michael2
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- Joined
- Dec 11, 2015
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Long post coming up.
Im 30 years old. Never had a girlfriend, never had a girl show many any type of attention. And at this point Im wondering how much of this is my fault?
Growing up I was verbally abused almost every day by father. Some times I was beaten with branches or had heavy objects (2x4s, large books) thrown at me, but the verbal abuse I endured affected me far worse then any physical pain. At some point I made a conscious decision to be the opposite of my father. It was going to be my life's goal to not have his quick temper, to not scream at people or belittle them, to always make people feel comfortable around me and not fearful of my next move.
This has resulted in me becoming a quiet, mild person. But sometimes I wonder if being that way has made me someone who women might not be attracted to? I notice alot of the time women say they want 'strong, confident men'. I dont think they see me as strong and confident because of how mild I've become. For example, I almost always choose to avoid conflict, but I feel women may see this as someone who cant stand up for themselves, let alone them.
I worry no woman will ever get to know me enough to find who I am as attractive. I feel all my best traits as a person are qualities that I cant wear on my sleeve. For example, a normal outgoing person might be very funny and quick witted. Many women are going to notice his personality which means theres a high chance someone will find it attractive and in turn like him.
I recently had a crush on a fellow night class student (she said she was living with a roommate and had no ring, so I assumed she was single). At first I didnt really care for her at all, but over time I noticed how articulate she was among other things and eventually I had a crush on her. In the lab by pure coincidence we were assigned to work near eachother. I started conversations with her but they didnt feel like they went anywhere meaningful.
So to impress her and possibly let her know I was interested I dressed up real nice with a hint of cologne. Now things appeared to change. She complimented my dress and had a really big smile on her face when talking to me and we held eye contact for what seemed like forever.
The next day she dressed up to kill, boots with what seemed like 4" heels, red lipstick and what seemed to be an intentionally exposed bra strap over one shoulder. Wow. Was this for me? In the lab I tried to talk to her...but nothing. She wouldnt even look at me. When she answered me she just kept busy and didnt even look my way. When she did look at me just the other day she was smiling at me with a grin so big I could see the last tooth in the back of her mouth. But now she would barely glance at me. It felt like she hated me. I kept the mood light in the class and some people were laughing at my jokes. But her? Nothing.
What did I do wrong? Did I simply read her wrong?
The last day of night school she was telling everyone how she was going to miss them, goodbye, etc, but not a single word to me. It was time for the final lab. I decided to see if she would initiate a conversation with me because I had always been the one to initiate communication. In time it was just us two in the lab. I wanted to talk to her because its in my nature to be friendly (the opposite of my father) but I decided to stay quiet and see if she would say anything. Anything. Anything.
Yeah, you guessed it. Not a single word. It felt like she hated me. I went home that night and cried on and off for hours. Did she care nothing for me at all? Or did she want me to pursue her further? All that I know for sure is that I will never see her again. And if there was a chance I blew it.
This was the first crush I've had in 5 years and I fear it may be another 5 before the next.
What am I doing wrong? How can I make myself more attractive to women form the outside? I need women to see who I am and become attracted to me. Otherwise finding a mate is going to take forever, if it ever happens.
Im 30 years old. Never had a girlfriend, never had a girl show many any type of attention. And at this point Im wondering how much of this is my fault?
Growing up I was verbally abused almost every day by father. Some times I was beaten with branches or had heavy objects (2x4s, large books) thrown at me, but the verbal abuse I endured affected me far worse then any physical pain. At some point I made a conscious decision to be the opposite of my father. It was going to be my life's goal to not have his quick temper, to not scream at people or belittle them, to always make people feel comfortable around me and not fearful of my next move.
This has resulted in me becoming a quiet, mild person. But sometimes I wonder if being that way has made me someone who women might not be attracted to? I notice alot of the time women say they want 'strong, confident men'. I dont think they see me as strong and confident because of how mild I've become. For example, I almost always choose to avoid conflict, but I feel women may see this as someone who cant stand up for themselves, let alone them.
I worry no woman will ever get to know me enough to find who I am as attractive. I feel all my best traits as a person are qualities that I cant wear on my sleeve. For example, a normal outgoing person might be very funny and quick witted. Many women are going to notice his personality which means theres a high chance someone will find it attractive and in turn like him.
I recently had a crush on a fellow night class student (she said she was living with a roommate and had no ring, so I assumed she was single). At first I didnt really care for her at all, but over time I noticed how articulate she was among other things and eventually I had a crush on her. In the lab by pure coincidence we were assigned to work near eachother. I started conversations with her but they didnt feel like they went anywhere meaningful.
So to impress her and possibly let her know I was interested I dressed up real nice with a hint of cologne. Now things appeared to change. She complimented my dress and had a really big smile on her face when talking to me and we held eye contact for what seemed like forever.
The next day she dressed up to kill, boots with what seemed like 4" heels, red lipstick and what seemed to be an intentionally exposed bra strap over one shoulder. Wow. Was this for me? In the lab I tried to talk to her...but nothing. She wouldnt even look at me. When she answered me she just kept busy and didnt even look my way. When she did look at me just the other day she was smiling at me with a grin so big I could see the last tooth in the back of her mouth. But now she would barely glance at me. It felt like she hated me. I kept the mood light in the class and some people were laughing at my jokes. But her? Nothing.
What did I do wrong? Did I simply read her wrong?
The last day of night school she was telling everyone how she was going to miss them, goodbye, etc, but not a single word to me. It was time for the final lab. I decided to see if she would initiate a conversation with me because I had always been the one to initiate communication. In time it was just us two in the lab. I wanted to talk to her because its in my nature to be friendly (the opposite of my father) but I decided to stay quiet and see if she would say anything. Anything. Anything.
Yeah, you guessed it. Not a single word. It felt like she hated me. I went home that night and cried on and off for hours. Did she care nothing for me at all? Or did she want me to pursue her further? All that I know for sure is that I will never see her again. And if there was a chance I blew it.
This was the first crush I've had in 5 years and I fear it may be another 5 before the next.
What am I doing wrong? How can I make myself more attractive to women form the outside? I need women to see who I am and become attracted to me. Otherwise finding a mate is going to take forever, if it ever happens.
