Should I try to contact an old friend?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

bookworm1979

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 12, 2010
Messages
94
Reaction score
1
Location
New Jersey
I'm going to do it anyway, LOL, but I just want to see what everyone else's opinion is.

I haven't seen one of my old friends from high school in about 16 years (not too long after we graduated). I can't remember exactly why we stopped talking (I feel it was probably more my fault than hers--I was immature at age 18), but I'd like to see how she's doing and, hopefully, we can start a new friendship.

So, does everyone think I'm crazy to try to contact her after all these years? And has anyone else tried doing the same thing, and, if so, how did things work out for you?
 
Do it!.

I also start contacting my friend from high school. It has been 5 Years. It was as if time hasn't passed. We start texting each other's more frequently as well as calling each other. We also plan going out more often. Surrender yourself with people that loves you.
 
BW, I think you should. In fact, it happened to me just last weekend...it was the other way around, but I'm so glad I heard back from my best friend. I moved away, to south Florida, back in 1990 and just lost touch with my best friend. He got a hold of me through my sister and asked if he could get my number. I agreed, but I never heard from him in two months time.

Anyway, last week he called me and we just started talking and it was like there wasn't a 25 year gap in our friendship. We (me, him and his wife) met a diner and had breakfast. We talked so much, we were there for nearly two hours...the time just flew by. Then again, the waitress sucked and we didn't get our order taken for nearly 20 minutes, but it was okay as we had so much catching up to do. I had a great time and we will now start meeting once a month, since they both go golfing in my area.

So yes, you should do it. Good luck.
 
Yeah, you should totally do it. Your friend has probably been wondering how you've been doing all these years as well.
I've gotten in touch with old friends and, like beautiful loser mentioned, it was like we just saw each other the day before and we just picked up the conversation right where we left off without any gap at all in our friendship.
I got back in touch last year with someone I hadn't talked to since the early 80s. (yay Facebook :) )

-Teresa
 
bookworm1979 said:
I'm going to do it anyway, LOL, but I just want to see what everyone else's opinion is.


If you were going to do it anyway why....oh never mind.
 
Wow, I am really encouraged after reading everyone's replies!

I guess the reason I'm asking for opinions is that my self-esteem is beyond low, BeyondShy. I tried contacting one old friend a few years ago on Facebook, but she just blew me off with an "Oh yeah, we have to do lunch some time" and never answered my next reply (she was the one who ended our friendship years before that). I was e-mailing back and forth with another old friend, also a few years ago, but that ended when she disagreed with my choice in political candidates (she ALSO was the one who ended our friendship years before that). So, my track record with friends has been dismal, and I just hope that the friend I want to contact now won't still be angry after all these years because I ignored her back then.

And then I also wonder if she'll even remember me...
 
bookworm1979 said:
So, does everyone think I'm crazy to try to contact her after all these years?
My mother learned about Facebook a few years back. And asked me a similar question. But she did and found so many of her old colleagues and now they are really good friends. So, why not try.

Also, it seems you had problems then, as you mention "It was mostly my fault...." But then you can tell her that you missed her. And thats not a lie because if you wouldn't then you wouldnt think about making contact again.
 
Yes, I can't remember exactly what took place...I think we were supposed to go see a movie and she didn't show up or call on the day we were going, but she DID leave a message a few days later, and she had a good reason for not calling right away...I was just being stupid because it's been ingrained in my brain since youth that you MUST call if you're going to be late, etc., no matter what the circumstances are...I still don't know why I never called her back and hashed it out back then...I think I was overwhelmed with college or something, and, like I said, I was immature, and probably had rejection issues...
 
bookworm1979 said:
Yes, I can't remember exactly what took place...I think we were supposed to go see a movie and she didn't show up or call on the day we were going, but she DID leave a message a few days later, and she had a good reason for not calling right away...I was just being stupid because it's been ingrained in my brain since youth that you MUST call if you're going to be late, etc., no matter what the circumstances are...I still don't know why I never called her back and hashed it out back then...I think I was overwhelmed with college or something, and, like I said, I was immature, and probably had rejection issues...

Don't worry about that. We all make mistakes. Just let us know how it went.Life gave you a second chance, so do it.Good luck!
 
bookworm1979 said:
Wow, I am really encouraged after reading everyone's replies!

I guess the reason I'm asking for opinions is that my self-esteem is beyond low, BeyondShy. I tried contacting one old friend a few years ago on Facebook, but she just blew me off with an "Oh yeah, we have to do lunch some time" and never answered my next reply (she was the one who ended our friendship years before that). I was e-mailing back and forth with another old friend, also a few years ago, but that ended when she disagreed with my choice in political candidates (she ALSO was the one who ended our friendship years before that). So, my track record with friends has been dismal, and I just hope that the friend I want to contact now won't still be angry after all these years because I ignored her back then.

And then I also wonder if she'll even remember me...

BW, maybe third time is the charm and this one will work out for you :) Try not to worry about low self esteem (I know easier said than done) and just do it. If not, you may wonder "what if" if you let it go. Looking back, I do have some "what if" moments and a few of them still get under my skin. And she may be thinking of you as well and maybe a little shy to get the ball rolling. We wish you the best of luck! :)
 
bookworm1979 said:
I guess the reason I'm asking for opinions is that my self-esteem is beyond low, BeyondShy.

That is something I can relate to.


bookworm1979 said:
I tried contacting one old friend a few years ago on Facebook, but she just blew me off with an "Oh yeah, we have to do lunch some time" and never answered my next reply (she was the one who ended our friendship years before that). I was e-mailing back and forth with another old friend, also a few years ago, but that ended when she disagreed with my choice in political candidates (she ALSO was the one who ended our friendship years before that). So, my track record with friends has been dismal, and I just hope that the friend I want to contact now won't still be angry after all these years because I ignored her back then.

And then I also wonder if she'll even remember me...

I don't see how those other two instances were your fault. One gave you the usual "we got to catch up with each other" line and then never followed through with it. Not your fault. The second was over politics, which to me is a lousy reason to fight over.

I have been on other internet forums besides this one for many years now and the most vicious fights I have seen were over politics. I still remember two guys who wanted to meet up someplace just to beat the tar out of each other. Fortunately they never did. I have never been in a political fight before simply because I do not care about politics to fight over it. In fact in my entire life I have never argued about politics. My point is that if someone got angry over your choice of what political candidate you wanted to support they are not worth your time anyway. You deserve better.
 
I say go for it. But try not to feel disappointed if you don't hear back.

That happened to me a while back and I just moved on, I had tried to get in touch with 3 people I used to know, all of them ignored my PMs, I had given them a month so there's not many excuses.
 
I will definitely let everyone here know what happens with my old friend.

LonesomeLoner: I AM worried that I won't hear back from her because I'll be sending a note to her at her parents' address (not sure if she lives with them), but, hopefully, they'll pass it on. I am worried about being disappointed because my loneliness can be overwhelming at times, but I know I can't hang all of my hopes on her. I've just been feeling kind of invisible lately (well, except for bill collectors and people who notice me for all the wrong reasons), and I have to do SOMETHING, plus, I really do miss her as a friend. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and your old friends, but maybe it's for the better.

BeyondShy: Low self-esteem sucks, doesn't it? How does it affect your life (stupid question, right?)? I think it has always hindered me in friendships because I always wait for the other person to call me or decide what we're going to do. I always feel like a nuisance. Thanks for taking my side, :) It's true about political nonsense; the strange thing is that we were basically on the same side, but we weren't rooting for the same candidate (I liked Nader, and she liked Obama back in 2008, so it wasn't even a Republican/Democrat thing). I guess that's another problem I've always had in friendships: feeling uncomfortable stating my opinion about anything.

Thanks for the support, everybody!!!
 
It's not crazy to want to contact an old school friend from way back. She'll probably be very happy and flattered that you took the trouble to make contact. 16 years is a long time so you'll have plenty to catch up on:)
 
kathyjoyce: I hope you're right, :p! I know I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

An update: I mailed a card with a little note in it on Thursday morning, so today the waiting game begins (assuming that she receives the card Saturday afternoon). Now I'm worried that I'll be busy if she does decide to call (my mom and I are going to a movie and dinner today), and I'll miss my one chance to talk to her...I hate my nerves!
 
I'd give it a shot and prepare myself for whatever the outcome may be. If it doesn't work out, at least you can be rest assured that you did your part.

Good luck.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top