Taking things too personally

I recently had a fight with a family member who thought I was taking things too personally. She didn't understand it and stated she had a blunt personality and that her friends were the same way. I thought about it and agreed with her, but thought some of her actions didn't match up to what she said. When I told her about these incidents that I didn't understand, I was told I was being judgmental and that she didn't feel comfortable talking to me. When I pointed out some similar things she said to me, she was insistent that she was only making an observation.

Am I crazy? I feel like we have incompatible viewpoints and that she can't wrap her mind around certain things.

You're not crazy. You're probably correct that she is incapable of understanding that not everyone is like her.

No, you're not crazy.
I have often found that while those people who pride themselves on being blunt are happy to point out anything and everything you are or do which they don't approve of, they can't take the same thing being done back to them.

I don't think you're crazy. But at the same time, that was also her opinion. If you don't appreciate it, tell her. Perhaps she'll back off.

Agree with Tina63. Sounds like your relative can give but can't take.

There's a term for people who don't demonstrate much empathy but demand it from others - the 'just telling it like it is' sort. Sociopath.

Perhaps that's a bit OTT, but your relative needs to experience some push back from those she's being unnecessarily blunt with otherwise she'll keep doing it.

Without knowing the full story, I won't go into speculation of what did and did not happen or why.

With that said, there are a few possible ways of looking at this.
1. She's a rude, blunt person who doesn't give a honeysuckle about anyone else's opinions or feelings other than her own, like most people are saying here.
2. You are being over sensitive and really can't understand it or refuse to understand it because it doesn't match up to your opinion.
3. You are both just butting heads and refuse to see the other person's side.

Maybe try taking a different approach with her. Tell her you genuinely don't understand and ask if she can clarify what she means. Do the same with her about what you said.

TheRealCallie said:

Without knowing the full story, I won't go into speculation of what did and did not happen or why.

With that said, there are a few possible ways of looking at this...

Maybe try taking a different approach with her. Tell her you genuinely don't understand and ask if she can clarify what she means. Do the same with her about what you said.

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I've tried the different approach you mentioned. I don't think one or two applies. I've acknowledged I was oversensitive about some things. I think number three applies somewhat. And I think she genuinely doesn't understand. I've explained several times and like a log she keeps saying she doesn't get it, even if I use the same blunt attitude on her, things are somehow different because of what I "imply." And yet, her bluntness is only an observation. *shrugs*

If she doesn't want to understand where you're coming from, then she won't. Maybe she really can't put a grasp on your point of view. But if she's so set in her way, you're probably not going to move her. Learning to accept that others may not accept or understand things can be frustrating, but that's what I'd apply here. If you do take things too personally (many people do), then that's just how you are. One person not wanting to understand your level of sensitivity doesn't mean it's bad. I'm not a very emotional person, but I certainly do understand why people could be.

VanillaCreme said:

If she doesn't want to understand where you're coming from, then she won't. Maybe she really can't put a grasp on your point of view. But if she's so set in her way, you're probably not going to move her. Learning to accept that others may not accept or understand things can be frustrating, but that's what I'd apply here. If you do take things too personally (many people do), then that's just how you are. One person not wanting to understand your level of sensitivity doesn't mean it's bad. I'm not a very emotional person, but I certainly do understand why people could be.

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I think this is good advice. I just prefer not to deal with blunt people who can't take bluntness themselves.

We all have an idea of who we are, even if it's not correct. When you try to tell someone that the person they think they are is actually not truly themselves, expect resistance. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, without an idea of self how could we successfully (or unsuccessfully) conduct ourselves? It's like hearing your recorded voice. When I hear what I actually sound like, I think it's like a mix of Kermit the frog and Ray Romano... But in my head, I sound super cool! If I consciously acknowledged the way my voice truly sounds, I would probably choose my vocal inflections differently.

What I'm saying is, she thinks that her pointing out things and being critical is just factual and being blunt; but when someone does the same thing it's a jerk-move and overly critical (a.k.a. A mix of Kermit the frog and Ray Romano). But don't fault her for this, that's just people. So basically you're not crazy, you're probably right.

d00d said:

When I hear what I actually sound like, I think it's like a mix of Kermit the frog and Ray Romano... But in my head, I sound super cool!

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Reminds me of this family guy clip

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