Not sure exactly what I'm feeling...I think I just need to express myself

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

LoveActually

New member
Joined
Dec 12, 2015
Messages
1
Reaction score
0
I wasn’t sure where to post this. I could easily post this under relationships, social problems, low self-esteem/shyness, and depression because I feel all of those things, but I think the main thing is loneliness…at least what I’ve been feeling lately.

I am a 35 yr old female, single, not married, no children, no career, living with my parents.

I have feelings of fear, loneliness, low self esteem, insecurity, failing, stress, worry, embarrassment. I’m 100% introvert.

I wonder at age 35 will I ever find someone? I worry that I’m getting older and won’t be able to have babies, and I try so hard to keep the hope.

I have no career because I have so many insecurities and self esteem issues. I have a fear of failure in everything I do. I have insecurities about my body (I have always been overweight) which has always been a struggle my whole life and is another story in itself. Many times in the past I have even taken days off work simply because I feel the clothes I have don’t pleasing on me and I have nothing to wear. I hate being the new person at a job (and I always am the new person because I have never been able to hold a job longer than 6 months). I worry about what people think of me. If I’m uncomfortable around those people, I”ll quit. If I feel I’m not doing good enough at my job, I’ll quit. I have no car and I live with my parents simply because I can’t hold down a job and have not money to survive on my own.

I have a big family whom I love and loves me that includes uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces, siblings (around 60+ family) and just a few close knit friends as I’m uncomfortable meeting new people and can’t seem to even keep new friends when I do. But only 1 or 2 people out of my 60+ family and friends I’m comfortable talking about my feelings to (and no even everything). Even around them I’m usually the quiet one. The one who won’t say anything or do anything for fear of doing or saying something stupid and embarrass myself.

I’m just feeling lost and I don’t know what the purpose of my life is. I feel like I’m in a never ending cycle. It’s always a "I can’t do this because of that." I’m not lazy, but I have no motivation. I find it difficult to find strength in many things. Most of my friends and family have kids and are married which does make me envious of them. I’m tired of being a third or fifth wheel. I’m tired of crying alone all the time, and wish I had a man to talk to, someone to just hug me. I don’t know if finding a man will change my feelings of loneliness, I don’t know if having children will change it. I feel there may be some hidden reason I have all these feelings and I have to figure it out or have someone help me figure it out like a therapist (but I don’t the money to pay them $100+ an hour). Being single, I don’t mind being alone. I love and need my alone time. It’s just the painful feeling of loneliness that gets to me so much and I guess the fear of never having a family of my own.

I apologize for being all over the place but thank you for taking the time to read this.

This is an article that I’m sure some of you have already read….but it’s exactly how I feel.
http://www.yourtango.com/233213/10-heartbreaking-truths-about-loneliness-single-people-dont-say
 
I am sorry you are feeling down. However from your letter it sounds like there are many positives in your life. I think that focusing on small goals would help you move forward. For instance i think holding a job would be valuable to you financially and emotionally and mentally. If you can try to set aside your wadrobe and make 7 to 10 looks out of your clothes that feel comfortable to you. Then just rotate those looks . Or find a job that requires a uniform. Take some if the guess and stress out of those things. That will give you more energy to focus. That would be a start.
 
Are you working at the moment? If not then maybe start running a lot so that you can lose weight and at least be achieving something there.
 
The article cited by LoveActually is so true, especially reason #10.

Loneliness, in my case, has been augmented and fortified by a failed relationship, with a partner who has literally destroyed any hope for finding what I long since sought. Not to try and one up in the co-misery sweepstakes, but to go from being alone for years and years, then slowly ramped up over months at a time to sharing a warm, caring relationship that beckoned a life full of promises and goals for us both (my relocation, plans for having kids, marriage) to discovering, piece by agonizing piece that everything was just a facade and that I truly meant nothing to her in the end...I cannot even describe the feeling anymore. It's like I am now colorblind - the world was bright, vivid, radiant, full of color, and now...pale weak pastels at best.
 
You sound a lot like my little sister and what she is going through.

The taking off work because clothes don't fit right, is what made me think of her. She wouldn't go to work because she just could not get out of bed.

Have you gone to the doctor? Maybe start taking care of yourself first then try to get out in the world. My sister went to a regular doctor and the lady doctor, and it seems to help her a little bit. Whatever they prescribed her has been helping, she got a new job and has yet to take a day off.

She inspired me to get better, I have been fearing to go to the doctor, and after seeing her do this I made 4 doctors appointment. Did one with the dentist already, and I already feel better about myself.

Just a thought, doesn't work for everyone though.
 
I am so sorry to read about how you have been feeling, I wish i coulld offer you my own words of wisdom but I am very much in the same position as you, almost 35 and single. That in itself doesnt bother me, butas you wrote, the crushing lonelnes can. You sound like someone who is not willling to give up to find solutions and that in itself is a very positive thing. You will always find lots of support here
 

Latest posts

Back
Top