People avoid me because of this

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Do people avoid you after you try to talk about your depression?

  • Yes, I'm in this situation

    Votes: 13 54.2%
  • No, people are there for me

    Votes: 4 16.7%
  • Sometimes this happens to me too

    Votes: 7 29.2%

  • Total voters
    24
L

LonesomeLoner

Guest
I've been going through yet another wave of depression. It seems that everybody I try to talk to about this either abandons the conversation or just ignores it. I feel totally alone and worthless right now.

An example, I said I was depressed to 3 different people online and they all basically stopped talking to me. The fact they did that makes me feel even worse.

Nobody ever checks up on me, to see how I'm doing. Nobody in real life or online. It makes me think I'm worthless and unwanted.

Now I wonder whether to bother even trying to talk about it to anybody, because from all of my experience nobody gives a honeysuckle, because if they did, I wouldn't be making this thread.
 
Sometimes people are depressed themselves and are trying to work on it. Being around depressed people makes it worse. For example, once when I was having depression issues, my dad was going through depression as well. I could not bare to be around him. I wanted to help him, and I love him, but I emotionally could not support him because what I was going through.


Not saying what I did was okay, but I couldn't mentally do it.
 
I'll just say this to the whole topic: Sometimes, people get tired of hearing about something. That being said, it's not always because they don't care. But it's draining. It's tiring to hear about something, time after time, nothing changes, nothing is ever any different. And I would really think that if someone doesn't even want to attempt to change, many people get tired of talking about things and never getting anywhere with it. After a while, it may just sound like complaining. Misery loves company kind of thing.
 
People are afraid of sad people becouse sadnnes is like infection. You just send to people bad energy and they don't want it. Even best friends feel in this way. And you too probably, becouse you're also a human. If someone is always sad there is no way that he gets better without changing this habit. Don't get me wrong, you should talk about it if you need but try to understand others. I'm, for example, afraid that I could hurt somebody becouse I can't understand his problems at all and usually that kind of talking just make more mess. I know what you mean, I also feel lonely with my chaos in head, I want to someone take care of me or just listen whats wrong. But don't forget we're all alone in life. We may have friends, good listeners, nice family, great partner but at last we are individuals. Your life is up to you. As everybody. It's not bad thing, it must be important if life is what it is. This makes it a good learning-machine. I don't want to be too much holistic but i think you know what I trying to say. Take care!
 
I am on the same page as everyone else above.

When I was depressed, I avoided other people in the same position. At first I tried to be supportive but after awhile it became so draining that I just had to stop and deal with my own issues. My friends who were also in the same shoes avoided me as well. Sometimes we want to help but we can only do so if we ourselves have the energy and capacity to do so.

But if you do feel alone having to deal with this, dont think of it as a completely terrible thing. I had no one to help me through my worst phase and in a way it forced me to take charge of the situation. It took baby steps but I can honestly say that I am no longer depressed.

That said, if you can reach out to professionals, you should go for it. Keep your expectations in check though because not everyone is going to be genuine. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get a good counselor.

The other thing is while you may feel alone, youre not. Most of us here have been through it, are still or getting better. Posting on the forum helps with feeling connected. Just dont give up and keep trying ok. Good luck LL
 
I've never talked to many people... which may be part of my relatively positive experience with reaching out. Not a lot of people are very understanding in the first place, and can't offer much in the way of a listening ear when it comes to problems they don't personally experience. Sometimes even with problems they do experience. So it always pays to be selective when it comes to who you trust and open up to, figuring out which people are likely to at least listen and keep what you say private.

I can be wary of people talking about depression, anxiety, or loneliness because of past experiences, though, where I feel I was only used for sympathy. They'd ask for hours of my time, but had none for me or my problems. Or strangers would send me their problems without asking if I could give them some advice, before they even knew my name, like I was just there to dispense and then fresia off with my own inconvenient feelings and individuality.
 
Tealeaf gets it right LonesomeLoner, we're all better off being selective about whom we confide our feelings to. Some people just don't want to hear about it and it's no good for us or them to ventilate our depression in their company.
 
I have to second @Veruca. Sometimes people walk away because they are dealing with depression themselves and have to for their own health. Sometimes people don't say anything for fear of making it worse. Much of the time, people prefer not to be social when going through rough times and may think they are giving you space.

With one of my former friends, we only fed each other's negativity. The worst was when I was going through something myself and she blamed me for not being happy around her and saying I was causing her unhappiness (no, I did not cause her unemployment). You shouldn't have to pretend that everything is okay and lie to have people around you. If they left you, they weren't worth your time, not the other way around.
 
I think that if you need to discuss it and talk about it a lot then I would recommend you find someone specifically to talk too like a therapist or pastor or counselor. People can get worn out listening to the woes of others. They have things going on in their own lives and they can't be expected to be able to take that all in. I think there may be a friend or two you can talk too. But, for the most part, people want friends that help them enjoy life or forget their own problems. Sometimes, you just need to set your pain aside and really just try to live in the moment with your friends. Watch a ball game with them or try to have some moments of fun and lightheartedness. I know that isn't easy if you feel down.
 
I find that either way I go, either path I try to travel, my depression gets worse, and the circle tightens. If I put on a happy face mask and try to get with people and cheer up, I can't maintain it, and the people who thought I was one of them discover how mournful and bleak I am, and walk away. If I try to be honest with them, they run away as if I was waving a chainsaw at them. Even here in this forum, I try to be honest, and a few people respond and try to help, but they can't maintain when I respond honestly and show them the failure. Even here, I drive people away.
 
boonieghoul said:
If I put on a happy face mask and try to get with people and cheer up, I can't maintain it, and the people who thought I was one of them discover how mournful and bleak I am, and walk away. If I try to be honest with them, they run away as if I was waving a chainsaw at them.
this-is-our-society-donkey-edition.jpg
 
People only listen to what they understand. At least I am a firm believer of this. I go through depression all the time and I know better than to just blot it out to someone.. We live in a world of people going through thier own problems, and people who have lived a pretty good life and not even know what suffering is all about. But the people who know what pain is are differnt from people who do not. They are able to look at another's point of view and empathize with them, and even able to help them look inside themselves and actually help someone rather than someone who has no idea what that even is and just says, "cheer up!"
My advice to you is because people stop talking to you, they are not worth your time.. Therefore I suggest you talk to someone either professional, or find someone going through the same thing you are that knows and can relate to you. Be careful who you trust too because people are crazy. You are cared for, and you may not know it but the same thing you are going through, other people are going through the same thing. Be strong, be courageous. You have a purpose, everyone does. If I can fight depression so can you!
 
I tried to explain to my sister about my depression, her feedback was become more friendly and get over it pretty much, I believe a lot of people that never really experienced medical depression think of it as just having the blues not a mental health issue , and you can just shake it off and get over it.
 
Nuke1967 said:
I tried to explain to my sister about my depression, her feedback was become more friendly and get over it pretty much, I believe a lot of people that never really experienced medical depression think of it as just having the blues not a mental health issue , and you can just shake it off and get over it.

Not just with depression, but with any personal issue. It's called "the empathy gap." That's why I try to seek advice from people who had similar experiences to my own.
 
You also need to remember that others may only have enough emotional energy to deal with their own issues.
 
When dealing with depression you definitely find out who your friends are and who actually cares for you. Just saying.
 
Xpendable said:
That's why I try to seek advice from people who had similar experiences to my own.

Seeking people who can think outside of that is also good. It's good to relate to people, and it can make one feel like they're not alone. But if you're only seeking advice from those who go through similar things that you do, it can narrow down ways to handle or deal with situations. It's like wanting someone who's only ever eaten Jello to tell you what ice cream is like. You broaden your tastes, you get a wider variety of experiences to take from.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Seeking people who can think outside of that is also good. It's good to relate to people, and it can make one feel like they're not alone. But if you're only seeking advice from those who go through similar things that you do, it can narrow down ways to handle or deal with situations. It's like wanting someone who's only ever eaten Jello to tell you what ice cream is like. You broaden your tastes, you get a wider variety of experiences to take from.

Let me put it this way: If I'm struggling with money and can't find a way to get on my feet, do I ask the person who made a living from poverty or the person who born in wealth and never had a grasp of the same experience?
 
Jafo said:
When dealing with depression you definitely find out who your friends are and who actually cares for you. Just saying.

I don't think that is entirely true. I think that is a bit unfair to expect that others can handle the weight of all of your issues. Other people are going through things as well. And, others handle their emotions differently. So, I dont' think it is fair to expect that they will handle your emotions in the way you necessarily think that they should either. Some people just aren't good at their own emotions let alone dealing with others. So, I think you are doing a disservice to yourself to simply jump to the conclusion that someone doesn't care about you if they dont' deal with in the way you would.
 
delledonne11 said:
I don't think that is entirely true. I think that is a bit unfair to expect that others can handle the weight of all of your issues. Other people are going through things as well. And, others handle their emotions differently. So, I dont' think it is fair to expect that they will handle your emotions in the way you necessarily think that they should either. Some people just aren't good at their own emotions let alone dealing with others. So, I think you are doing a disservice to yourself to simply jump to the conclusion that someone doesn't care about you if they dont' deal with in the way you would.

I think he meant there's people who immediately show how they don't care what's happening to you. The people that said that you just have to "brighten up" and see you as a burden as soon as you mention your troubles. Again, the empathy gap.
 

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