Every woman that I like is in a relationship

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Hauntyoueveryday

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I've been figuring this out lately. It's actually kinda interesting.

So I went to this punk/gothic bar on Thursday. I met this group of women. Two were single, one was had a boyfriend. I went after this one single chick who in some ways is a type of woman I'd really go for. She is a journalist and only writes about deaths, car accidents and stuff like that (her facebook/twitter is the grimmest thing on social network that I've ever since just these updates on bad news). But I kinda like that. She was also into horror films (I love horror films).

I connected with all three of them, but the woman that was taken seem to connect the most with me. We were both virgos. While she wans't into horror films, she liked the same music that I did. I noticed at one point that I got so into my conversation with her that my target was looking at her facebook out of boredom.

I took the bus and wouldn't have gotten back at 5am if I had gone home late so I got the journalist's facebook and went home. I asked her out today. But it doesn't look like it isn't happening. I've made my vibration higher so perhaps I am not as good to the dark chick as I would have been a week or so ago. The virgo was a pretty upbeat chick.

So I thought about it and I've noticed a pattern: all the woman I really connect with are taken in some way.

That virgo has a boyfriend.
An actress that I worked with on a short that I directed has a boyfriend that she lives with. She wasn't perfect. But when we got on set she became the easiest person to deal with and the only person that I really enjoyed hanging around. She was just really down to earth.
A girl that I had a marine biology class with in the spring was seeing someone. She was my type in a lot of ways.
A girl that I had an acting class with and did a scene with in the fall of 2014 had a boyfriend. At that point in my life I could have used a girl like her. She would pick me up in her car when we practiced and she was into racing
A woman that was my manager at a movie theater that I used to work with lives with her boyfriend. She was down to earth, willing to talk about sex, and into anime.

And there are a few others in my history too. I kept thinking and out of the last two years I've liked these women the most (more than women that I've messed). Every other woman that I liked never gave me the feelings that I had around them.

Do I just have bad timing? I wonder why this happens to me consistently?
 
I'd be a bit more concerned how you're referring to these women as objects, you kinda come across as some predator or something, but that's just my thought.

With that aside, maybe it's just a coincidence and you're subconsciously looking to justify why you're still single and not in a meaningful relationship with someone you actually like; remembering the ones in relationships and discarding those who aren't. Or maybe the fact that these women who are in a relationship attracts you because they're committed and content.
 
It's hard to say why you're attracted to women who are already in a relationship without more information. When does the attraction ramp up, before or after you find out they have a partner?

Just curious, what does "I've made my vibration higher" mean?

-Teresa
 
9006: Well I am into pick up and I do believe that the guy is the predator in a sense.

I am not looking to justify why I am single. I don't even want an exclusive relationship to be honest. It's just that when I think about a lot of the women that I've met, the ones that stick out the most that I liked happened to be taken.

Sofia: They just happen to have a partner. And higher vibration simply means this: we are all vibrational beings. A low vibration person is someone who is depressed, does a lot of drugs and alcohol, who stays in all the time, is sad all the time and etc. A high vibration person is at peace, drinks only socially, doesn't need drugs, go out when they want to, and doesn't waste time being depressed. Check out Abraham Hicks.
 
Perhaps you just pick up on the vibes of women who are attached. I don't know. Personally I don't think there's any proper explanation to this. I think it just happens so that you end up being attracted to unavailable women every time.
 
Oh man. I know how that feels. What's even worse is when you meet girls you like and know you could connect with when they are single, and then watch them go to taken in long-term relationships. That really sucks. It's all because I didn't have myself ready in time. I was at a point where I was confident enough to talk to girls, but not confident enough or established enough to attract anyone. When it comes to social skills and dating, I have been a very slow learner. I just wish I'd known who I was going to cross paths with and known what I was supposed to do beforehand.

I'm not going to tell you to "move on", because I really, really hate that phrase, hate that idea of just giving up and accepting your place, accepting that the other guy won and you lost in this one life and now it's all downhill from here and you don't get to have the experience you wanted, you don't get to be fulfilled and happy. You just get to limp through your life with "good enough", "just okay". No thanks.

But I don't know what to do in this situation either. All I can think to do is bide my time, better myself, work on where I was coming up short, live my life and hope and wait. I tell myself, you never know. People that look like they'll be taken forever sometimes become single all of the sudden. I look on the dating sites all the time, and they are full of people who have been in long-term relationships for years. Sometimes people get bored. Sometimes you can make a different impression on someone. I say never give up hope, you never know what could happen. But, you can't look like you're waiting either and you might as well have fun while you wait.
 
TheSkafish: Wow thank you for the reply. You pretty much hit it on the nail.

There is this one particular woman who's personality just drew me in. I can't really get her out of my mind. She was taken ever since I met her. At first I wasn't attracted to her in that way. She is a bit of a plain Jane, super skinny ya know? But after spending hours with her on set and seeing her in this outfit she wore for that character that day I got drew in. But nothing can happen.

I've come to realize that at the end of the day it's really hard to get a woman to love you if you don't have money. I don't have money.

There really isn't anything that I can do. I can only work on myself, my career, and look for a woman. I don't have the time to go to bars and clubs and I am kinda glad. I am done with that scene until I have a car and good amount of money and status. The few nights that I got a one night stand are not worth the many sad nights.
 
Today I was reading something about laying it on the line. I decided go check out that actress's facebook. I don't know why. But I wasn't s moved or impressed as the last time that I did this. She's cute and cool. But there are women who are hotter and cooler out there. I do like that she seems to be working a lot and it kinda makes me want to continue to work hard (she acts in a lot of short films, I would to see her do more and more t.v shows and movies though). She's been out partying with friends and what not. She's just a normal woman.

I feel like I can finally get her out of my head space and make room for someone else. I think that's been holding me back. I've been going around and when I'd meet a woman I'd say "are you (let's call her Amy)?
 
Hauntyoueveryday said:
TheSkafish: Wow thank you for the reply. You pretty much hit it on the nail.

There is this one particular woman who's personality just drew me in. I can't really get her out of my mind. She was taken ever since I met her. At first I wasn't attracted to her in that way. She is a bit of a plain Jane, super skinny ya know? But after spending hours with her on set and seeing her in this outfit she wore for that character that day I got drew in. But nothing can happen.

I've come to realize that at the end of the day it's really hard to get a woman to love you if you don't have money. I don't have money.

There really isn't anything that I can do. I can only work on myself, my career, and look for a woman. I don't have the time to go to bars and clubs and I am kinda glad. I am done with that scene until I have a car and good amount of money and status. The few nights that I got a one night stand are not worth the many sad nights.

No problem. I only wish I didn't know so much about this from experience. It was even worse for me, because I knew all of the girls that I wanted to date when they were still single. It really sucked to watch them go one by one into long-term relationships (with bad-boy douchebags at that) and be powerless to do anything about it besides kick myself for not being able to figure out how to be both myself and what they wanted, in time. Not only were they absolutely stunning, but these were girls that I could actually talk to because we were interested in at least some of the same things and had personalities that made me curious about them. I can't get them out of my mind either, because they were pretty much the kind of girls I've always been waiting for. I don't think it was incompatibility either. I really think I could have dated them, if only I knew how to act when I met them, if I'd only known how to act like a guy who is the kind of person that women want to date. So yeah, I feel your pain.

I think you are right about the money, though. That was a problem I had when I met those girls. I didn't have a job, which means I didn't have money, which means I wasn't going out a lot and doing things and getting lots of new stories, and I also didn't appear to have direction or be in control of the basics in my life. It made me look like a victim and therefore unmanly. Women like guys who seem to at least have the basics covered.

All I can say is keep working on yourself, keep your cool, and you never know what could happen.
 
I can relate to this thread so much..

A considerable number of the girls that I've met and immediately just 'click' with I then find out shortly after to be in seemingly happy, stable, long-term relationships..

It's incredibly frustrating :/
 
Britain said:
I can relate to this thread so much..

A considerable number of the girls that I've met and immediately just 'click' with I then find out shortly after to be in seemingly happy, stable, long-term relationships..

It's incredibly frustrating :/

:( I know how you feel. I still stop and think about it sometimes, because I knew these girls before they were in relationships (with douchebags, at that). I knew them when they were all single, and I know they were at least willing to talk to me, so all I had to do was be the right kind of person. I keep thinking, if only I could have known ahead of time that I would meet them. If only I could have beaten my self-doubt by then. If only I hadn't made such stupid mistakes in presenting myself. If only I had been confident in the first place and if only I had NOT gotten into the various negative thoughts I had about myself, which were entirely self-made and not from anyone else. If I had only known what to do in order to make the right impression, how I needed to be, if only I had my life together, then maybe I could have dated one of them.

I thought about it the other day, and it felt like someone had clenched a fist around my heart and crumpled it up like a piece of paper, into a tight ball. It still makes me sad. I miss those girls a lot.
 
I must apologize before I go on my little ramble here...

Guys never openly approached me before I was with my husband. After I got with him, I had several men come up to me and find me likeable. I think it was the "glow" or the happiness that I seemed to display. Obviously, this isn't the case for everyone. Your post just made me think of that.

When I became unhappy in the relationship, I didn't make eye contact with anyone, so no more approaches lol.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I must apologize before I go on my little ramble here...

Guys never openly approached me before I was with my husband. After I got with him, I had several men come up to me and find me likeable. I think it was the "glow" or the happiness that I seemed to display. Obviously, this isn't the case for everyone. Your post just made me think of that.

When I became unhappy in the relationship, I didn't make eye contact with anyone, so no more approaches lol.

This makes a lot of sense.
 
kamya said:
You can prepare now so it doesn't happen again. :) With the future girls.

I can prepare, but with someone else it just won't be the same. Meeting these girls was my chance, it would have been my big break in the romantic area of my life. It was like when you're in the minor leagues and it's your big day to play in front of the scouts, or when you're trying out to get into the band that becomes huge. I could have won big if I'd only had the right stuff then. For years, I knew I wanted someone like them but didn't know anyone like that actually existed - only to find out they were real. That we had stuff in common, stuff we could talk about. And that they actually noticed and talked to me. Those girls were beautiful, fascinating, passionate, so alive. They were really special.

I've never met anyone like them before or since. I've looked around, and people just don't look, think, and talk like they do. But with someone else, it'll just be going through the motions, all the while I'd be wishing I could have been with the ones I wanted instead and thinking if I can do the work of connecting with and attracting someone now, why couldn't I have done it when it mattered? I'll always know that I'm not going to do as well as I could have done, and if that is the case, it's easier to just keep doing nothing. It's hard for me to muster much enthusiasm for someone that I know isn't going to make me feel the way they would have.

And yet, not being happy was one of the reasons I failed to seal the deal. I wasn't as good of a version of myself as I could have been because I wasn't happy. And I wasn't happy for the same reason as always - because I was afraid I was fundamentally mediocre (which seems to be at the core of most of my problems.)

Anyway. I know you meant well with your post, and thank you for doing so. I'm sorry I had such a downer response. But that's the way I feel. Maybe someday there might be some girls out there I could like, but I don't think anyone will make me feel the same intensity.
 
TheSkaFish said:
because I was afraid I was fundamentally mediocre (which seems to be at the core of most of my problems.)


That is exactly how I am.
 
Maybe you're more at ease and open with the women already in relationships and that allows you to see them from a different perspective? Because the thing they all have in common is that they're in relationships. Maybe you should analyze it from that angle. Perhaps it's sort of a subconscious way to protect yourself so as not to allow someone to become that close if there is the possibility of an exclusive relationship, which you mentioned you don't want. Or maybe you really do just have bad timing. I don't know. I'm not attracted to people in relationships, but I do kind of get the appeal of the unavailable especially when you aren't ready for a relationship. I'm pretty sure the guy I sort of like right now is gay. Also, try not to objectify women and avoid coming across to the single women you like as a predator, as someone said earlier. That would probably help quite a bit.
 
Women have ZERO idea on what it takes to attract a woman. So any advice that a woman can give on dating is useless.

Sorry.
 
People you socialize well with, often socialize well with others too. So they can easily get into relationships. Maybe you'll have to dig for gold where it isn't already ready for picking.
 

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