I feel a little depressed because I'm an ugly female...

Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.

Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.

The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?

And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?

I'll just ask you one thing. And advise you to apply it to every point you made in that post.

Did you try your best yet?

Looks -> Clothes, haircut, etc. These don't have to take much effort but may improve your looks. You don't need to look like a model.
Not sexual -> You're not intimidating that way. Also, see it as an interest. Not everyone has the same interests, sex included.
Uninteresting -> Could you challenge yourself more? Learning skills and experiencing new things always means challenging yourself.
Low self-confidence -> This is a symptom. Not a cause. Fix other things with your life.

Good luck.

lovableplatypus said:

Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.

Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.

The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?

And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?

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Why do you think you are ugly ?
What is so wrong with you ?

I have always thought very, very few women can be called ugly. They have beauty products, can wear nice clothes, get their hair done etc. Plus personalities, a nice smile goes a long way, a cheery outlook is very appealing. My theory is there is at least one nice thing about every woman. Always. Women are just attractive.

NO ONE is ugly.

loveableplatypus, I believe you if you say that your appearance doesn't conform to society's preconceived notion of beauty. However, I'm not buying into the notion of ugliness....I'm sensing that's a self imposed value judgment on your part.

My advice (easier said than done, I admit) is try and feel a little better about yourself somehow. A bit of self confidence and self valuing will be apparent to the rest of the world. Common sense grooming and dressing as you pursue your chosen occupation and you're not going to be awkward shy and horrible.....so follow the dream! What have you got to lose?

What makes you boring?

Dear lovableplatypus,

Argh, I wish I could give you a hug. Reading your post took me back to my younger years when I felt pretty much the same way.

Based on what you've said, I think whats happening is that all your insecurities are overwhelming you and you're seeing yourself in this completely negative light. Its all being balled up into one huge negative self view.

I agree with the other members, there's no such thing as an ugly looking anything. Ugly is such an extreme word that can only be used to describe horrible acts of cruelty. Here's the thing though, you may feel unattractive by social standards, but that doesn't make you ugly. And the truth is, everyone feels unattractive sometimes, but we all make an attempt to fix it.

You're probably not as unattractive or boring as you think you are. Don't worry too much about sexual desire, that can change very easily when you meet someone. I think the main issue here is your lack of self confidence. Its making you see yourself in a very bad way.

But the thing about confidence is that, its something one needs to work on. Few people are born confident and remain that way their whole lives. For the rest of us, we've had it crushed at some point and are working at rebuilding it. Just don't give up okay? Try to embrace change...try to do things for yourself and find a way to like yourself first. It'll be easier to attract guys that way. I know its not easy to do, and it will take a lot of work, but its worth the shot right?

Thank you for your responses, everyone.

I don't really know what to say here... I've been like this all my life. I have absolutely no clue where to start if I want to feel better. Talking about it is so hard. I don't really do that. I've tried though.

I don't think it's the western beauty standards that bother me. It's just the mirror that I don't like. Those people who I consider beautiful are often not those who are seen as attractive by media, sociaty etc. I just don't think it's that what bothers me. I just mostly don't like me, that's the problem.

I often feel bad when people sometimes waste their time on me. I don't understand it. I don't have anything to give. Please, I don't mean to sound like I'm asking for you to say otherwise, I'm just trying to be honest with MYSELF here. These are the things I often don't let myself think over. I guess I just need to write it down somewhere.

Perhaps I just spend too much time on my own and it's become this vicious cycle where I'm so isolated I can't be with people at all. I wonder if this is related to the original issue at all, though I think it is.

"Vicious cycle" might be the operative term here. I was thinking about you LP, this last day or so and the notion of a self reinforcing cycle occurred to me.....just like you say, you think you're unfit for people so you spend too much time alone. The solitude itself is a problem but forming relationships is compromised because you feel bad when you think people are wasting their time on you. And so the circle goes.

Here's an idea: try taking the risk of letting the other people decide if they're wasting their time on you. That bears repeating a little bit....you, loveableplatypus, are deciding for someone else that they're wasting their time. How about letting them decide that? And I admit, it IS a big risk for you.

lovableplatypus said:

I often feel bad when people sometimes waste their time on me. I don't understand it. I don't have anything to give. Please, I don't mean to sound like I'm asking for you to say otherwise, I'm just trying to be honest with MYSELF here. These are the things I often don't let myself think over. I guess I just need to write it down somewhere.

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Don't take this the wrong way but, after reading this topic I feel that being honest with yourself is exactly what you're NOT doing.

Instead of seeing things for how they really are, you more seem to be trying to convince yourself how you think they are or how you feel they are. You seem unable to look in that 'mirror' and see the person who is truly standing there and instead choose to see someone else. The distortion between reality, your idealism, and your pessimism, causes you to only see ugliness instead.

Now you might be thinking, how do I get all that from just this topic? Well, I'll admit I'm generalizing. I've met so many people with the exact same issues as you describe and it's pretty much always the same thing causing it. Some of these people are wonderful people, and many are even physically attractive or at least most of them were conventionally decent-looking (beauty is very subjective, though), but all they see of themselves is failure, ugliness, and etc. You know the gist of it, I'm sure.
Over the years I've met so many of these people that I'm... just not even surprised by it anymore. In fact I used to be that way, too, when I was younger.

The issue is always with their self-esteem. Usually it's the result of being trivialized by someone they grew up with, or in school at an early age. Other times it's been through self-trivialization due to circumstances in their childhood and/or upbringing. Sometimes simply because of a lack of friends or socialization. A few times I believe it was because they were horrible people refusing to face the reality that they truly were ugly, not aesthetically but emotionally. They could only face this reality on a subconscious level.

I'm not going to say I know what the root of your problem is, nor how to solve it. But perhaps you already know at least what has caused some of this, why you feel this way about yourself. Maybe you're willing to share it, maybe not. We can't know anything more than you tell us.
But, if you want or need help then you must be willing to open up. It doesn't have to be to everyone here, but you need to find someone. That's all I can tell you for now.

lovableplatypus said:

Perhaps I just spend too much time on my own and it's become this vicious cycle where I'm so isolated I can't be with people at all.

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Heh... In a way I can agree with you, in another way I can't.

I understand where you're coming from. Loneliness and seclusion bring about this... 'change'. You do not necessarily even need to have any problems. Humans just simply seem to adapt to their environment better than their desires or feelings would suggest they need to. It's rather odd.

The low self esteem mostly destroys your ability to get out, as well. Telling yourself that you're not good enough to accomplish it, to succeed at adapting to the world outside. So it forces you more inward. And it spirals, uncontrollably, and it becomes a void.

But I don't need to know you to know that you are able to accomplish this. You are strong enough, and you are capable enough. You would not be here posting this otherwise. This is not a permanent situation if you do not choose for it to be one. The trouble is only getting out of this situation long enough to realize this and defeat it before it returns to drag you back down again. It is a struggle, and not easy, but there is a light at the end of even the darkest tunnels. One has only to brave the darkness to find it. That light is within us all, so long as we allow it to glow. So just find your light.

Other people are so easy to talk to once you've realized yourself and faced reality.

Nobody is ugly. Seriously. Get a nice outfit. Good fitting clothes. Hair and makeup. If you don't know how to put things together, just people watch awhile at the mall and look at other women with a style you like and get some ideas on how they put things together. And, nothing makes someone more beautiful than a warm smile.

And, having passion for life and confidence. I understand that you don't feel that right now. But, I truly think you should try to find something that really intrigues you and allow yourself to enjoy. I often talk about cooking because I really enjoy the challenge of learning a new recipe. Yeah, sometimes they don't turn out but so what? I love to LEARN new things. I think that if you try to just put forth some effort in your appearance and find some of the joy of life then all those other things will come together for you.

wait until you are an ugly OLD female... ok, just kidding
Considering the percentage of people in this forum that say they are ugly when they are all but (around 95%) it's very possible that you are not actually ugly, and even in that case, as Triple Bogey says, there is always room for improvement -if the problem is that you don't fit the current standards of beauty, there still must be countries where Tinder doesn't exist and inner beauty also counts for something, but I am not able to tell you where that is. I usually see the comments "ugly doesn't exist" as kind of hypocrite, because most of humanity do go by certain standards of attractiveness, but there is a story that really makes me think every time:

this guy married TWICE
http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/samuel-parks-hopp-the-frog-boy/
and if you look in his eyes it's very clear how could have that happened
http://www.uclamls.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Samuel_Parks.jpg

PD doesn't hate anything or anyone but there is one thing PD doesn't like at all... when people say they are ugly. Arghgghg. It pisses me off real bad, real bad.

Beauty is in the eyes of beholder

That's the word, it changes from person to person. Goddammit! Stop saying it You're not ugly, Nobody is ugly.
Nobody is ugly in this freaking world

Doh! I wish I could remove that word from dictionary and erase from everyone's mind. Seriously, I don't like that word at all. What I have seen, people give themselves less credit than they actually deserve. Like in your case, tell me don't you feel beautiful in yourself, it's there I know, it's tiny, little bit but always there, it's always inside us. Beauty comes from within, from heart and I know you have a good heart, everyone of us has that. Don't be down on yourself that much, appreciate yourself more. Just because people are not appreciating you enough that doesn't mean you're less than other, You're more than that and you know it too.

Okay, keeping it short. Sorry about getting little Angry, I really don't like when people push themselves down, specially saying themselves ugly, it short circuits my brain and then I start yelling and screaming. And sorry about coming too hard too.

I swear, is like reading a list of cliches in here.

That could be the case, Xpendable....but people seem to be meaning well and that's a darn good place to be coming from.

Peaches said:

this guy married TWICE
http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/samuel-parks-hopp-the-frog-boy/
and if you look in his eyes it's very clear how could have that happened
http://www.uclamls.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Samuel_Parks.jpg

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You got to be kidding, right?

PenDragon said:

PD doesn't hate anything or anyone but there is one thing PD doesn't like at all... when people say they are ugly. Arghgghg. It pisses me off real bad, real bad.

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Is there something the matter with you that you always refer to yourself in the third person?

Xpendable said:

I swear, is like reading a list of cliches in here.

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Well there are other threads you can go to you know. Just saying.

delledonne11 said:

Nobody is ugly. Seriously. Get a nice outfit. Good fitting clothes. Hair and makeup. If you don't know how to put things together, just people watch awhile at the mall and look at other women with a style you like and get some ideas on how they put things together. And, nothing makes someone more beautiful than a warm smile.

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This. Plus I also watched certain reliable videos on YouTube to learn how to put things together or look nice when I was younger and wanted to look better or feel better with my appearance. Nowadays, I just don't really care so much.

constant stranger said:

That could be the case, Xpendable....but people seem to be meaning well and that's a darn good place to be coming from.

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+1

BeyondShy said:

PenDragon said:

PD doesn't hate anything or anyone but there is one thing PD doesn't like at all... when people say they are ugly. Arghgghg. It pisses me off real bad, real bad.

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Is there something the matter with you that you always refer to yourself in the third person?

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*Nods* It helps me understand myself better.

I doubt you're ugly.

I can't understand it though. I'm someone judged as totally invalid by society due to educational failure. That is the kind of thing that people will never forgive, and far more people will get honeysuckle for that than looking bad.

You're not ugly. After all, your handle is lovable platypus.

In all seriousness though, don't be bothered too much by what people think of you. Hope these comments help you.

I hope you find someone LP. You deserve someone that sees you for you. *hugs*