Thread Rating:
  • 3 Vote(s) - 3.67 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Have you ever found "The One"
#1
This is exclusively about romantic love and super long too Smile

For me, I can totally said that I never had even a good copy of it. Even though I'm 21 years old and I still have many years ahead of me. I'm throwing the towel but not because I gave up on love.

Since we were born, or family members and basically everyone told us how one day we will meet this amazing person and everything will be butterflies & rainbows. Romantic love was not an option but something that life own us. They were no doubts or questions, we were guarantee we will all have it.

But then you start dating and all this illusions and hope you have for love fade cruelly once reality sinks in. You get obsessed when you see couples together, only to find out most of them constantly fight, are together because kids or financial problems,because they are to lazy to start dating again or because they are afraid of being alone. Then we see bad people who cheat & do horrible stuff to their partner yet they always found more people to love them whole hearty.

And we are in a corner, thinking how much we want an unconditional love, cause we know what is to be alone, unappreciated, and we know how much it hurts. Everybody is looking for companionship, genuine love, someone who won't judge you and you can talk about anything. We are like this people, yet when people come into our life and we accepted the good and the bad they just step on us.

I have only had three relationship of about three months each{I know Sad}The first one we were just totally different in every single aspects of our life. I keep fighting for it until reality left no more room for fantasies & dreams.

My second relationship was with a guy who has the same taste & and lifestyle as me. And I though he was the one. Only to find out he cheated on me.Told his mom to pack my stuff and tell me we were done and the next day he let her in his house. And since we went to the same school, they laugh at my face every time we saw each other. And they even let my friends know their side of the story. And I ask myself: why love is so harsh with me? What did I did wrong? I just want to love and feel loved?

My third and last one was just a nightmare. We were from different cultures, religions. We have the age gap but I though we were looking for the same. I was 21, he was 38. He had a lot fail relationship and was alone all the time (barely no friends). And I though he was going to be mature about our situation and we will bring each other close because of our relationship failures.He should understand what is like being alone and wanting a true love.

I got involved in his every day life activities. I learn his religion and respect it (even though I never convert to it). I show him everyday that he didn't have to be afraid of falling in love again. That I know how much it hurts being alone and I will always be there for me, through thin and thick.

He made me believe he was talking with his parents about us, since my age was going to be a shock for them.Only to find out three months later his family was arranging his marriage with another girl. He told me he would go for it, cause he never choose good partners and he left that decision to his parents. I had to see him everyday, flirting with other girls in front of me, texting this girl and saying out loud how she was the one and how he didn't need more time to know her cause once you know, you know. He went a weekend to see her parents and arranged the wedding. Her parents didn't agree and the wedding was cancel. Now he came back ashamed and trying to be nice to me and talk to me. And I just think to myself, how low can he gets? That just shows his disrespect towards me. Did he honestly think I will be back after he left to pursue another one. Screw you. Now I am so disgusted every time I have to see him.

But I have to thank him for being my wake up call and seeing my mistake for the past two other relationships. I loved them more than me, and put them before me. So I decide to take a break from dating and getting the stupid concepts of love I had since I was little. I'm taking the time to date and love myself and to see who I really am. Because I know once I am the person who loves herself the most, romantic love will just be an option not a necessity.

1.What about you?
2.Have you ever found the one?
3.If so, how did it happen?
4.If not, when was your wake up call and what makes you think is not for you?
5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?
6.Do you still secretly want to find it?
7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?

ADVERTISEMENTS
"We were a match made in heaven until all hell broke loose"
Reply
#2
1. hmm, not comparable to your love story, i never had a real life love romance.. by far all of em is long distance relationship, i never to get to know em in person(eye to eye) through chat/cam/call that's it :/.
2. i would love to,actually there's one time that i feel like i've found one, but they just really dont care about it.
3/4. well , basically she left me hanging :/, and left to where we would never see each other ever again.(another country), i was dreaming about her alot and couldn't sleep well whenever im about to see her.
5. alot of em, by far more than 10 that's really close to me.
6. i used to think about it, but nope.. i was trying really hard and there is not even a single answer about it.
7. hmm, i dont really understand the concept of love is, so i think they are in the same page as before.
Club[Sorry if my english is bad, since is not my first language]Club
Reply
#3
No I haven't. And I think even the most compatible of couples will never have a relationship that is always a bag of roses. The trick is just to find the person you are most compatible and have the least issues with.

So I don't really believe in a literal concept of "The One."

ADVERTISEMENTS
Reply
#4
1.What about you?
I agree that I don't really believe in a literal concept of the ONE. But I do believe in true love. But I don't think love is EVER a need, it's want. If you feel it is a need, you NEED to work on yourself before you go looking for someone else.

2.Have you ever found the one?
I have had true love twice in my life.

3.If so, how did it happen?
The first time....he ended up with a friend of mine and I ended up with a friend of his so we could double date. About 2 weeks went by and we got together. Personal circumstances forced us apart, but I'm still in contact with him.
The second...well, I met him with a group of friends. His friend wanted me, I didn't want his friend, so I ended up kissing my ex to get the friend to back off. We dated, we married (said friend tried to stop it), had kids, insert his alcoholism and other shit and that forced us apart. We are better off apart than we were together.

5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?
Quite a few

6.Do you still secretly want to find it?
Hmm, that's a tricky question, because I know how much work it involves. A relationship would be nice, of course, but I'm not in at a point in my life where it's a good idea. So, I don't think I care either way if I find it again or not. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?
My idea of love was a lot different way back when. It wasn't unconditional, it had many conditions. I guess I've learned that you can't control love and it should be unconditional regardless of what happens and how you want to feel.
My idea of love is that if it has conditions, it's not really love.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: 17vcow.jpg]
Reply
#5
- Have you ever found the one?
Nope, just had many (one sided) crushes.

- How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?
Some. More than one would expect.

- Do you still secretly want to find it?
Not even too secretly XD I just don't admit it to other people, if they ask.

- Did your concept of love change through the years? What is it now?

This is a complicated question. It did change. Weirdly, I started thinking I had to find the One, and say no to everyone else. When I got to 20 yo, I started thinking instead that any would do. Then my reasoning changed again and again.. but it never settles.
I agree with TheRealCallie that love should be unconditional.
I do have a need to "receive" love but probably my need to "give" love is way bigger. I want to be able to make that one person happy and to be happy just because that person is happy. I know it sounds naive but this is what I feel.
Reply
#6
1. "Because I know once I am the person who loves herself the most, romantic love will just be an option not a necessity."
Romantic love is not a necessity to begin with. But I understand what you mean, and working on yourself is definitely important.
"I loved them more than me, and put them before me." I'd be a little wary about doing that in at the beginning of any relationship.

2. Sure. I've found The One. But I'd prefer to find The Only.

5. Many. It's not a myth. =P I saw it all the time growing up.

6. I don't secretly want to find it. I would like it. It would be nice. But I'm not searching or attempting to find it. I guess if I wanted keep it a secret from anyone, it would be from the busybodies in my extended family who will try and do try to set me up anyway.

7. My concept of love.. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have given and received it. But I've never analysed it over the years to be able to tell whether my idea of it has changed. I did see a comment about what romantic love really is on an unrelated article though, that resonated with me a long time ago, and that I saved because I do that with any comment or quote or idea that makes me contemplate or feel or question.
"When I was young and stupid and very much in love, I had a discussion with my paternal grandparents- now long gone- about love and commitment. They were married 55 years. They were very clear in impressing upon me one important thing: Love is not a feeling. Those who go into marriage or other long-term committed relationships with feelings as a guide are destined for heartbreak. Feelings change with the slightest whim. They can be - often are - erratic, irrational and nonsensical. To base a relationship on something so nebulous is simply not smart. Rather, they said, love is a decision. You will not always feel love for your partner. That's okay. In fact, it's healthy. Some friction allows for partners to grow. It also allows people's priorities to remain flexible. One cannot reasonably expect one's partner to be #1 on the priority list all the time. Sometimes the first priority will be work, or kids, or community involvement, or brothers/sisters/parents. If you've based your relationship solely on the feeling of love then you're bound to be bitter when you're not #1 on the list all the time. But when you've made the decision to love, everything changes. For the better. That's what they said. And I have to agree."
And I agree as well.
Primum Non Nocere
Reply
#7
Have you ever found the one?
I don't believe in "The One". I feel that people come into our lives for a reason and a purpose.... Many people will come in and out of our lives, and you can't help who you fall for.

How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?
Do you mean love themselves as individuals, or love themselves as a couple?
I think you need to find peace and acceptance within yourself ABOUT yourself to sucessfully be open to love from another As, well as give love to another.


Did your concept of love change through the years? What is it now?
I used to think that love had to be like it is in the "movies". Guy sweeps me off my feet, we are all in love, sappy and romantic and we live happily ever after.

NOW, love to me is accepting each other fully, faults and all. unconditional, not needing to put on "airs" for each other... jsut being yourselves at all times. I know this may sound a little vauge.. I just don't need all the fairytale bullshit that I thought I once did.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
Reply
#8
(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 1.What about you?

When I had my first relationship, I thought he was the One for me. But I was wrong, and after that relationship onwards, I stopped thinking it as such. Now I just think that the One is the person I end up with (if I do) till the end of my time in this world.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 2.Have you ever found the one?

Due to my views on who the One would be, no, I don't think so.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 3.If so, how did it happen?

N. A.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 4.If not, when was your wake up call and what makes you think is not for you?

Well it isn't for me to find or identify someone as the One. Until I know for sure that he's the last person I'd ever be with. My wake up call was when I ended a 5-year long relationship. Having planned the future, marriage, housing (heck, we looked at house plans together too).. I thought that was it. But it wasn't, so, I think I can never be sure until I feel entirely safe with the guy and I know that there could be no one else.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 5.How many couples do you know that actually love themselves?

I know quite a number, in real life and online.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 6.Do you still secretly want to find it?

Not at the moment, no.

(09-22-2015, 11:59 PM)Eliraven Wrote: 7.Did your concept of love change through the years?What is it now?

Yes. I used to think of love being something mutual I'd feel with someone which would then lead to us getting married and having children, building a family. That's the whole package that comes with love.

But now, I don't need the whole package. I think if two people love each other, and they know it between themselves, there is no need for anything else. I feel like having each other is complete enough for an entire package.
Reply
#9
I'm gonna live as a hermit and die a virgin. Asexual for life represent.
"Life,
its beauty is magnificent.
It breaks my heart to know that I will die
before I have experienced
everything there is to experience."
-P.L.R.
Reply
#10
test 
Quote:- Did your concept of love change through the years? What is it now? [/b]
This is a complicated question. It did change. Weirdly, I started thinking I had to find the One, and say no to everyone else. When I got to 20 yo, I started thinking instead that any would do. Then my reasoning changed again and again.. but it never settles.

I always though that the first guy who show interest and the feeling was mutual is because we were meant to be together. No questions asked & our relationship was guaranteed to last... Did that in all my three relationships. Oh boy! Didi I learn the hard way...

(09-25-2015, 11:23 PM)Danielle Wrote: Did your concept of love change through the years? What is it now?
I used to think that love had to be like it is in the "movies". Guy sweeps me off my feet, we are all in love, sappy and romantic and we live happily ever after.

NOW, love to me is accepting each other fully, faults and all. unconditional, not needing to put on "airs" for each other... jsut being yourselves at all times. I know this may sound a little vauge.. I just don't need all the fairytale bullshit that I thought I once did.

I actually think this is my concept of love as of right now Wink

(09-25-2015, 07:25 PM)Aisha Wrote: 7. My concept of love.. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have given and received it. But I've never analysed it over the years to be able to tell whether my idea of it has changed. I did see a comment about what romantic love really is on an unrelated article though, that resonated with me a long time ago, and that I saved because I do that with any comment or quote or idea that makes me contemplate or feel or question.
"When I was young and stupid and very much in love, I had a discussion with my paternal grandparents- now long gone- about love and commitment. They were married 55 years. They were very clear in impressing upon me one important thing: Love is not a feeling. Those who go into marriage or other long-term committed relationships with feelings as a guide are destined for heartbreak. Feelings change with the slightest whim. They can be - often are - erratic, irrational and nonsensical. To base a relationship on something so nebulous is simply not smart. Rather, they said, love is a decision. You will not always feel love for your partner. That's okay. In fact, it's healthy. Some friction allows for partners to grow. It also allows people's priorities to remain flexible. One cannot reasonably expect one's partner to be #1 on the priority list all the time. Sometimes the first priority will be work, or kids, or community involvement, or brothers/sisters/parents. If you've based your relationship solely on the feeling of love then you're bound to be bitter when you're not #1 on the list all the time. But when you've made the decision to love, everything changes. For the better. That's what they said. And I have to agree."
And I agree as well.

That's a really interesting way of seeing love. I which I could be like you when it comes to it. Just enjoy it while you have it and don't try to analyze it too much.
"We were a match made in heaven until all hell broke loose"
Reply


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  She found someone new.. mugiwara.no.jackie 1 1,129 09-14-2019, 08:05 PM
Last Post: Yeti1980
  Online dating...found someone I knew kuro 11 5,777 01-01-2017, 06:45 AM
Last Post: kuro
  I found someone and I met them on here WallflowerGirl83 26 4,769 12-18-2014, 09:27 AM
Last Post: WallflowerGirl83
  Shit! I think I found someone! Hawx79 148 28,268 11-23-2014, 08:07 AM
Last Post: Triple Bogey
  Found my Mojo (ranting included) Senamian 0 1,265 04-26-2014, 01:33 PM
Last Post: Senamian
  I Found my Childhood Dog SophiaGrace 11 4,874 06-19-2013, 10:11 AM
Last Post: ardour
  Lost, not Found Broken_n_Lost 10 3,216 03-25-2013, 09:57 PM
Last Post: Broken_n_Lost
  Found Someone Drew88 20 3,893 08-11-2012, 12:27 PM
Last Post: Drew88
  i Spent my life in hacking , i found myself alone NoComment 3 2,028 06-16-2011, 09:13 AM
Last Post: IgnoredOne
  I found that a lot of women...hate men with body hair... Luna 65 42,332 01-05-2011, 11:52 AM
Last Post: Badjedidude

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)