Seriously Scared for My Sister

I am in a conflict within myself at the moment, and this is a long post, sorry.

My little sister is one of my best friends, and by far my favorite family members. During most of her adult life, she has been depressed. She bounces around from place to place, and at first in her new places, she is happy. Then she gets back down in the dumps. She has been to 2 counselors that I know of, and each time she just changes her lifestyle drastically to be "happy".

At this time she is living in a small lake cottage my father bought. She pays my dad $300 a month to live there, and he pays all the bills except for internet and tv. I was so proud of her, because she got a new job heading a bakery in a grocery store, where she make a good wage, got health insurance, and they would pay for part of her schooling if she chose to go back. The problem was, she would go to work, go home, and go to bed afterwards.

Sunday my dad called me because he went to her house because she hadn't paid him rent for 2 months. It wasn't that he needed the money, it was the principle of the situation. He went to her house when she was suppose to be at work, and found that she was there. It turns out she hasn't been working for a month now. Meaning, Labor Day weekend, when she left early to go to work, it was a lie. She has been lying to all of us this whole time.

She then went on to tell my dad that she couldn't get out of bed for a week straight, and hasn't left the house. And she quit her job because people make her anxious and that there is "something wrong with her head"

Now I understand the signs of depression, having spells of it, but my personality is that I can't take feeling like that anymore, so I can usually pull myself out of it. I believe my sister is in a much deeper depression than I have ever been. And I am now to the point where I am scared.

My dad has decided to stop enabling her. She actually stole money from him, and again, it's not the money, it's the principle. My dad always gives us money when we need it. Anyways, his lake cottage is down the road, and he changed the locks so that she can't get in his to get food or take money, or whatever she does, and didn't tell her. I fear that she is going to go to my dad's cottage, needing something, and find out and it make it worse.

I told my co-worker/former teacher about the problem, and she suggested that I take a family illness day and go up to see my sister, and take her to the doctor.

I somewhat agree, and I want to do that since my sister admitted she had a problem. But on the other hand, I don't want her to get pissed off at me for butting in.

So I don't know what to do. I'm just scared.

Scary situation, for sure. Sadly, there's not much you can do except be there to support her (not financially, of course). Honestly, I would just take a personal day and go talk to her. Find out the root of the problem and suggest to her to see someone.

With that said, could it be MORE than depression?

Whatever you decide, good luck and I hope you can help her.

This was me when I left university. Tons of anxiety and depression and all that. Just stopped going. I couldn't force myself to go anymore. I'd sit in bed all day every day and still do nothing. Same lies. It's very hard to admit your shame so you try your best to cover it up. Until you get found out. Most suicidal time of my life. Panic attacks. All of that crap. I'm probably not helping your worries. But yeah, keep a close eye on her. Maybe have her move in with parents or family for a bit.

Wrong thread. Deleted.

Wrong thread man

ardour said:

This is about status dressed up as legitimate concerns. Certain members want the forum wiped clean of losers so they’re “lonely” buddies will flock back and make it all cliquey and exclusive.

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Really?? Care to make a list and pass it around so we know who to hide from when we log in here each day?

Please don't hijack someones thread with nonsense. Keep on topic.

Well those of you that are commenting helpful comments, thanks. I hate this. My little sister once threatened to commit suicide before and now I feel like she has it much worse.

Kamya, she has tried the whole move in with family thing, but my mom and dad tell her to go to the doctor, and my dad requires her to have a job.

I just hate this. I can't stop thinking about it, and it just keeps upsetting me. I love my sister, I don't want anything to happen to her.

I'm very sorry. My comment was meant for the 'Commentary on ALL' thread (now closed).

Nicolelt said:

I somewhat agree, and I want to do that since my sister admitted she had a problem. But on the other hand, I don't want her to get pissed off at me for butting in.

So I don't know what to do. I'm just scared.

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You're her big sister, it is kind of your job to butt into your younger siblings life. I mean that in a good way not a bad way. This is one of those things where you need to butt in. It might just be what she needs. Take your co-workers advice and take a day off to go help your sister.

Nicolelt said:

Kamya, she has tried the whole move in with family thing, but my mom and dad tell her to go to the doctor, and my dad requires her to have a job.

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That doesn't work for some people. If my parents did that to me I probably wouldn't be here anymore. If she was able to have a job and function properly then she wouldn't have this problem in the first place.

Forcing it isn't tough love. I can see the worry of not wanting your kid to rely on you or not wanting to get taken advantage of. But some people need it. They really cannot handle the world. If I didn't have support for the years where I was basically a leech on society, I wouldn't be alive today. I can promise that. And I am far better off for it today too.

Everyone is different though. It just depends on the person what is going to work or not.

kamya said:

This was me when I left university. Tons of anxiety and depression and all that. Just stopped going. I couldn't force myself to go anymore. I'd sit in bed all day every day and still do nothing. Same lies. It's very hard to admit your shame so you try your best to cover it up. Until you get found out. Most suicidal time of my life. Panic attacks. All of that crap. I'm probably not helping your worries. But yeah, keep a close eye on her. Maybe have her move in with parents or family for a bit.

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^ that sounds like a good idea, especially if your family is like it sounds, supportive and close. When you feel like that all that you would like to do is be alone, but in fact having others around, even bothering you, can do some good at least at a level of distraction (nice others, not terrible others).
If you used to be best friends, she won't be pissed - although she might take a while to admit that she has a problem. Remember that in the end it's her decision, but knowing that you and the family are there for her can make a world of difference. My impression: I understand that changing the locks in the house was for the principle, and that letting her take money is not building anyone's character, but I think your dad should better be extra attentive for a while to make her forgive such a thing (which if I was in your sister's shoes I would see like a lack of support).

Again, taking the time to try to talk with her is key, and possibly also talk to your parents? Also, maybe she has a problem of some kind (boyfriend/friends, didn't like the job, other things?) and needs to talk about it, and it's not "something wrong with her head"?

Do you remember why/in what context she tried to commit suicide? Ah, no, she threatened only, that's very good...
hey, fingers crossed that everything turns out OK, hang in there

Your sister definitely needs help and support. Your dad's way of handling things-locking her out of the lakeside house and not giving her money for food and requiring her to have a job if she lives with him-is placing the bar far too high for her. As Kamya said, if she could function, she would function.
She is lucky to have you in her life, as you care about her so much. Taking a day off to go and see her is a good idea. If she does get pissed at you for 'butting in,' it will only be temporary. One day she will look back and be so glad that you did 'but in.'

Should confirm whether or not your sister got some mental illness. Sometimes these things go undiagnosed, and then no matter how good their situation is they break down.

Anyhow, good luck to you (for the helping out) and your sister (for getting better).

Well, here is the update.

My dad is going to let her live in the house rent free, and since he is up there every weekend, buy her groceries and fill her car up with gas for the week. So he is supportive, he just doesn't want to enable her with money.

I called him yesterday and told him that I wanted to take the day off and take her to the doctor and he was one step ahead of me. He set up an appointment for her and is taking her there. She said she got an appointment, but she lies about things like this to us. So dad is making sure she is going to both.

Oldyoung said:

Should confirm whether or not your sister got some mental illness. Sometimes these things go undiagnosed, and then no matter how good their situation is they break down.

Anyhow, good luck to you (for the helping out) and your sister (for getting better).

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I wonder if she has something now. My stepsister has borderline personality disorder, and some of that my sister is doing sounds the same. In two weeks I have fall break for a week. I think I may go up there and take her shopping or something.

Good for your dad, sounds like you have a good supportive family there, you are blessed.