Tealeaf
Well-known member
In a month I'm moving out of an area where I barely know anyone to an area where I know absolutely no one. I'm the last of the people I knew in high school to leave the area, and for the past couple years I've dwindled down to nothing. It's been several months since I last went out with anyone not family on a social outing.
I think it was months ago that I simply gave up trying to meet people, after getting too tired of trying to keep up a mask of being friendly, happy, and funny in the face of rejection, loneliness, mismatches, and constant stress. I couldn't please people with who I was so I stopped spending my time on them at all and just focused on hobbies. No one new came into my life for it.
This is a much nicer place to live that also allows pets, so I can finally start keeping birds. Apparently there's another woman there with birds, and a whole wing for people who keep dogs and another one for cats and other miscellaneous pets. This should be a positive change but really I just feel apprehensive about it, like change happens on the surface in my life but that's all. Like I'm going to go here and wind up sitting inside every night indefinitely, feeling just as low as I've felt in this area for the last few years. I've been a misfit my entire life and no amount of reading, practice, or self-improvement has ever impacted that past the surface.
I'm looking to move up in my career too, taking certification tests in a month, but I fear I'll somehow get stuck in jobs like service or retail for my entire life despite my best efforts. I've been studying almost every day but I feel like I'm just putting on a show.
I think it was months ago that I simply gave up trying to meet people, after getting too tired of trying to keep up a mask of being friendly, happy, and funny in the face of rejection, loneliness, mismatches, and constant stress. I couldn't please people with who I was so I stopped spending my time on them at all and just focused on hobbies. No one new came into my life for it.
This is a much nicer place to live that also allows pets, so I can finally start keeping birds. Apparently there's another woman there with birds, and a whole wing for people who keep dogs and another one for cats and other miscellaneous pets. This should be a positive change but really I just feel apprehensive about it, like change happens on the surface in my life but that's all. Like I'm going to go here and wind up sitting inside every night indefinitely, feeling just as low as I've felt in this area for the last few years. I've been a misfit my entire life and no amount of reading, practice, or self-improvement has ever impacted that past the surface.
I'm looking to move up in my career too, taking certification tests in a month, but I fear I'll somehow get stuck in jobs like service or retail for my entire life despite my best efforts. I've been studying almost every day but I feel like I'm just putting on a show.