I am sorry to be such a pain but everything has gone wrong about the Christmas arrangements I made, ie to go to my friend's church dinner for people on their own, and be given a lift there and back. The neighbour I have, who I have written about on here before, said straightaway, when I mentioned in casual conversation about the dinner, that she would come too. She had a small op. last week and I have been helping her with shopping etc as I have been ill myself and know what it is like. I hadn't wanted to get beyond a 'hello, nice weather' relationship with her after some problems we had, but her operation came along and I felt like she needed support from me. She has an adult son who lives nearby and friends who help as well.
But she is very outgoing and can be a bit bossy and I really wanted to meet my other friend at the church alone. We have known each other for 30 years and it would be the first time we meet on Christmas Day. However, I wouldn't want to leave this other lady on her own on Christmas Day either. However, I couldn't rely on her for a lift there and back to the church and if she signs up for the dinner, they will expect her to bring me and take me home as she lives next door, because she might back out at the last minute if another offer comes along. This happened last year, when she had agreed to pick me up at my friend's at 5pm on Christmas day and then come to eat at my house and stay the evening. She cancelled at 8pm on Christmas Eve and said she could pick me up at 8 or 9, which would have meant my friend having me around far longer than planned, so I couldn't go. (My friend is elderly and infirm).
I went to a local drop in centre to ask about their Christmas dinner as I will have to pull out of the church meal with my friend as I would feel too guilty leaving my neighbour alone. The centre is nearby so I could walk there and back if she pulled out at the last minute. I then called in to tell her that we could go together to the local centre for Christmas dinner and she agreed. Then she said that her son might invite her on Christmas Day so she can't be sure about coming. I would prefer, in my heart of hearts, to spend the day at the church dinner with my friend and not with my neighbour locally, but I would feel mean if I did this. Her uncertainty also means though that I will probably end up going somewhere that isn't my first choice for Christmas dinner and on my own as well.
I spoke to another friend on the phone last night about it all and she said that I should be with my neighbour and that her mother would not approve if I wasn't. (Her mother goes to the church in question.) I have been alone for many years at Christmas and neither this friend or her mother have ever wanted me to spend any part of Christmas with them. I have accepted this though it hurt a lot. But it feels very much like double standards to me now.
But she is very outgoing and can be a bit bossy and I really wanted to meet my other friend at the church alone. We have known each other for 30 years and it would be the first time we meet on Christmas Day. However, I wouldn't want to leave this other lady on her own on Christmas Day either. However, I couldn't rely on her for a lift there and back to the church and if she signs up for the dinner, they will expect her to bring me and take me home as she lives next door, because she might back out at the last minute if another offer comes along. This happened last year, when she had agreed to pick me up at my friend's at 5pm on Christmas day and then come to eat at my house and stay the evening. She cancelled at 8pm on Christmas Eve and said she could pick me up at 8 or 9, which would have meant my friend having me around far longer than planned, so I couldn't go. (My friend is elderly and infirm).
I went to a local drop in centre to ask about their Christmas dinner as I will have to pull out of the church meal with my friend as I would feel too guilty leaving my neighbour alone. The centre is nearby so I could walk there and back if she pulled out at the last minute. I then called in to tell her that we could go together to the local centre for Christmas dinner and she agreed. Then she said that her son might invite her on Christmas Day so she can't be sure about coming. I would prefer, in my heart of hearts, to spend the day at the church dinner with my friend and not with my neighbour locally, but I would feel mean if I did this. Her uncertainty also means though that I will probably end up going somewhere that isn't my first choice for Christmas dinner and on my own as well.
I spoke to another friend on the phone last night about it all and she said that I should be with my neighbour and that her mother would not approve if I wasn't. (Her mother goes to the church in question.) I have been alone for many years at Christmas and neither this friend or her mother have ever wanted me to spend any part of Christmas with them. I have accepted this though it hurt a lot. But it feels very much like double standards to me now.