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Jafo

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I recently ran into someone I grew up with. He was a year older than me and would always make fun of me due to my weight. He was a bully and I've never forgotten the things he would tell me. I ran into him at my barbers and he was telling me about his life. How he's divorced but sober now. He said it was good to see me and that it was good I was still in town. He told my barber that we grew up together. I then proceeded to tell him how much I hated all the torment he put me through. He said he was sorry and that was a long time ago. I told him I've carried this with me my whole life(I'm 41 now) and his new outlook on life doesn't change my view on him. He then got this depressed look as if he finally realized what his past actions have done to people. So to those of you seeking redemption, remember that it comes with a price and things aren't always sunshine and rainbows after you feel better about yourself. I will never forgive this guy or any other people who bullied me as a youth. And I let it be known to them. Sometimes the damage is not repairable.
 
Jafo said:
I recently ran into someone I grew up with. He was a year older than me and would always make fun of me due to my weight. He was a bully and I've never forgotten the things he would tell me. I ran into him at my barbers and he was telling me about his life. How he's divorced but sober now. He said it was good to see me and that it was good I was still in town. He told my barber that we grew up together. I then proceeded to tell him how much I hated all the torment he put me through. He said he was sorry and that was a long time ago. I told him I've carried this with me my whole life(I'm 41 now) and his new outlook on life doesn't change my view on him. He then got this depressed look as if he finally realized what his past actions have done to people. So to those of you seeking redemption, remember that it comes with a price and things aren't always sunshine and rainbows after you feel better about yourself. I will never forgive this guy or any other people who bullied me as a youth. And I let it be known to them. Sometimes the damage is not repairable.


Good for you. You should have beat the honeysuckle out of him too.
 
He doesn't need you to accept his apology to still feel good about himself. The fact that you hold on so strongly to past events is part of why you can't move forward with your life.
People sometimes do shitty things, ALL people, no one is exempt from that. People grow up, people mature, people realize they did wrong and they sometimes try to make it right. All they can do is try, but not getting acceptance for an apology I issue to someone wouldn't stop me from moving on from that part of my life and continuing to grow as a person. Life is full of lessons, it's up to you if you see and listen to those lessons.
 
Respect for not acting all buddy-buddy with him just because of the common past and him becoming a better person. Also because you told it to him straight without losing your cool. There are things which cannot be forgiven and are not meant to either, especially after a long time has passed. Some of these people actually believe that the abuse they imposed onto others during youth is easily wiped away like that...some actually forget till they meet their victims again. It's all youth fun and teasing if you're not on the receiving end with painful memories that keep festering for decades. But what's done is done. Part ways, case closed.
 
TheRealCallie said:
He doesn't need you to accept his apology to still feel good about himself. The fact that you hold on so strongly to past events is part of why you can't move forward with your life.
People sometimes do shitty things, ALL people, no one is exempt from that. People grow up, people mature, people realize they did wrong and they sometimes try to make it right. All they can do is try, but not getting acceptance for an apology I issue to someone wouldn't stop me from moving on from that part of my life and continuing to grow as a person. Life is full of lessons, it's up to you if you see and listen to those lessons.


Sometimes it depends on what the person has done to you Callie. Some things you can't forget.
 
BeyondShy said:
TheRealCallie said:
He doesn't need you to accept his apology to still feel good about himself. The fact that you hold on so strongly to past events is part of why you can't move forward with your life.
People sometimes do shitty things, ALL people, no one is exempt from that. People grow up, people mature, people realize they did wrong and they sometimes try to make it right. All they can do is try, but not getting acceptance for an apology I issue to someone wouldn't stop me from moving on from that part of my life and continuing to grow as a person. Life is full of lessons, it's up to you if you see and listen to those lessons.


Sometimes it depends on what the person has done to you Callie. Some things you can't forget.

And sometimes you choose to dwell on things you can't change, thus putting a hold on your life. When you live so intensely in the past, you can't see the future and can't enjoy the present.

You can't change what happeened in the past, so what good does it do you to focus so much on it? As long as you continue do that, they are winning, not you.
 
TheRealCallie said:
And sometimes you choose to dwell on things you can't change, thus putting a hold on your life. When you live so intensely in the past, you can't see the future and can't enjoy the present.

You can't change what happeened in the past, so what good does it do you to focus so much on it? As long as you continue do that, they are winning, not you.


I don't know what I can tell you because I really can't argue with what you are telling me. And you have told me this before. I remember it quite well. But all that aside I will tell you one thing. If I ever go back home and if I ever see some of the people who harassed me and made fun of me when I was a kid I don't know how forgiving I would be.
 
BeyondShy said:
Good for you. You should have beat the honeysuckle out of him too.

What would that accomplish? I think it's more than obvious the guy had issues, and is probably still battling them. Should he have been a bully? No. Is it justifiable? No. But tit for tat in situations like this doesn't really benefit anyone.

Although I will say that I wish people would stand up for themselves more. People bullying will probably never stop, because that's just how some people are, but at least some might not be so scarred from it.

That being said, I have been picked on. It's not fun. But I'm never going to give anyone so much power in my life that it would ever shut me down for any portion of my life.
 
Rodent said:
Respect for not acting all buddy-buddy with him just because of the common past and him becoming a better person. Also because you told it to him straight without losing your cool. There are things which cannot be forgiven and are not meant to either, especially after a long time has passed. Some of these people actually believe that the abuse they imposed onto others during youth is easily wiped away like that...some actually forget till they meet their victims again. It's all youth fun and teasing if you're not on the receiving end with painful memories that keep festering for decades. But what's done is done. Part ways, case closed.

+1
 
VanillaCreme said:
BeyondShy said:
Good for you. You should have beat the honeysuckle out of him too.

VanillaCreme said:
What would that accomplish? I think it's more than obvious the guy had issues, and is probably still battling them. Should he have been a bully? No. Is it justifiable? No. But tit for tat in situations like this doesn't really benefit anyone.

A couple of good left hooks to the guy's head and face will make you feel a lot better.

VanillaCreme said:
Although I will say that I wish people would stand up for themselves more. People bullying will probably never stop, because that's just how some people are, but at least some might not be so scarred from it.

I know the feeling.

VanillaCreme said:
That being said, I have been picked on. It's not fun. But I'm never going to give anyone so much power in my life that it would ever shut me down for any portion of my life.

I don't think about these people every day. I am thinking about them now because of this thread but I don't know if they have a constant power over me. I just won't pretend that everything is fine between us if we ever met.
 
The most useless thing in the world is that which is behind me.

Why dwell on the past ? It's pointless.
 
TheRealCallie said:
He doesn't need you to accept his apology to still feel good about himself. The fact that you hold on so strongly to past events is part of why you can't move forward with your life.

You don't know how his life was, how much he suffered. People always think forgiveness is so easy.

TheRealCallie said:
People sometimes do shitty things, ALL people, no one is exempt from that.

And when they proclaim "I Changed" we are supposed to erase all the wrong things they did?


TheRealCallie said:
People grow up, people mature, people realize they did wrong and they sometimes try to make it right. All they can do is try, but not getting acceptance for an apology I issue to someone wouldn't stop me from moving on from that part of my life and continuing to grow as a person. Life is full of lessons, it's up to you if you see and listen to those lessons.

I matured at my teens. I learned to respect others and be kind with people. I never bullied anyone even when I was. I was always better that those people and I'll always be. Doesn't matter how much they grow. You say the past can't be changed, well then can't change how bad they were and how bad the things they did affected others. Forgiveness doesn't make you better, it just justifies people's atrocities.
 
BeyondShy said:
A couple of good left hooks to the guy's head and face will make you feel a lot better.

See, that's the solution while you're being picked on. I don't care what anyone says, violence is the only answer sometimes. And I don't care how that sounds. Maybe if kids weren't so coddled and cuddled, and were taught how and when to fight, issues like this wouldn't come about so much.

Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
 
VanillaCreme said:
BeyondShy said:
A couple of good left hooks to the guy's head and face will make you feel a lot better.

See, that's the solution while you're being picked on. I don't care what anyone says, violence is the only answer sometimes. And I don't care how that sounds. Maybe if kids weren't so coddled and cuddled, and were taught how and when to fight, issues like this wouldn't come about so much.

Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.


You're talking to someone who has a very, very good memory. I have been told it is a blessing and a curse at the same time. :)
 
VanillaCreme said:
BeyondShy said:
A couple of good left hooks to the guy's head and face will make you feel a lot better.

See, that's the solution while you're being picked on. I don't care what anyone says, violence is the only answer sometimes. And I don't care how that sounds. Maybe if kids weren't so coddled and cuddled, and were taught how and when to fight, issues like this wouldn't come about so much.

Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

I got picked on by this little twat for a few years when I was 12 or so.
And one day I snapped and grab him by his throat, slammed him into a wall and told him to shut the fresia up. He never said a word to me after that.
 
Triple Bogey said:
The most useless thing in the world is that which is behind me.

What is behind you helped get you where you are today.
 
Triple Bogey said:
I got picked on by this little twat for a few years when I was 12 or so.
And one day I snapped and grab him by his throat, slammed him into a wall and told him to shut the fresia up. He never said a word to me after that.

You don't want to do something like that but the actions of other people is what drives you sometimes.

I got stories like this one but I don't think anyone wants to hear them.


Triple Bogey said:
Which is where exactly ?
You don't seem the happiest person around.

Great!!!!!!! Now you want to start giving me honeysuckle now? Join the club in here. There's always room.
 
Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
He doesn't need you to accept his apology to still feel good about himself. The fact that you hold on so strongly to past events is part of why you can't move forward with your life.

You don't know how his life was, how much he suffered. People always think forgiveness is so easy.

TheRealCallie said:
People sometimes do shitty things, ALL people, no one is exempt from that.

And when they proclaim "I Changed" we are supposed to erase all the wrong things they did?

Never said that, but they moved on while you are still stuck dwelling on something that happened in the past. Leave the past where it belongs...in the past.

Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
People grow up, people mature, people realize they did wrong and they sometimes try to make it right. All they can do is try, but not getting acceptance for an apology I issue to someone wouldn't stop me from moving on from that part of my life and continuing to grow as a person. Life is full of lessons, it's up to you if you see and listen to those lessons.

I matured at my teens. I learned to respect others and be kind with people. I never bullied anyone even when I was. I was always better that those people and I'll always be. Doesn't matter how much they grow. You say the past can't be changed, well then can't change how bad they were and how bad the things they did affected others. Forgiveness doesn't make you better, it just justifies people's atrocities.

And sometimes when someone asks for forgiveness or apologizes, they are trying to, in a small way, make amends. I never said you had to forgive them, I just said that they don't need your forgiveness to move on.
It's on you to decide how you let an event or circumstance shape your life. You decide how you will react to something, you decide how much it impacts your life.

BeyondShy said:
Triple Bogey said:
The most useless thing in the world is that which is behind me.

What is behind you helped get you where you are today.

Yes, it did. If I didn't go through everything I went through in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Maybe I would be better, but if I chose to dwell on everything that ever happened to me in my life, I would most likely be a miserable person, if not worse. I let go of the past a long time ago and I'm a much better person today because of that. I did actually forgive the people who harmed me, although, I never told many of them that I did, but me forgiving them is not for them, it's for me, so I can let go, so I can move on, so I can be a better person.
 
Rodent said:
Respect for not acting all buddy-buddy with him just because of the common past and him becoming a better person. Also because you told it to him straight without losing your cool

Respect dude. I also feel this way. When I first got my facebook all these people who were not exactly nice to me in school were over joyed to friend me. I was amazed. They legitimately were excited to talk with me. I dropped every one of them. There was this guy that everyone wasn't nice to. I see on his facebook page he is friends with many of his tormentors. I don't understand that.

I am not friends with anyone from my school days. Even if they were not actively bullys if they did nothing about it, they are just as bad.

One time I called out a contractor type service for my home. When he arrived I thought he seemed familiar but didn't think anything of it. But he kept asking these weird questions about my life, was I married, family, and on the third question I realized it was someone from my high school (actually the BFF of one of my crushes) I just came out with it and said your xxx aren't you and he seemed overjoyed to see me again and even promised to give me a big discount and do the work on a Saturday for me. Never did anything with it.

It is really not that I hold a grudge it is just really don't want to go back and don't want to go back with people who have a proven track record of not being a person I think very highly of.
 

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