Prepared to be single. It's so hard to find someone who feels just right.

I like the feeling of not having to answer to someone else. I treasure the freedom to do what I want.

I am someone who does not just pick anyone randomly just because I feel lonely.

But of course, as a human, there are times when I wish for someone whom I could truly connect with deeply and cuddle together. These are the times when I wonder if I am being too "choosy". Should I just settle for someone "passable"? Doubts start to creep in to test my values.

I would later recall this from somewhere: Stay single, if no one makes you feel that being attached is better than being single.

How true.

This quote sums up that contradiction within me well:
"I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don't know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness."
—Anaïs Nin

Being single offers great freedom.

We humans evolved to crave companionship because that is what ensured survival of the species. Gotta make those babies somehow. Our desire for fat and sugar works the same way.

Unfortunately, blindly pursuing a relationship can also be destructive to our well being. Too often we end up with the wrong person, just to get rid of the loneliness. It takes courage to say "no, I don't need this yet," as this goes against our very nature. Good job figuring that out though. Many people don't until it's too late.

I think just like you Grey Wolf. I prepared myself to be single for the rest of my life at the young age of 22!!.

I haven't given up in love. I know that I still have a LOT of time to met someone according to people. And blah blah blah.

But I stop focusing in what I don't have(a partner) and I'm focusing and enjoying what I do have (singleness). I started thinking about the advantages of being single which for me is greater(when I sat down and though about it) than being in a relationship. Unless I found someone very similar to me,is not worth it.

Very happy being single. If one day I happen to me that special someone he is very welcome, otherwise I will still enjoying my single status to the fullest.

@Revengineer
Many times, people make the mistake because of the childbearing biological clock working against them, especially for women. Often times, social pressures from family, relatives, friends, and the society at large, add to the anxiety.

To have no control over one's physiology, to lack the tenacity to resist the expectation and judgment of society, to rush without knowing what one is really getting into--it's sad, really.

---

@Eliraven
I congratulate you for coming to terms with this at so young an age! It really takes some pressure off to realise that some things just can't be forced.

Knowing how to enjoy being alone is key to self-discovery, which is extremely beneficial to the self and thus, future relationships.

Still hoping to meet that "someone", but with a more zen attitude towards it.

---

@Stonely
Indeed. A freedom that still contains a wistful void which has been tucked away carefully; maturing; waiting.

I'd rather be single.

VanillaCreme said:

I'd rather be single.

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What's stopping you?

Being single has it's perks but there are some amazing things that can only be experienced when you are in a relationship. For me, I'd rather experience those things.

No matter how great my life is or how fortunate or fulfilled I feel, there will always be a bit of a grey filter preventing me from feeling how I know I could potentially be feeling if I were sharing my life with a partner.

I was prepared to die alone, at my deepest darkest moment, where I literally started feeling physically sick. I met my other half, a shaman princess I like to say. But after making me feel so special she rejected me because I'm so broken, I can't help provide, I don't have a job.

So here I am again, alone, but this time I'm left with a desire for her companionship, only her, we have such a deep unmistakable connection, I'm so sad that she rejects me because of money. If only I had her companionship, I would have the strength and will to go on. I had to go it alone for months now, and I'm so weak....I used to be strong alone, but desire has brought me much suffering....

Keeper Shaman said:

I was prepared to die alone, at my deepest darkest moment, where I literally started feeling physically sick. I met my other half, a shaman princess I like to say. But after making me feel so special she rejected me because I'm so broken, I can't help provide, I don't have a job.

So here I am again, alone, but this time I'm left with a desire for her companionship, only her, we have such a deep unmistakable connection, I'm so sad that she rejects me because of money. If only I had her companionship, I would have the strength and will to go on. I had to go it alone for months now, and I'm so weak....I used to be strong alone, but desire has brought me much suffering....

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I know how you feel. But if she has binned you off just because you are financially challenged. She aint the right woman.

Grey Wolf said:

Should I just settle for someone "passable"? Doubts start to creep in to test my values.

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Definitely not. I did this with someone for nearly 3 years. Being with someone for the sake of it from fear of being alone is the same result as being interrogated in a holding cell. Its not a matter of if you break. Its when.

Been single for over 10 years. To me the terryfying part isn't being lonely, its actually having someone enter my life.
There's an old french expression that says better to go out alone than be badly accompanied. I hold true to that until a notable exception shows up.

kamya said:

Being single has it's perks but there are some amazing things that can only be experienced when you are in a relationship. For me, I'd rather experience those things.

No matter how great my life is or how fortunate or fulfilled I feel, there will always be a bit of a grey filter preventing me from feeling how I know I could potentially be feeling if I were sharing my life with a partner.

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Old Kamya was so sweet.

Still am!

turned into a cynical old barnacle.

I've always been single. It's my default, it seems.

It's not that I'm against being in a relationship. Quite the opposite - the support and companionship provided by your partner are great. It just seems like I'm unable to find someone. Not that I'm anxious or depressed as a result of being single, as I am a fairly solitary person.

personal honeysuckle, sorry (deleted)

ardour said:

turned into a cynical old barnacle.

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yes, he did! It's a better defense against dishonest bitches, anyways...

(I can hear his voice saying "but you're a *****")

Ive been single most of my life. Even the relationships i had. I was still single and alone. The only people I will ever want is everyone I will never get which has been proven time and time again. Its nothing new to me at all. People are so high on their boxes nowadays. Its impossible for me to even attract the ones that are wrong. Nevermind right.

There is no face transplant that can be done

There is no personality transplant that can be done

There is no body transplant that can be done

There is no DNA transplant that can be done

I think some of us like myself have to face reality. And at nearly 38 years old. Lets face facts. If nothing has ever worked for any of us by now. Its never ever ever going to. And anyone who says otherwise is either delusional or has always been successful in getting people that they want. I did do a very foolish thing recently and try my luck with someone I wanted. How foolish of me.

^^ and you really think an attitude like that is going to get you what you want?

I'm not going to bore everyone here with the details, but the TL;DR is that at 33, I can count all of my drunken hookups on both hands. All of them drunken hookups. And that's all I've ever had. But, that's more than what others on this forum and beyond have gotten. And I don't want to turn this into a loneliness measuring contest.

I think the problem alot of us have is that we've been stuck in self-fulfilling prophecies for so long, we've now become reliant on those patterns for the sake of familiarity. If our S.O.P when dealing with crushes is to say nothing, keep our distance and save face out of fear of failure and humiliation, and we've been repeating this cycle for years, or even decades, then from where are we supposed to just drum up the courage to put ourselves out there? And then you'll have people that will tell you that relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. And that we're better off single. Sure, I'd believe it. And if I had that prior experience, then I'd probably be one of those people. But I think it was Ardour that said that it's far easier to come to terms with being single with the experience of a relationship behind them. Those of us who are cut off from that world are now supposed to take the word of those who are not, while their hearts ache for someone that isn't coming.

Red_Wedding_Casualty said:

I'm not going to bore everyone here with the details, but the TL;DR is that at 33, I can count all of my drunken hookups on both hands. All of them drunken hookups. And that's all I've ever had. But, that's more than what others on this forum and beyond have gotten. And I don't want to turn this into a loneliness measuring contest.

I think the problem alot of us have is that we've been stuck in self-fulfilling prophecies for so long, we've now become reliant on those patterns for the sake of familiarity. If our S.O.P when dealing with crushes is to say nothing, keep our distance and save face out of fear of failure and humiliation, and we've been repeating this cycle for years, or even decades, then from where are we supposed to just drum up the courage to put ourselves out there? And then you'll have people that will tell you that relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. And that we're better off single. Sure, I'd believe it. And if I had that prior experience, then I'd probably be one of those people. But I think it was Ardour that said that it's far easier to come to terms with being single with the experience of a relationship behind them. Those of us who are cut off from that world are now supposed to take the word of those who are not, while their hearts ache for someone that isn't coming.

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In my opinion, there are VERY few people that truly want to live their rest of their lives alone. 

There will obviously be differing opinions of those who have had relationships and those who have not.  That being said, I don't think there is all that much difference in the actual wanting of someone, whether they have or have not had relationships. 
Yes, I've had relationships.  My last one lasted almost 12 years, but it really stopped being a "relationship" after about 4 years.  It took me years to get over that and honestly, right now, I don't want a relationship.  But, I know that I will eventually want to try again and have someone to share my life with me and for me to share theirs. 

I think the problem lies in the attitude of the person and their outlook on life.  I've said it a million times before and I'll say it again.  You can't honestly expect to gain anything from life if you go at it already thinking you are going to fail.  Thinking that everyone else has what you want.  Blaming others for what you don't have.  I could go on, but I think you get the point.
Stop worrying about what others have or even what you don't have and worry about what you DO have.  Everyone has the potential of finding someone.  If you haven't yet, maybe you need to look at yourself and see what the problem is.  Are you too negative, too arrogant, too cynical.  Do you not have good hygiene?  Is there anything you can do to change the negative aspects of yourself?  Again, I could go on, but I think you get the point. 

Forget what happened in the past.  The past is over.  Learn from your mistakes and move on, start new.