I broke someone's heart. What do I do?

Okay, first, let me mention that this wasn't done with malicious intent. I had to tell someone I could not be in a relationship and as I feared, it seems to have had serious consequences. She's a friend of mine, so I don't want her to feel bad, but I don't know what to do. So I actually have a few questions:

Is there anything I can do to help? I know by saying no to the relationship I'm somewhat to blame, so I don't know how or even IF to help. (In case it makes things worse)

Pardon the selfish question, but since she's a friend of mine, and since she is part of a larger group of my friends, should I expect to lose those friends? It's more to prepare for the worst should it arrive.

Thank you for your answers and I apologize if this thread offends anyone at all.

There's not really much you can do to help her. Did you explain why? Giving her a reason is probably the only thing that will do anything for her. Even then, she will likely need time and it's not out of the equation that she may not want to continue the friendship because of being hurt. All you can do is give her space and time.

As for the friends, that would be up to them really. There's no real reason why they can't stay friends with both of you and if you have a good reason for saying no, I'm sure they will understand...that is, of course, if they are actual friends.

Without knowing more details it's hard to say. Don't know this other person and what she's like. So there might not be much you can do.

As for these other friends, depends on where their loyalty lie, if they are more friends with her then yes you may lose friends, if they are more your friends maybe not. Some may make up their own mind and still try to be friends with both. It all depends on how difficult the two of you make it for everyone. Like if either of you start to try to pull these friends away from the other, convince them that the other party is the bad one, or try to sabotage each others plans or just make it uncomfortable if you are in the same place together. Not sure the age group of these people, just usually the younger the worse and more dramatic they make things. Though some never grow out of that as they age.

Sorry it went bad, hopefully everything works out.

Why don't you want a relationship? An inability to acquire one is probably why many of us are on this forum, to begin with...

There's not much you can do. As Callie said, as long as you've given her some kind of reason..
I hope you can stay friends, but this is really up to you both. I know for experience that it's difficult, but still possible.

And as Sci said, unless the friends are young or immature, if they are your friends they will stay regardless.

Batman55 said:

Why don't you want a relationship? An inability to acquire one is probably why many of us are on this forum, to begin with...

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I hardly see why it matters whether he wants one or not, just because most of the people here do.
I don't want a relationship either. I've turned down guys because of this in the last few years. This is a lonely forum, not a jilted person forum, people don't have to meet certain criteria to be lonely....

Thank you for the advice and for being honest about it. Looks like the situation's getting a bit better, but I guess only time will tell.

Batman55 said:

Why don't you want a relationship? An inability to acquire one is probably why many of us are on this forum, to begin with...

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I know I cannot hold a relationship, and I know if I commit to a relationship and then break up with the person, it will leave her in a worse state than if I told her from the start. Considering the reactions I've seen in break-ups, I think the risk of losing a relationship is too big and the consequences too serious. Because of this, I try to avoid going further than a friendship with people, since when my friendships end, it's usually less painful for me and the other person.

Mr Seal The Albatros said:

Thank you for the advice and for being honest about it. Looks like the situation's getting a bit better, but I guess only time will tell.

I know I cannot hold a relationship, and I know if I commit to a relationship and then break up with the person, it will leave her in a worse state than if I told her from the start. Considering the reactions I've seen in break-ups, I think the risk of losing a relationship is too big and the consequences too serious. Because of this, I try to avoid going further than a friendship with people, since when my friendships end, it's usually less painful for me and the other person.

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I'm glad things are improving. I think dealing with this situation is about being able to give the other person closure (about how its not them, and you...so they don't feel like they're a terrible person and that's why they've been rejected), but also about giving the other person space and time to move on. I might try to talk to the person and explain my reasons and then tell them that I was going to give them space. And that I still think highly of them as a friend and hope in the future at some point, the friendship can start again.

Hmm, as for feeling like you can't hold a relationship....well, I don't want to assume anything. I'm sure you have good reasons, but on the off chance that the reason you're refusing people is purely because you want to spare the hurt, then I'd say that while this is a thoughtful notion, its probably not going to be beneficial.

I used to be this way, I would avoid getting into a relationship because I'd always be thinking about how the other person would get hurt if it ended. But this is self sabotage. We can't hold ourselves responsible for others' feelings. The only time I think we can do this is if we knew the other person was emotionally unstable and we took advantage of that, or if we manipulated the other person.

If we get into a relationship and stay honest and clear about our intentions, then if it does end, it just does. Its not selfish. We can of course try to make the break up as easy as possible for the other person by doing it in a considerate way.

Again, this is just my opinion on the matter. I'm saying this because we shouldn't stop ourselves from taking chances because we never know where they may lead. We may end up helping others as much as they may end up helping us.

Either way, good luck with this friend yeah.