDs are one reason that I don't think I would ever want to take part in the hookup scene. I mean, the bad ones haven't even been cured yet. I don't see how people can be so cavalier about this, especially when you have a lot to lose. YOLO is right - you do, as far as anyone can tell, only live once. All the more reason not to throw it away on something so meaningless.

For two, but I just don't like being overly forward and so bluntly sexual that I'd feel like I was beating someone over the head with it. It's just not my style. I make it a point to NOT be that way, because I really don't like it when people do things just to "go there", to see who can be the most scandalous. It seems very adolescent to me, the mark of a low-class, low-character person. I pride myself on NOT being dirty, on having a little dignity and class.

Besides, I actually want to get to know someone. I want to feel that I am with someone special, and not that dating and sex are another throwaway experience, like going to the bathroom or commuting to work. It's true that I don't want to waste time, but to me, hooking up with people that are probably not what I am looking for is the real waste of time, when I could have used that same time to do something towards being with someone who means something to me. I actually like all the getting-to-know-you stuff, I want to have long walks on the beach, all-night conversations, looking at the stars, make memories, and have a real connection.

Oldyoung said:

Either the women want someone confident for all things akin to a "quick fix". I'm not confident. I know from experience women find me either unattractive, or creepy and stupid (if I get a chance to interact) I just have nothing to offer, and with that there's nowhere to take confidence from.

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How can you have "nothing to offer"? Perhaps with the LTR stuff it's very easy to get screened out... it even makes sense, in that case, because you're looking for something that will last and you want it to be with the right person.

With shorter-term arrangements (if you're okay with it, and I don't mean to imply you should be) you simply cannot "have nothing" to offer. If you really think you don't, then you can gain the skills needed. Look your best.. make exercise a priority. Learn/improve skill in something you enjoy.. will confer more confidence, eventually. If you're socially slow and awkward, get out there and expose yourself.. make conversation.. improve these skills.

Nobody has "nothing" to offer, though. It's that thinking that's your problem more than anything else. With the steps above and defeating your negative thinking, at some point you will find that some women will find you attractive, and then you take it from there.

Peaches said:

I mean, no judgement, but it that all there is out there for you people in your 20ies?

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It depends a lot on culture and place too. I don't think that's at all the norm where I live, or in a lot of places in this region. In addition to that, apps and sites like that are blocked in several countries I've been to. Which I believe is fortunate, otherwise they would be less chance for relationships to flourish once 'hookup culture' took a hold of a place. The ease of availability of sex negates the need for any real connection since that's all people think they want in their twenties. It depends on personal values as well, of course.
Try everything on, discard all of it because you're always looking for the next best thing and don't want to be bored. Settle for marriage, divorce because you miss the variety, realize you're no longer in your twenties and don't have the same mindset, remain miserable. That's how I see the future for the 'quickie' generation in places where this happens.

Batman55 said:

Oldyoung said:

Either the women want someone confident for all things akin to a "quick fix". I'm not confident. I know from experience women find me either unattractive, or creepy and stupid (if I get a chance to interact) I just have nothing to offer, and with that there's nowhere to take confidence from.

Click to expand...

Nobody has "nothing" to offer, though. It's that thinking that's your problem more than anything else.

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Also, this. You aren't any of the adjectives you've used OY. But if you keep thinking it, you'll definitely face problems.

Aisha said:

Batman55 said:

Oldyoung said:

Either the women want someone confident for all things akin to a "quick fix". I'm not confident. I know from experience women find me either unattractive, or creepy and stupid (if I get a chance to interact) I just have nothing to offer, and with that there's nowhere to take confidence from.

Click to expand...

Nobody has "nothing" to offer, though. It's that thinking that's your problem more than anything else.

Click to expand...

Also, this. You aren't any of the adjectives you've used OY. But if you keep thinking it, you'll definitely face problems.

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+1

ladyforsaken said:

Aisha said:

Batman55 said:

Oldyoung said:

Either the women want someone confident for all things akin to a "quick fix". I'm not confident. I know from experience women find me either unattractive, or creepy and stupid (if I get a chance to interact) I just have nothing to offer, and with that there's nowhere to take confidence from.

Click to expand...

Nobody has "nothing" to offer, though. It's that thinking that's your problem more than anything else.

Click to expand...

Also, this. You aren't any of the adjectives you've used OY. But if you keep thinking it, you'll definitely face problems.

Click to expand...

+1

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This. I see this in my country as well. Wherever I go. People in my age (20's) do not understand the meaning of 'love', these days. They think a relationship, or 'love', means you have a partner you can snog, have sex with, play with, and so forth. While, real, true love goes way beyond that. People focus on the wrong aspects of a 'relationship' nowadays. I can honestly say that a lot of people I encounter say they have relationships, but in truth, it is nowhere near a real relationship, nowhere near real love.

Of course, real relationships and real love do not have a written definition, and experiences and expectations can be different for anybody, but the current generation ('quickie' generation, as Aisha said) has the most narrow-minded ideas. Call me old-fashioned, even though I am also from 'this' generation, I would prefer things in the old ways. I find real love, respect, and deep admiration for eachother way more important than having sex, etc. Of course, I would love to have sex with someone, especially since I am still a virgin. However, I value true friendships, and true love (and love also exists in friendships where the other is not your 'partner'!) above all else. No sex or anything of the sort has to be involved, in my opinion, whereas nowadays ... look at it. It's going from 'bad to worse'.

Tinder, second love, Ashley Madison.. nowadays, there eve are people and websites advocating adultery nowadays. Where has the value gone?

People are more often than not seen as toys, to be acquired and discarded to some people's whim and the only thing a lot of people look at are their 'attributes'. Deeper interests are hard to find, in most circles. It's disgusting and infuriating. I want something real, not something shallow-minded which just offers some vague form of fleeting contentness. Will I ever find it? I think not. I myself do not have much confidence either, and I often want to get to know people much better (I have to, if I real love even has a chance to develop in me).