Breaking free from my shell

Hi folks!

I'm a 20 year old young man from Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

First of all, let me say that I'm new here and that my first language is French, not English.

Second, here's a summary of my situation.

I subscribed to a travel group this year in my college wherein we take Spanish and Latin American history classes before going to Bolivia in the spring of 2016. The thing is, I didn't really connect with anybody in the group (we're about 40 students) : I just don't talk to these people when I'm around them. That is, I'll just stick around silently and my presence will be felt as awkward ; also, whenever I feel I have something to add to the convo, it is immediately canceled by another thought and I end up not speaking at all, dying to leave this circle of people but ignoring how because telling people I'm going home would be the very first (and only) thing to come out of my mouth in the whole convo! Although I do listen to these people and realize that we have interests in common (politics, history, philosophy, languages, to name a few), I just can't fit in - I don't utter a single word when I'm with them because I fear that I will be judged! I just can't relax when I'm around them, yet they are people my age (a great deal even a bit younger) who have no problem chatting and messing around with one another - most of them are friends already, and I'm the odd one who's too slow, shy and stupid to take part in what's going on.

This problem has made depression kick back in (I suffered from depression as a teenager) and now I'm sinking 3 classes out of 6 because I don't have the motivation to step out of bed in the morning or enough concentration to write my papers, and because I'm anxious about going out there and having to walk through flocks of people - some people in my college used to talk to me, but after a few weeks of my ignoring them or killing the conversations I struck up with them by saying nothing more than "yeah", "sure", and so on, they started ignoring me back.

As time goes on, I'm becoming more and more isolated, and the people in my travel group mostly avoid my glance when we walk past each other in college. Some of them even joke about what they see as my softness and lack of energy, and I don't respond (because, you know, people will hear my voice, and they will get to know by personality a bit better... scary, right?), so I look even dumber.

What frustrates me most is that I know that I could be a better person. I know that deep down inside I have a desire to meet people, connect with them, have fun with them and create lasting bonds with them. The thing is, I never really developed the social skills needed to bring my inner self in the spotlight.

So, can anyone here relate to my story in a way or another, and if so, how did you include yourself in a group that seemingly rejected you because of your shyness? How did you break free and become more sociable?

Thanks for reading btw, I know that summary was pretty long.

jefftremblay285 said:

So, can anyone here relate to my story in a way or another, and if so, how did you include yourself in a group that seemingly rejected you because of your shyness? How did you break free and become more sociable?

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I can relate a lot to this. I used to almost never speak at all in person. I just didn't feel the need or I worried I would say the wrong thing every time. Stuff like that.

There isn't some magic trick to becoming social, though.
The thing is you very repeatedly stated in your post, and even in the quoted portion above, that you're being rejected due to your shyness. But the fact is that likely isn't true at all. You are the one rejecting them, and rejecting yourself too. If they were rejecting you they would say this openly, but have they ever done this? From the sounds of it they are not rejecting you but including you, allowing you to be in their groups to discuss topics despite the fact you never say anything.

I think once you realize this, that you are the one always doing the rejection, it will become easier for you to socialize. To speak the words you prevent yourself from saying. To eliminate that fear of judgement because it is only you whom is creating that judgement. You just have to overcome that fear.

There are some obvious self esteem issues there, as well. This, too, is resulting from the judgements you are making on yourself. You say you're "too slow, shy and stupid" to take part in things. But who has ever said this to you? Was it the people in your group or yourself? Again that is all part of overcoming the fear.
And overcoming fears takes nothing but simple will power and determination. You just force yourself to do it. That's all there is to it.

It's not easy, but you just learn to do it. It takes practice. So start practicing and you'll get there.
The shell doesn't crack in a day. You have to chip at it and start exposing some of what is underneath.

Still working on it XD welcome