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Inflated self-esteem
#21
(09-02-2015, 09:17 PM)Wayfarer Wrote: You'd be amazed at how inflated self esteem and low self esteem can actually coexist.

When I was younger I had a huge inflated self esteem.
Then certain experiences caused me to have low self esteem. Now I have both.

The inflated self esteem part keeps people away because sometimes I deem them as not good enough.
However that applies to me too, so I expect a lot from myself. Moreover it isolates me, makes me think like I'm better than other people, when that is not true.
The low self esteem part is the one that brings me down, makes me depressed, unable to talk to people at times, for various reasons.
Since I often don't keep up to my expectations about myself, I tend to get sad a lot.
It makes me feel like I'm not even a person, not even myself.

Yeah it's a vicious combo XD

I recognize alot of myself in this.
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#22
One time I heard a teacher say that having a tendency to defy authority was a sign of low self-esteem. I couldn't take him seriously after that.
I'm actually David Blane.
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#23
Cocky people annoy me. There are a lot of them. People who are pretty proud of themselves for nothing. I think there is a big difference between being quietly confident and content versus the widespread arrogance of people nowadays.
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#24
I did hear a Freud quote (think it was Freud) about how the shy guy is the biggest narcissist in the room because he's so concious of what others will think of him.
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#25
Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours?
When I'm giving people advice and discussing "their" lives, I tend to be quite thorough about it. But it takes a certain state of mind for that to happen.

Do you ask questions?
Asking questions is usually how I try to keep conversations going. Sometimes I just ask to be nice and seem interested even when I'm not, other times I'm looking for information which I can make use of, or just to still my curiosity.

Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people?
Other people have experienced more things than I have, and got more advanced and exciting interests than I can have.

Do you expect compliments and approval often?
Usually not I think. Being respected is important to me though.

Do you feel special?
Well, I am me after all. But I see myself as lesser than most other people in most aspects.

Does other people's opinion bother you?
It does.

Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be?
I don't think so. I do like having attention and influence though. I hate feeling like a ghost those times I'm ignored by everyone.


Very good thread. Important to remember you can fix things about yourself to be more likable.
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I suppose it's sexier to be outright evil than to just be incompetent at being good.- mintymint
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#26
1. Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours?
I'd rather people not talk about me at all. I am interested in hearing about them though. Unless it's the same thing constantly on a loop.

2. Do you ask questions?
I try. It's not always easy, particularly if the other person isn't giving you anything to work with or gives very stunted replies.

3. Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people?
I think you can find common ground with everyone, if you look for it. And even if you feel you don't have any shared ground, it's still fascinating to learn and grow from the experiences, knowledge, and interests of other people or just discuss and debate general topics.

4. Do you expect compliments and approval often?
I expect acknowledgement and appreciation. I don't think that's too much to ask or to give. But like many others here, I find it difficult to understand compliments or to receive them, although I will accept them so as not to be rude. I do compliment others often though. Maybe that's hypocritical. As for approval, I would only seek it or want it from my parents, since they're the ones who've got me to this point.

5. Do you feel special?
Like other people have said, who isn't special in their own way? So, yes. I've had more opportunities than most people have had or will have and thus far, I've not had to worry about certain things that would be a constant worry for many. I have had my own troubles, but I'm grateful for what I do have.

6. Does other people's opinion bother you?
Not often. But when it does, it really does. I will obsess and obsess and obsess.. But not usually with opinions of strangers. People I care about, maybe.

7. Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be?
When I was much younger I used to be paranoid about that whenever I was out, to the point where my family would tease me about it. But I'm at the point where I'm only too grateful that no one notices me, because I like being in the background. If someone does notice me, it comes as an unpleasant shock to realize I'm not invisible. Don't notice me, senpai. :\
This doesn't apply to friends or family of course. When I'm with a group of friends, I don't seek attention, but I have no problem with it.
Primum Non Nocere
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#27
Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours?
sometimes, if i find the person is cool to hang out with, i want em to know more about me too.
Do you ask questions?
speaking in general, yes i do.. but mostly id rather find out myself than asking somebody.
Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people?
well, there's always one or two its never none, but still make no difference i think.
Do you expect compliments and approval often?
well you absolutely cant deny that you'd feel great, but mostly they are just being dishonest, so i dont expect em.
Do you feel special?
hmm, i dont think so.. im more like a weird and inhuman kinda way :/
Does other people's opinion bother you?
yes it does, especially if they know nothing about me it will just make me sad *sobbing
Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be?
:/, most of the time yeah, even though i think they are not but my mind keep thinking that they are insulting me (wtf) :/ quite and peace is a place for me, but sometimes bar/club can be noisy but that's different.

nice thread btw, :/
Club[Sorry if my english is bad, since is not my first language]Club
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#28
-Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours?

I love finding out as much about a person as I can, specifically when we can get to talking about it on our own, as it shows a sense of intimacy and trust. And in that case, I definitely want someone to match my interest at the very least.
I feel so starved for someone actually interested in me from my whole life, nothing makes me happier than having someone show genuine and even fervent interest and I kinda get lost in it sometimes, haha. Again, it's something I've craved for so long.

(And paradoxically, I absolutely detest sharing or opening up when it comes to people I have no interest in, or for obligations, like in a classroom or something like that.)


-Do you ask questions?

How else would you find out about someone? I might also pepper in lead-in words/terms when talking, to hopefully try and see if they respond to it and can gauge their interest in that topic (to hopefully then discuss in the future too!)

-Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people?

All the time. My life is so vastly different from others', especially offline, I halfway am looked at as something other than human, or at the very least someone of lesser experience because I like nerdy things, which have a stigma to them.
Yet, I am fairly good at adapting and going with the flow, and have enough either empathy or experience to still be able to make chitchat with most people I meet for it to be a nice casual conversations before we part.
I can make acquaintances easily, basically, to which I maintain fairly friendly rapports with people.
However weird they might think I am, or even how little they might understand me, one thing is, they never forget me. I seem to be very memorable.

-Do you expect compliments and approval often?

Honestly, only when I feel I earned them, and I don't get angry to not.... but more-so upset.
An example is, say, you put all your effort into writing something you love. You wrote it just for yourself, but you want to share it too, and hopefully have others like it to your same level. I think just about anyone would want to hear those same feelings from someone else, and get hurt if the opposite happened.
Or, say, if you're interning at a new job and you know you're not very good at it, but you're trying your hardest to learn and you are slowly getting it. To then have your boss acknowledge it with a "Hey! You got it!" or "Nice job!" is so rewarding, and it makes you strive to commit even more.
....And, from experience, it hurts all the more when you don't get anything; you almost feel like you're not improving. I worked with a guy who used the "No comment means good comments" and to me, I just thought the opposite; that I wasn't doing a good job and he hated my work but wouldn't say it.
But basically I don't just EXPECT it for no reason, for doing the bare minimum; that kind of pandering level.

-Do you feel special?

I feel there's not anyone exactly like me.... but that's true for literally everyone. I think every single person has something amazing to offer, but it takes the right people to see it.
So, no; I don't feel I'm anymore more special than anyone else.

-Does other people's opinion bother you?
Opinions of what? Me, or about anything else?

The former, I've long since stopped caring what others who don't matter in my life think of me. I like being my weird self and have fun with it; and I've found new levels of self confidence when I can truly be myself and not have to alter or mute who I am because I care I might not impress.
Everyone I admire can or has done this in their life.

For opinions on other things; I do get annoyed when people agree or disagree with things I find blatantly obvious. Almost akin to incredulity of "OH COME ON, PEOPLE." So, to a point, other opinions can rile me.

-Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be?

Not all the time, but I generally find myself inside everyone else's heads more than my own, wondering how I must look in third person. Most people describe being 'outside your eyes' as a rare occurrence, yet it's almost a daily one for me. I know to most I'm probably just that weird person or whatever, haha, but I generally do like wondering what other people could think about me.

And this is what made my anxiety so crippling years back, in that I thought all eyes were locked on me and so any slip up, freak out, etc.... would create that much more dread and thus anxiety. Fear you'll freak out with paradoxically MAKE you freak out.... in front of everyone, rinse, repeat.


Man, my answers are weird and almost need asterisks on them, since they deviate a lot from what I think the original point of them even was, haha.
[Image: giphy.gif]
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#29
Interesting. I can relate to this, although I don't know if inflated self-esteem is quite the right word to describe it. But I am self-absorbed and I do feel as though I am 'special'. I don't know how uncommon this is though. I remember I once read something about narcissistic personalities and was a bit freaked out by how well it described me, but then I realised that it was an equally good description of practically everyone else I know.

Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours? Yes, but I don't let anyone know this. I am secretly nosy but I come across as disinterested.
Do you ask questions? No.
Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people? Yes.
Do you expect compliments and approval often? No.
Do you feel special? Yes, but not in a good way.
Does other people's opinion bother you? Yes.
Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be? Yes, yes, yes.
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#30
Are you interested in other people's lives as much as you think that they should be interested in yours?

My life is actually quite boring, and unless I'm trying to make friends, vent, or take a love interest, I'm otherwise a pretty private person. If I don't know someone well enough, or if I've just met someone there's....a certain set of things that I just won't tell people that I meet in person, or subjects that I try to avoid having to talk about in a face-to-face situation. Such is how I'm from a lower class family of drug addicts, my parents included. It's easy for me to say that online behind a public forum under a user name that I don't use anywhere else, because it feels more like writing a letter to me, or creative writing. But in person, unless I'm close with a person enough to trust them already to have that conversation, or if I don't feel like they'll judge me for it, that subject otherwise won't come up...unless it has to, like when I take up a new job and people are trying to get to know me and wonder why I'm 30 and single and live with my family again (I'll give you a hint...it looks like a black hole, and it's been chasing me since birth...that's what having addicts for direct family members is like). If I do have to bring it up professionally it's subtle, and rather obvious that I don't want to talk about it in detail because that's not a conversation that's easy to have in a professional environment anyhow and is somewhat inappropriate for work.


Do you ask questions?

Offline, or in a Skype session with someone I'm comfortable with and while getting to know them? Yes.
Online? Not as much so. A lot of people seem to be more emotionally-charged online, whereas I'm more emotionally relaxed online.
This is gonna be kind of a fucked up thing for me to say, but: You know that old movie cliche of the old man reading the paper in the morning over coffee? I do that with the internet and social media, but mostly with Wikipedia pages or whatever it is that I'm researching at the time.

Do you think that you don't have common topics with most people? 

Oh I don't think I don't have common topics with most people, I know I don't have common topics with most people. I spend most of my time between my thoughts and my books. I'm creative, imaginative, conceptual, and somewhat philosophical so I'm aware that I'm pretty strange. It actually causes me a great deal of social anxiety and pretty much always has.

Do you expect compliments and approval often?

Definitely not. LOL. I expect rejection and slander. I expect a lot of people to give me a confused look and then whisper among themselves: "Did anybody have any idea wtf he just said?" Because THAT, actually happens. I find it somewhat humorous though. I also expect to be continuously taken out of context by someone who, for whatever reason, decides in their own mind that they just don't like me, and that's okay.

Do you feel special?

Nope. I'm just a guy.
A creative, nerdy guy, but still: just a guy.

Does other people's opinion bother you?

I try not to let it...because if I do let it bother me, it will...and I make it a point to try not to invite discomfort into my life so easily like that.

Do you think that everyone looking at you all the time? That you may be in center of attention? Do you really don't won't be?

When I was younger and would go to the grocery store with my physically handicapped mother, I developed a bit of a phobia because it felt like lots of people were looking at me in passing as if something was wrong with me or something. I was already a quiet introvert with developing social anxiety and those kinds of public experiences didn't help. I remember going ahead to get groceries because I could move faster on foot just to get us out of the store faster because of how uncomfortable I began to feel with it. It definitely didn't help if I knew I looked like total shit that day while that was happening and I caught the looking eyes of a cute girl. My social anxiety levels as an introverted and creative teenager would go through the roof at that. I didn't actually learn how to compose myself in that situation until I was about 24 or so.
"Of Fire in Nature, Love in Spirit unkenned,
Life, hath no axle, no spring, and no End"
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