what do i do with my life?

im pretty much repeating my last post but with a lil twist...so gonna be 22 in a couple months havent done honeysuckle with my life. After my thyroid issues came bad anxiety to the p[oint it makes me sick and tired. I tried university and failed got kicked out, this past September started a new school but couldnt cope with the pace of work couldnt keep up, kept feeling sick and tired all the time, drs gave me meds to help but im scared to take it cuz i get addicted to stuff really quick and dont wanna end up a druggie. Ended up dropping out about 6weeks after. In that school i felt so depressed, i didnt make one single friend, i was all alone when i spoke to people they just walked away as if i was invisible. people laughed at me when i tried to fit in, and i couldnt even learn nothing because idk if maybe ive gotten dumber or something im just having trouble learning. idk if its maybe due to being depressed or the anxiety i have no idea. i given up on drs and cant afford therapy (hence the reason im here on this site) im pretty much just waiting to die. My parents pressure me, they insult me and tell me im 21 and got no job, they have to look after an adult, when i tried getting jobs i get rejected. i went for an interview just last week and the lady spoke to me like if i was a dumbass, she insulted me and shattered whatever little confidence i had left. i just feel like my life is wasting guys my age got girls, job and livng pretty decent lives, i just stay at home and argue with my parents about how terrible my life is. i cry on a daily basis hell im bald thin like a twig and well if i died tomorow i wont be remembered for anything special. i got zero talents, just basic high school education and thats pretty much it. i dont like anything, i have no interests in anything, im a boring person i look like a zombie cuz i cant sleep at night i walk like an ape cuz my chest hurts all the time and i look like im about to burst into tears. sometimes i think about suicide but just aint got the balls for it. guys in my family question my masculinity, they say im not man enough cuz i grew up soft play no sports and pretty much sit behind a pc all day. i just dont know what to do with life i dont wanna work tbh i just want to obtain my degree but financially i cant afford it. ive failed so much im scared to go back to school i feel like a retard im always spaced out and never really know whats going on around me. im tired of being home listening to my parent argue over little honeysuckle, my dad drinks alot, my mother argues for the littlest things and my sis is bipolar she argues for the entire village to hear and they pretty muc walk all over me. im not a handsome guy, im ugly stupid and just a waste of air, girls watch me like if im a piece of honeysuckle, whe ni try making friends im automatically the weirdo and well no one respects me not even my family. i wish i could just kill everyone or just crawl in a hole and hide forever or just die and not be heard of ever again. i hate my life and i hate everyone in it wish things could be better but ive tried and failed to the point i dont ******* care anymore what more can a dude possibly do how much more can a dude possibly take the rage and insanity is growin stronger in me and well what more could i say dont know where im going with this post but there it is....whoever gave a fresia to read this long ass sap story thank u feel free to give your honest opinion hate or whatever i'll take it.

Maybe spending too much time on the computer is sucking your energy away and making it hard to concentrate?

You know what, at your age, I often felt much the same way. You're not alone thinking this way. I think there's a lot of folks out there who feel they're not particularly good at anything.. it's just they don't express that frustration, because somehow, they believe in optimism even if it has no logical reason behind it. Somehow, folks like us have given in to negativity and tend to magnify our every perceived deficiency.

All I can say is, at 22.. that was rough for me. Loads of self-loathing at that age. I think you're going through something similar. I wish I had more advice for you. One thing I can say is avoid self-destructing with drugs and alcohol. That's what I did, and I couldn't quit when I had to, which caused some longterm problems that I've not gotten past. It's a big regret.

i just dont know what to do with life i dont wanna work tbh

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Who does? You'll have to do it eventually. Degree or no.

You don't want to work. You are afraid to go back to school. You don't like staying at home all day. Figure out what you want to do. Either way it's going to be a lot of hard work from here on matter what you decide you want. You want something easy. You aren't willing to work hard to get anywhere. If your parents lost everything and suddenly died tomorrow what would you do? Life is a struggle. You're being coddled right now. It's only going to get harder before it starts to get better.

Where do you live? You should be able to get a crap job. Just keep applying. It might take a little more time. I don't think you've tried nearly as hard as you say.

I was the same at your age btw. Dropped out of college multiple times. Had no job. Lived with parents for a couple of years just leeching off of them. I dunno. Eventually you're forced to make a move.

If you tell yourself you're a stupid piece of honeysuckle you're going to feel that way. Most people do not have their lives figured out at that age. Hell, I'm 28 and in a dead end job. I'm stuck exactly where I am and I live at home too. I live with my mom because I can't survive on my own wih my daughter. I don't make enough money because rent in this city is ridiculous. I don't have it all figured out, but I do the best with what i got. I didn't even go to university or college, nothing. So knowing nothing about this I will ask, can't you go to school for a longer period of time with less classes, so you can take your time to learn these new things slowly?

I think you're better off than I was at your age. I was heavy into coke at that time. I would drink till I was throwing up and then do rails all night. The only person who can change your predicament is you, apply yourself. Sometimes you have to put your head a little further than where you are right now and think beyond the moment you're in. Shits not always gonna be perfect, even people with "perfect" lives have dark secrets. Don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to where you once we're and work to be better than you were last year. There is no shortage of cruel, ugly, nasty hating ass people in this world. You just got to steer past them and move on, don't let those people ocupy space in your mind.

lonelypanda said:

If you tell yourself you're a stupid piece of honeysuckle you're going to feel that way.

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This. So much this.

dn560, your title is asking what you should do with your life, but the entire topic post rants on essentially about having no options and how you're a miserable failure and all that. Well, then what is the point in even asking? Are you asking or are you telling us? Because it sounds more like you're trying to tell us what you're going to do.
I'm not trying to disregard how you feel, but you need to just stop telling yourself and everyone around you how miserable you are and how you fail at everything. Because you know what? That will be a guarantee that you will remain miserable and that you fail at everything. That just isn't the way to live. And you're not really 'living' right now, are you?

Have hope, man. Stop thinking so negatively. This is an irrational cycle of thought that many people get themselves into. And it can only change when one is willing to change it themselves. I know this from personal experience. I know because I see things much more clearly now.
I don't care what you look like. I don't care what sort of past you've had. I don't care what kind of skills you have right now.
You have potential. Everyone does. You can do anything you want, be anyone you want, and have anything you want. There is hope so long as you are alive.
But to have any of these things you must first see that hope. If you continue to deny that it exists then I can promise you that it will not exist for you. That is simply just how it works.
This goes for everyone here who sees themselves in the way you see yourself.

You ask what you should do with your life? Well I will tell you the most honest answer I can give you: Anything that you want. That's the great thing about being alive.

Just try. Try as hard as possible. Convince yourself that giving up, in any form, is never an option.
Break that cycle. Things will then become much more clear.

Batman55 said:

You know what, at your age, I often felt much the same way. You're not alone thinking this way. I think there's a lot of folks out there who feel they're not particularly good at anything.. it's just they don't express that frustration, because somehow, they believe in optimism even if it has no logical reason behind it. Somehow, folks like us have given in to negativity and tend to magnify our every perceived deficiency.

All I can say is, at 22.. that was rough for me. Loads of self-loathing at that age. I think you're going through something similar. I wish I had more advice for you. One thing I can say is avoid self-destructing with drugs and alcohol. That's what I did, and I couldn't quit when I had to, which caused some longterm problems that I've not gotten past. It's a big regret.

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i'll never turn to drugs, alcohol maybe but i dont have the tolerance for it i puke after half a beer. good advice man i respect it

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Despicable Me said:

lonelypanda said:

If you tell yourself you're a stupid piece of honeysuckle you're going to feel that way.

Click to expand...

This. So much this.

dn560, your title is asking what you should do with your life, but the entire topic post rants on essentially about having no options and how you're a miserable failure and all that. Well, then what is the point in even asking? Are you asking or are you telling us? Because it sounds more like you're trying to tell us what you're going to do.
I'm not trying to disregard how you feel, but you need to just stop telling yourself and everyone around you how miserable you are and how you fail at everything. Because you know what? That will be a guarantee that you will remain miserable and that you fail at everything. That just isn't the way to live. And you're not really 'living' right now, are you?

Have hope, man. Stop thinking so negatively. This is an irrational cycle of thought that many people get themselves into. And it can only change when one is willing to change it themselves. I know this from personal experience. I know because I see things much more clearly now.
I don't care what you look like. I don't care what sort of past you've had. I don't care what kind of skills you have right now.
You have potential. Everyone does. You can do anything you want, be anyone you want, and have anything you want. There is hope so long as you are alive.
But to have any of these things you must first see that hope. If you continue to deny that it exists then I can promise you that it will not exist for you. That is simply just how it works.
This goes for everyone here who sees themselves in the way you see yourself.

You ask what you should do with your life? Well I will tell you the most honest answer I can give you: Anything that you want. That's the great thing about being alive.

Just try. Try as hard as possible. Convince yourself that giving up, in any form, is never an option.
Break that cycle. Things will then become much more clear.

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the post is meant to rant to a point, i dont really have anyone else to tlak to regarding life etc so here is pretty much all i have and its not that easy to be posiitive, im negative not because i want to be but because ive reached to a point where everything and everyone contributes to it. i understand what youre saying and i agree its just certain aspects that can make a big difference are beyond my control.

dn560 said:

the post is meant to rant to a point, i dont really have anyone else to tlak to regarding life etc so here is pretty much all i have and its not that easy to be posiitive, im negative not because i want to be but because ive reached to a point where everything and everyone contributes to it. i understand what youre saying and i agree its just certain aspects that can make a big difference are beyond my control.

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I know where you're coming from, but basically all I'm saying is just do your best to be positive. And you can be, if you want to be.

Believe me, I know more than enough about dealing with things beyond our control. I've been in multiple disaster zones and for a little while I lived in an area under martial law. Do you know what martial law is? It is basically where the military becomes the law. All previous laws are pretty much null and void. The only rights you have are the ones the military lets you have. Talk about things not being in your control, eh? Do you know what it's like to have seen almost everything you've ever known be destroyed? Right in front of you? As you feared for your life? And then to be told you can't go back home anymore because it was too dangerous? I'll just say it's not a happy feeling.
Having friends was the least of my worries back then. I didn't really even have a chance for friends. Not that I did any better before it all happened, though. Everything I went through just solidified my inability to socialize. I wasn't just inept at socializing. I was broken as a human being. But that actually probably happened when I was a small child anyway, so I guess it really didn't change all that much. It just brought out who I was already.
And you know what? I was negative. I hated everyone. I hated everything. I wanted the entire world to end. At least an entire year of my life was a complete blur and I pretty much don't remember anything from it. I probably blocked it all out. In fact, I don't have a single happy memory of my childhood at all, until I was somewhere in my late teens.

I'm not telling you this so we can compare lives and see who wins the 'worst life' award. I'm telling you so that you know that I do understand how things can not be in your control. And why I think my advice is still applicable to you.

I believed for the longest time in my life that I wasn't in control of anything. That there was literally nothing I could do. That the whole universe was against me, too. That I was doomed from the very beginning, or at least that things would never go my way, and that I could do nothing about it.
But I was wrong.
I could not control the EVENTS that I went through, but I sure as hell could have controlled the way I was, the way I thought, the way I acted. The way I saw the world. I had control over everything before and everything after. It was me. It was always me. I just didn't use that control, because I never knew I had it. No one ever told me. No one ever sat me down and explained I didn't have to be that kind of person. No one ever told me anything like I'm telling you now.

You learn these things not through age, but through experiences. You'll learn this, too. But let me help you.

Things might suck. They might have sucked before, they might suck now, they might even suck in the future. Sure. It happens. But don't let that get to you. Never let it get to you. There is always hope.
You will get smarter. You will get stronger. You will become different. You will think differently. You will act differently. You will be different.
YOU are in control, always. That is your potential. That is everyone's potential. It is entirely up to them whether they utilize that potential or not.

Just know this. Take it from someone who truly knows.