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edamame721

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I've been trying to meet up with a friend and a friendly acquaintance for a while now. We finally said we'd meet for Halloween and I did research and even sent links. No one answered and when I went on Facebook, it turns out they had jetsetted to another state and city for a marathon. One of them lost their phone. Neither of them mentioned their plans or told me what had happened.

My friend used to be more responsive but he's been in a constant distracted mood for a long time now. I thought he was even depressed, so I didn't push. He'd say yes to things only to back out with excuses like he didn't feel like it. I'd become worried he was isolating himself (he'd send me random texts, sometimes complaints) but then I'd shortly find out through Facebook he went partying or traveled.

The other person stood me up once because she was tired. We made multiple attempts to hang out, but I was very wary about saying yes to anything unless it was something I wanted to do. When enough time passed without her answering, I just let her know I would go myself.

I feel like I've tried a lot with these people. I know they have their own lives but I feel like I've been patient. I want to give up. I feel constantly undervalued because no one will take the initiative with me, showing they want to and will spend time with me. I still do activities on my own, but now, I barely ask anyone to join me because of repeated rejection.
 
That is frustrating. Honestly, people are very unreliable nowadays. Many people don't really want to make plans or if they do, they will cancel at the last minute simply because they don't feel like it or whatever. I wouldn't take that personally. It just is kind of the way it is nowadays. Invite people to go to things and just go about living your life as well. And, then sometimes you will have company and sometimes not.
 
I wouldn't put much stock into what people put on facebook. Many times they exaggerate their lifestyle or make it seem like they are happier than they really are.
 
Sci-Fi said:
I wouldn't put much stock into what people put on facebook. Many times they exaggerate their lifestyle or make it seem like they are happier than they really are.

That is so true! People often want to portray a certain image on Facebook and other social media sites, almost to the point of being fiction.
As for flaky friends, I agree with delledonne11 - there are a lot of unreliable people out there. It's a good way though to weed out people from your life who aren't true friends. I can't remember the last time I cancelled on a friend. I feel like people I've just met are sometimes surprised when I don't cancel at the last minute, like they were in expecting me to or something.

-Teresa
 
Make new friends. That appreciate you more. If there is a will there is a way.
 
The friend and the friendly acquaintance seem to have made a pretty clear statement with their actions. It might be time to say goodbye to them, which is sad. If it's a matter of an unintended oversight on their part, they know where to find you.
 
edamame721 said:
I've been trying to meet up with a friend and a friendly acquaintance for a while now. We finally said we'd meet for Halloween and I did research and even sent links. No one answered and when I went on Facebook, it turns out they had jetsetted to another state and city for a marathon. One of them lost their phone. Neither of them mentioned their plans or told me what had happened.

My friend used to be more responsive but he's been in a constant distracted mood for a long time now. I thought he was even depressed, so I didn't push. He'd say yes to things only to back out with excuses like he didn't feel like it. I'd become worried he was isolating himself (he'd send me random texts, sometimes complaints) but then I'd shortly find out through Facebook he went partying or traveled.

The other person stood me up once because she was tired. We made multiple attempts to hang out, but I was very wary about saying yes to anything unless it was something I wanted to do. When enough time passed without her answering, I just let her know I would go myself.

I feel like I've tried a lot with these people. I know they have their own lives but I feel like I've been patient. I want to give up. I feel constantly undervalued because no one will take the initiative with me, showing they want to and will spend time with me. I still do activities on my own, but now, I barely ask anyone to join me because of repeated rejection.

This is a very normal problem in today's society, and I can absolutely relate.

Personally, I would've given up in your situation. Sometimes not even your best efforts make any difference, and this might be an example of that.

It's not easy to find others to hang out with, but I think that's what you should try. Best of luck with that though. There are people out there that's more likely to stick around for appointments.
 
Nothing out of the ordinary. I noticed this happening a few years after university - people have their own lives, they're busy with work and their own things. Don't take it personally. People have just naturally diverged.

As others have make new friends who are more aligned with you. Easier said than done, I know.
 
I'm going to stop checking Facebook because they posted again about hanging out. I left them a message on the site to choose something and let me know. If they forget to do so, then I know they don't want to meet up with me and I will stop trying.

I'm going to look at this in a positive way. I'm probably losing a flaky acquaintance and a friend who seemed to reserve his negativity for me while giving his positive energy to others. I have to accept that people change. I just feel really bad because I was the only one who made an effort to celebrate my friend's birthday with him and checked up on him at least once a month when he seemed to be depressed. One day, I'll meet someone who appreciates what I do and will share the the good times with me, not only the bad.
 
Yeah, until a few years ago it was possible to avoid acknowleging directly that others were ignoring me, now social media shove that information to my face - today's costumes are harsh.
You will get true friends who will take time to be with you.
 

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